Question:
Can someone give me a kind word please?
I am in the process aka "waiting" for WLS surgery. I made the decision to look into it several months ago. (In my area, the wait is about 1 year). I shared my decision with my father , who was thrilled and encouraged me. Three and a half weeks ago, my dad died from a massive heart attack at 76. I feel the co-morbidities did him in, he was a diabetic with HBP and obese. When I saw my family and close friends for the funeral and the weeks following, I shared my decision about having WLS. Not ONE of them was supportive about my decision! They were not unkind, but said they were worried about the risks and complications of the surgery. Well, duh.....um .....don't they realize what my father just passed away from??? Most of them struggle with a few pounds, I have one brother who is obese also who thinks diet and exercise are the key. Could someone please give me some encouragement, and if there is anyone out there who regrets having WLS (or knows of someone who regrets it), could you please post that too? Most of the profiles are positive and life altering for the better. Thanks a bunch, Mea — Mea A. (posted on March 5, 2003)
March 5, 2003
Mea; I am so very sorry for your loss. Look into yourself and become
strong. You are doing this for YOU, not anyone else. Families are still
dealing from the loss and cannot be positive at what they do not
understand. You will be fine, and show them. Perhaps by example your
family will follow and become healthy. god is working inside and will help
you to make the right decision for you god bless.
— Jerrie P.
March 5, 2003
Hi Mea,
First let me tell you how sorry I am that you've lost your dad. At 42
years old I'm still a big "daddy's girl" so I know you must be
devastated. You should probably accept that your family may never be as
supportive as your dad was. While this is frustrating it's also because
they love you and they're concerned about you. In many cases education can
be the key - see if they will sit down at the computer with you and look at
this site with you. That tends to be very helpful. Also, you've had to
talk to them at a time when their emotions were running high and yours were
too because of the death of your dad. When you've all had a little time to
recover I'd address the issue again and really be prepared to answer their
questions straightforward. When they tell you there's risk involved tell
them that as an obese woman you're at least 50 times more likely to have
breast cancer. I can send you some good statistics if you'd like me to
that can help them see where WLS is a good thing. Give them time to
adjust. Then if they're still against it you can just tell them that it's
a decision you've already made and you can all agree to disagree but you'd
still appreciate their love and care during the process. Again, I'm so
sorry about your dad. Keep the faith and I think you'll find that things
will work out for you. Best wishes!!
— ronascott
March 5, 2003
1. The doctors won't do the surgery on you unless they feel the risks are
less than the risks of remaining obese for you.
2. Diet and exercise work for only 5-10% of people, and rebound weight gain
after dieting is very damaging.
Hang in there! This is nobody's decision but your own!
— sjwilde
March 5, 2003
I'm really sorry to here about your dad. Thats such a hard loss and I can
understand your feelings about his death and the causes reinforcing your
want/need for WLS. My dad is still with us but he was a major influence in
my thinking and deciding to have surgery which I did 8/15/2002. My dad is
obese, diabetic, HBP, heart disease, Diverticulosis, kidney failure, going
blind... the list goes on probrably. He seems to have everything under the
sun almost. Most of these things aggravated because of obesity and poor
eating habits that are so hard for him to change. He does try but it's hard
as we all know and all to often he ends up eating the wrong things. I could
see myself in his shape years down the road. Right now I didn't have all
those things wrong but I did have HBP and while I was pregnant with my kids
I had gestational diabetis and I know that increases our odds for diabetis
later. Plus I had large babies over 10 pounds which is another indicator. I
was having hip and knee pain from the excess weight. I'm telling you I
feel like i have my life back since loosing 105 pounds. I am no longer in
constant discomfort. I really feel good. It hasn't been an easy ride and I
have met several people who had this surgery and a couple had major
complications but still they are glad they had the surgery. I have read
posts about people who are unhappy with the decision they made. You need to
do a lot of research which I'm sure you have. Know all the risks because
they can and do happen and decide if it is worth it for you. If the answer
is yes then don't worry about what the others think. They aren't you.
They're not living in your skin and they don't have your future to look
forward to but there own. I had some negative responses too and now people
are in awe. My parents want me to talk my brother into having the surgery
and I will not do this and I won't even try. I figure he can see my
results. If he had surgery because I encouraged him and something happened
I'd be miserable for the rest of my life. So I encourage people but I also
say don't ignore the negative aspects they are real. For many of us the
benefits just so greatly outweigh the risks and downfalls and that is as
individual as we are. Best wishes.
— Carrie D.
March 5, 2003
I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your father. It sounds like he
supported your decision & regardless of what the rest of your family
believes, you have to do what you feel is best for YOU. Perhaps they don't
want to loose another family member, and while that's understandable, it's
also selfish for anyone to think you're going to live your life based on
what others feel is best for you, and not what you feel.Resentments can be
created, and all the "What if's" will always be left unanswered.
I'm scared to death to go thru the surgery, but I'm still not giving up and
I hope you will decide what you feel is best and find peace,hope & joy
with your decision as time goes on.
Be good to yourself, you're going thru a rough time and there are so many
good people out here,including myself, who are here anytime.
— Elise H.
March 5, 2003
rona scott wrote: "as an obese woman you're at least 50 times more
likely to have breast cancer."
50 times? please post the source for this statistic.
kasey jones
— Kasey
March 5, 2003
rona scott wrote: "as an obese woman you're at least 50 times more
likely to have breast cancer."
i did a quick search on the web and came up with the following.
Obesity also is clearly a risk factor for breast cancer in women after
menopause, he said. The relative risk of that disease in obese women is 50%
higher than for women of normal or healthy weight, the cancer society
reports. http://www.jsonline.com/alive/news/jan01/obese29012801.asp
The researchers say that obesity increases the risk of breast cancer in
postmenopausal women by as much as 40%.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/2225590.stm
Breast cancer -- Obesity increases the risk of breast cancer by about 50%
in postmenopausal women, but the only other proven dietary risk factor for
breast cancer is alcohol.
http://www.womensgolf.org/articles/dietandcancer.htm
rona, again, please, post the source of your "50 times" claim.
we do a get deal of harm to ourselves, others and our cause by posting
incorrect information.
if you do have such information documented by a valid, scientific study,
i'm sure everyone here, and frankly, just about anywhere, would like to
know about it.
kasey jones
— Kasey
March 5, 2003
Mea, I am so sorry about the loss of your father. Not only to have lost
your father but also your prime support had to be difficult. I just had
surgery three weeks ago. My entire family tried to discourage me. Once I
survived the surgery, I slowly started to gain some support from them. I
realize now that they were afraid of losing me in surgery. As long as you
are sure of your decision, don't let them stop you. It's your life and your
decision. Only you can decide if this is right for you. But don't let them
stop you if this is what you truly believe is right for you. Good luck.
— kathyb
March 5, 2003
Mea I am so sorry about the loss of your father. I also lost my father at
76, 2-1/2 years ago. I never had the chance to talk to him about WLS but
he was always worried (but kept it to himself) that my body would just give
out from the weight. My mom commented the day of surgery that if my father
was there he would be scared of me having surgery but so happy that I was
taking this step to a healthy life. I know he was looking down and sending
me huge smiles and tons of support.
<p>It is so hard to have lost this major support in your life but
focus on the fact that you made this decision for the right reasons and
your father was very supportive and proud of you for deciding to take this
major step. Do it for you first and 2nd for your dad. He will help guide
you through this exciting and difficult and scary time of your life.
<p>Your family being scared is normal. My mom was also scared but
understood my need to do this. I kept sending her internet links to
information about the surgery so she could learn more. It did help her.
She was always supportive but never got over being scared until my surgery
was over and she talked to the surgeon. Just try and work with one person
to come around and understand your decision. They can be scared but also
supportive. Your family also has the recent passing of your father fresh
in their hearts and freaked to think they could lose you. You need to help
them focus on the benefits and that the odds are so far in your favor that
it will all be fine. If they won't come around then hold strong to your
decision and come here for the support you need. We want to be part of
your family anyway! Chris
— zoedogcbr
March 5, 2003
My deepest sympathies on the loss of your Dad. I lost my Dad 27 years ago,
when I was 18 and he was 57, and I still feel the loss. I had almost no
support for my WLS surgery. Everyone in my family tried to talk me out of
it, so I kept most of my thoughts and feelings inside (and developed a
nervous facial tic for the 4 weeks prior to the surgery). Everyone was
frightened of the risks I was taking for "elective" surgery, but
considering no one in my family is obese, let alone morbidly obese, they
could have no idea what it was like to live in that fat body. The day after
I got insurance approval, which was less than 4 weeks from my surgery, my
former brother-in-law passed away at the age of 47 from melanoma. This set
off another round of fear of my dying, especially with my daughters. The
fact that I had done an incredible amount of soul searching and research
made me able to stick with my decision to have WLS, and while I have some
regrets, I believe I made the right decision. What I did find, though, is
that I turned to my Dad for "support" and "talked" to
him those weeks and days prior to the surgery constantly, and believe he
was there in spirit and watched over me. That "heavenly" support
comforted me tremendously. Also, don't discount your family and friends
out completely. After hearing my sisters and Mom beg me to try "just
one more diet", I decided to not ask them for any help concerning the
surgery. Two weeks before my surgery, they asked me how I was getting to
the hospital. I told them "car service". Maybe that's when they
realized how unsupportive they were being, because they immediately made
arrangements to take off of work and drive me to and from the hospital,
helped out when I got home, and went out of their way to make sure there
was something I could eat for Xmas (my surgery was 3 weeks prior to Xmas).
Sometimes, all you have to do is ask.
— Cyndie K.
March 5, 2003
heya hun... i am very sorry to hear about your father's passing.. but
please do not let others scare you away from what you want... when i made
the decision to have the surgery only my husband and a few friends
supported the decision.. my whole family was against it.. many still were
for the first couple months but now i am 4 months out and they hear how
good i am doing.. they have changed their tune.. i wish you the best of
luck..feel free to email me if ya need to talk..*huggles and bb*..
— johanna F.
March 5, 2003
Thank you all for your kind words of support :o) Love and Peace, Mea
— Mea A.
March 6, 2003
— chickiewickie
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