Question:
How do other pre-ops handle feeling uncomfortable in your body as you wait for WLS?
I am pre-op and waiting for insurance approval. I have not seen anyone else ask this question. Every day I seem to be growing more uncomfortable in my own body. It is an odd sensation. I want to jump out of my skin. This is strange for me because I have a good life and have strived to not let my weight limit me any more than necesary. I am not at ease anymore in this 393lb body. Has anyone else experienced this and how did you manage while you waited? I look forward to some of the good things I can create in my life and the lives of others once I am the size I feel I am in my heart. It is as if this body size no longer works for me now that I know it is not a life-long prison sentence. — Ann B. (posted on December 31, 2002)
December 31, 2002
Ann-Yes. I can relate. I think I had done a lot of self acceptance like
'you may not have the perfect body, but you are pretty anyway' kind of
things. A couple weeks ago I was killing time at the gym waiting for
someone and walking on the treadmill. On the opposite wall there was a
mirror that covered the whole wall. I looked at myself and thought,
"YUCK! Look at you!" I've been very discontent ever since.
What do I do about it??? I think to myself that if all goes right in a
year or so, I'll be looking much different. Not perfect, but much more
comfortable in my own body. Hang in there.
— Hilary P.
December 31, 2002
Hillary, this was my experience too. All of those years of learning to live
with myself just came to a screeching halt in the few months before I had
my surgery. I wanted to divorce my body. I think as we see the light at the
end of the tunnel, we become increasingly more ready to leave the life we
have. I think your view as the prisoner is right on. I felt imprisoned in a
mountain of fat. Now that I have been released from it, the feeling is
wonderful but also strange. Good Luck to you, and hang in there!
— Cara F.
December 31, 2002
I am also waiting for the word from my insurance, and I feel just like you,
I never really let the fat bother me, and know I can not stand how fat I
am. Everytime I eat a meal I am now thinking how I will be eating after
surgery. I find the wait to get the okay from the insurance company almost
unbearable.
— cindy
December 31, 2002
I too, am dying waiting for insurance approval. Ever since I started this
journey I have gotten more aware of my appearance. Although I always new I
was too heavy, I tried not to let it bother me and tried to do normal
things. When I couldn't I just sucked it up and did what I could and never
said I couldn't do something and if I knew I couldn't I just didn't bother
trying. Now that surgery is a hope for me, I am using my weight as an
excuse a lot more like why I can't go up and down the stairs 52 times to
chase our son, etc. And, sometimes I want to say to someone that gives me
that look "you know I'm not going to look like this next year"
but of course, I would never say that. I am looking forward to getting out
of this body and finding the one that lies beneath so that I can enjoy life
again. I really didn't know how good I had it nor how good I looked years
ago when I was healthy. I completely took it for granted, something I will
not do this time around with my second chance.
— Dee ,.
December 31, 2002
I am somewhat in this situation. I feel very uncomfortable in my skin, and
boy do I hate mirrors. I have my date of January 16th, 03 @ 10:30 am and I
have been approved by my insurance bc/bs HMO in three days!!!! I can't
wait!!! I am anxious as well as terrified. Heck, I'm terrified and I
still have approximately 3 weeks left. But hang in there, I'm positive it
will get better.
— Luscious1 X.
December 31, 2002
Cara's divorce analogy is perfect. One I made up my mind to go forward to
have WLS. I wanted to only look ahead. So, living in my body was indeed
like having to live with a person that I had decided I didn't want to live
with anymore.
What you are doing to look forward is very, very mentally healthy - good
for you. You'll do great!
-Lori (RNY 6/20 308/218)
— [Deactivated Member]
December 31, 2002
Good to know I'm not the only one that feels this way. Problem is I'm just
at the begining of it all. This month I meet with the dietician and
physical therapist. I'm hoping to have wls in May. My mom said my son was
saying I dont play with them like I use to, like sledding and wrestling.
For the last two winters I blamed it on being pregnaunt or having to stay
in with the twins. So what is my excuse this year mom wanted to know. None,
other then I hate that I have nothing to wear out in the cold. It is so
hard to get around like I did. I am a lightweight and have it much easier
then some, I feel like I shuldnt complain, BUT, I can't do things like I
did. It's so tiring or just plain hard. I keep saying next year will be
different. Even promised my son and daughter that we could take karate next
fall.<money premitting> I'm hoping they will forgive me for the past
two years. I wont even spend money on new clothes though I need them badly.
It's like everything is on hold. It is so frustrating. I do know my time
will come. It is like "hurry up and wait". ***grins
— TheresaC
December 31, 2002
I feel the same way. I am scheduled for surgery 1/28/03 and I feel like
jumping out of this body and into the new body I want to have! I dont
expect it to be perfect, but I am tired of feeling uncomfortable. Its
almost like an itch you can't scratch. But hang in there. We all have
body image issues due to society's attitude towards obesity, and although
its hard, we shouldn't let society dictate how we feel about ourselves.
Good luck to you.
— Tyrone T.
December 31, 2002
Finally someone said what I've been feeling for months.I've been waiting
for a date for three months,just to find out yesterday my surgeon won't be
doing anything the whole month of January.I feel everyday that my health is
failing me.I had two knee surgeries this year,and my gallbladder out
also.Now my knee feels like it's bone on bone again,and I developed
diabeties,and high blood pressure from the stress of my last knee
surgery.My stomac is in knots and everything I eat is going right through
me and that has lasted for four weeks now.So yes i know very well how you
feel.I wonder do the doctors really know what we are going through?
— Tanya H.
December 31, 2002
Finally someone said what I've been feeling for months.I've been waiting
for a date for three months,just to find out yesterday my surgeon won't be
doing anything the whole month of January.I feel everyday that my health is
failing me.I had two knee surgeries this year,and my gallbladder out
also.Now my knee feels like it's bone on bone again,and I developed
diabeties,and high blood pressure from the stress of my last knee
surgery.My stomac is in knots and everything I eat is going right through
me and that has lasted for four weeks now.So yes i know very well how you
feel.I wonder do the doctors really know what we are going through?
— Tanya H.
December 31, 2002
I've been eating like no tomorrow!! I can't help but think that I may not
have this food or that food ever again (well at least not for a few
months). I can feel myself gaining weight and my dress shirts are getting
shorter and shorter each week. Soon I'll gain enough weight where I can't
keep them tucked into my pants. Since I'm having surgery on Feb 19, I am
trying not buy any more work clothes so it will be a tight race. I'm also
starting to feel the weight on my joints and lower back again. I had
previously lost 100 pounds on my own but gained back about 60 of those
pounds already. So I'm at the brink where I was having chronic back pain
again. It seems that my maximum load for my back is right around my
current weight of 370 pounds. Oh well the surgery is only 49 days away!
Take Care, Be Well, and Be Happy!
— John T.
December 31, 2002
I am currently losing weight through a non-surgical route, which, as we
know, is slower, and unfortunately gives me lots more time to look at
myself and think, "Oh, my God! Look at me! How could I EVER have let
this happen?" But I would really like to keep the weight off this time
(down to 315 from 385, so far) so I am trying to cut back on the
self-loathing, which never gets me anywhere. This may sound really dumb to
you, but it has truly helped me a lot: In my case, my fat has been a
protector and a companion. I used compulsive over-eating to take care of
myself when my anti-depressants weren't working. (My fat had a purpose,
which I think is true, in a unique way, for every MO person.) This being
the case, I do not look at my fat as "ugly fat" and speak of it
with disgust and loathing. I say to myself/ my body, "Thank you, fat,
for everything you've done for me. You protected me when I needed
protecting. But I'm feeling much better now, and your work is done. You can
go." And when I have a negative reaction to my body, I deliberately
think positive - like when my fat arm is just a-flapping when I brush my
teeth, I think, "Look at that arm - that's a lot of self-care and
protection right there." I know it sounds goofy, but talking mean to
myself and with self-hatred certainly never helped me keep weight off, and
talking nice to myself is a pleasant experience. You might make use of this
waiting time to reflect on what purpose your fat has served, and just think
about how glad you are that you've reached this point where you are ready
to let it go. Best of luck.
— Kim A.
January 1, 2003
You know I have had that same feeling but couldn't explain it. I went from
being ok being Kimmie at 444lbs to the last couple of weeks feeling obese
(even though the numbers say I've been super morbidly obese for some time
now). I've never felt obese. I'm not sure if it's a panic state of mind
b/c my surgery date is so close. I worry now that something will happen
that will prevent my surgery. Go figure ? I'm just glad I'm not the only
one out there who has experience this. Happy New Year!
— Kimmie C.
January 2, 2003
I felt the same way! I brushed it off as part of the mental process we all
must go through to make this a success. When there is no hope in sight,
the emotions get stuffed way down in there, with WLS there is the reward of
a tool that will achieved greater success. We are in the habit of denial,
the only way to emotionally survive. With the hope of success around the
corner, we can finally allow ourselves to deal with the emotions we denied
for so long. (In my opinion) You get through it, there is no sound advise
as to what to do, you wake up every morning and know that it is getting
closer. Good luck!
— Dana B.
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