Question:
Has anyone had others to say rude comments..
I was wondering if anyone else has had the problem of their inlaws or others saying what I consider rude things to them.I have lost a lot of weight, about 180lbs, and everyone else tells me I look good. Today my mother-in-law walked up to me and said.."Oh, it's just like everyone has been saying, you are about dried up to nothing"! This was hurtful to me, I think she could have said it in a better way than that. Anyone else have rude comments? Thanks for answering ahead of time. — tatterpuddin (posted on March 2, 2003)
March 2, 2003
Sounds like a compliment to me. Not everyone is artful in their
expressions. Even if she didn't mean it as a compliment, take it as one
and say THANK YOU, I WORKED HARD TO GET HERE! Smile and walk away.
— Darlene P.
March 2, 2003
Hi. I used to have a mother-in-law just like that. When I was married to
her son, she had to tell everyone she could that the seamstress who made my
wedding dress had to take a size 20 and let it out to fit me. I think my
own mother was madder than I.
Anyway, over the years I've learned that life is way too short to let
things like that bother you. Please don't. You've made a new start in
life for yourself and I'm sure there is some jealousy there someplace and
it's not your problem, it's yours. I'm proud of you and I'm sure you are
loving yourself like crazy....and you should. Good Luck and never let
you-know-who bother you. You deserve better...just tell yourself that.
Karen
— Karen H.
March 2, 2003
I agree with the last poster. Act like it was a great complement. If she
meant it as a complement, you are ahead. If she didn't mean it nicely, you
are still way ahead as it will bug her that you took it the 'wrong' way.
You win either way if you handle this right. If you choose to take
offence, you gain nothing except to look sulky and adolescent. Those
negative emotions can weigh you down. Let 'em go. Life is short.
— Bobbi G.
March 2, 2003
Maybe you took it a little bit different than she meant it? Or maybe she
is honestly worried for you. A lot has to do with our perceptions and when
people don't fit them it can be scary. I hate to admit it but I said
something similiar to a friend of mine. For me, I realize I'm from a
family of large people and I'm from north Idaho where as my friend is from
southern california. So we're talking different cultures and body
expectations. To me she looked great as she was. She told me she had lost
weight before I saw her but I wasn't prepared for how thin she looked. She
honestly looked too thin to me and I knew she was still on this totally
liquid papaya juice diet. Anyhow, I guess part of my response was *worry*.
I still remember saying to her "if my mom saw you this thin, she'd
FEED you!" She said to me, "you're joking" and I said
flatly , "no she really would". I never meant it hurtfully, it
just came out, and that was even before I got into her car at the airport
where she picked me up! Turned out she had a doctor supervising her diet
and that she still had some to loose. But to my eyes, in my own
expectations of what she should look like, her new appearance and knowing
she was going to be even thinner really scared me. And it didn't help that
I got to sit and eat with her (I ate, not her). It was unsettling. I'm
just telling you this because she may not be as cold & hurtful towards
you as you feel she was. Even those of us who would never intentionally
hurt any of our closest friends and loved ones sometimes speak out of turn.
— Shelly S.
March 2, 2003
I remember a few years ago before WLS and I lost a ton of weight on a
liquid fast. My father, who had not seen me thin since I was 17 exclaimed,
"Wow Molly, you finally look like a human!" I suppose it was
meant as a compliment, but it hurt to think that I was
"sub-human" to him all those years. If and when I see him again,
I decided that it is my job to point out to him that even though he might
have meant it as a compliment, what he said was hurtful and explain why.
Some people don't know how to give a graceful compliment! Maybe ask her if
she knows of a good moisturizer? LOL
— missmollyk
March 2, 2003
At the Christmas dinner table, my MIL noticed that I was not eating the
wonderful candy that she makes, and that I didn't eat very much, and asked
if I was on a diet or something. When I told her no, that I'd had WLS, she
looked me over and then asked, "Well, is it working for you?"
Keep in mind, that at 3.5 months out I had lost about 70-80 pounds!! I've
never told her when I have dieted, and I didn't tell her that I'd had
surgery, just for the simple fact that I know how she is towards me. But
man did that hurt! But I do get a lot of compliments from every one else,
so I see it as her problem, not mine! Don't let it get to you, just glow in
the opinions of all of the sincere well wishers. Oh, and at 215 pounds
still, I get called "skinny" a lot, how funny!
— Terri Z.
March 2, 2003
Me and Jen my wife are proud of how well we have done, seeing my family in
phoenix for the first time since surgery my step mom zinged us both:( Well
bob you didnt need surgery, you should of just started eating right and
exercising more, but jen on the other hand needed surgery. This from the
person who once filled the room where we stay with WW info and thats ALL
she taked about on that visit. People who make commens like this are
talking more about themselves cause later she said I would never do thatr
to myself. (she is MO herself ) Dont worry about others it doesnt matter.
— bob-haller
March 2, 2003
It seems like sometimes our nerves stick out before our ribs do. There will
always be rude people in the world. I know this is hard but it really is
our choice as to how we let these people affect us. It sometimes depends
more on who said it than what was said.
— snicklefritz
March 2, 2003
As frustrating as it is, don't let her bother. I have one of those MIL's
also. I have not had surgery yet and she has no idea I am even thinking
about it, I probably won't even tell her about it. Don't let her get to
you, some MIL's just like to get their little jabs in wherever they can.
— Dawn P.
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