Question:
1 year PO... issues with self image
I've lost half of me. I'm 130 lbs, lost 131 lbs. I'm one year post op in January. I'm wearing a size 4. You'd think I would be happy. I'm not. In the mirror, in photos, I still see the fat girl. Therapists won't help me - I'm too strong willed and don't believe in them. Believe me, I'm pig headed. Anyway... my question is, what happens when the loss finally stops? Will I freak out? Will I start starving myself to make the loss continue? It consumes me. What is going to happen? Any advice from any of you out there? — Goldilauxx B. (posted on December 30, 2002)
December 30, 2002
Hi Cindy,
I know what it is like to see your worst enemy in the mirror. I have been
doing that for a long time. You have to want to see a friend. I would
suggest hypnosis. It is idea for people who don't trust traditional
therapy, because you are in charge. Any one who describes themselfs as
strong willed, and pig headed should have very good success. If you want
it. I wish you the very best of everything. DeAnna
— DGolsan
December 30, 2002
Sounds like you and I are twins. I', 128 pounds and a size 4 too. I'm
starting to overcome the bad self image I've always had. One thing that
truly helped me was putting a large paper over the mirror right where my
face would show and then when I walk up to the mirror all I see is a body -
no face. It's like looking at a stranger. After a while you start seeing
what everyone else is seeing. Your thin.
— Patty H.
December 30, 2002
Cyndie: You need to realize you lost a whole person, by weight but you
have not lost YOU. You are still a wonderful person. I know you are big
on counseling but from one pig headed, strong willed, control freak to
another it can be a great help. I struggled badly when I lost 200 lbs
about 7 years ago. I also thought it should be the greatest time of my
life - but it wasn't. It sent me into a tail spin for about 4 years.
Significant depression, substantial weight gain etc. It was only facing
and working through my problems that I have been feeling good for the last
3 years. I feel very ready to have this surgery. I know there will be ups
and downs and at times I will kick myself but I know I can get through it.
I know that I likely won't hate people for telling me how great I look when
all I want to shout is <B>I'M THE SAME PERSON I ALWAYS WAS</b>.
Quick significant weight loss can toss your whole life upside down. Your
mental well being is critical to the long term success of your weight loss.
I realize I do not know you at all but I do not believe we are all that
different. The fat hid a lot of things and by you still seeing yourself as
the fat girl you are still trying to hide. There are good counselors our
there. If you are willing to give it a try if you are not comfortable with
the first one then find another. Ask you doctor for some ideas as he or
she would know you best. I'm afraid if you don't work through the issues
you will eventually sabotoge your progress and future success. Just my
opinion. If I'm way off I certainly did not mean to insult you or
anything. I just know exactly what you are talking about. Good Luck,
Chris
— zoedogcbr
December 30, 2002
Good luck because unless you give up the stubbornness and allow yourself to
become the person you are you ain't going nowhere.
Henry Ford said "If you think you can or you think you can't; you are
probably right.
Let yourself go andd see the beautiful person you obviously are.
— snicklefritz
December 30, 2002
Dear roommate, You are such a beautiful girl and my heart breaks for you,
that you can't get the joy that everyone who sees you experiences. I think
that you should keep track of your food intake for a while and make sure
that you are getting enough protein and calories. You don't want to get
malnourished. Hang in there, toots!
— Kris V.
December 30, 2002
Thank you all so much for your answers! I do not think I will go back to
the way I was. My eating habits have changed so drastically, I do not eat
sugar or bread - and that was big for me. Thanks Kris... you've been great
since LITERALLY day 1. And Patty, that is an EXCELLENT idea about the
paper on the mirror. I'm going to try that!!
— Goldilauxx B.
December 30, 2002
As I was losing, and watching those scale numbers go down, I did nothing to
push the rest of the weight off, but wow, I LOVED it. I was hoping to
break 100#, you know, weigh 2 digits? Others in my life were not as
enchanted. Someone really kindly did a little test that helped my mind
with where I was, and kept me from what you fear (dieting to go ever
lower). He poked a finger on my rib, "Feel any fat here?" Well,
no, I didn't. ANd he did spine shoulder, hip bone, etc. Well, no, I could
not detect any fat. He finaly said, "You cannot get smaller than your
skeleton." It was a lightbulb moment for me. ANd I was fine settling
where I did. The SECOND thing is that you're ready for the Grad list,
where we discuss these issues frequently. Grads is for people one or more
years out to POST. Anyone can lurk and I
highly recommend it.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Graduate-OSSG
— vitalady
December 30, 2002
I have a co-worker who laid down on a big piece of brown craft paper (you
can get a roll at any office supply or probably at Wal-Mart)and had her
friend trace closely around her body with a magic marker. It wasn't until
she saw that small outline, she said, that she really grasped that her body
had changed.
— Kim A.
December 30, 2002
Cyndie. Hi. I can relate to you in some ways. I think maybe we thought
that the weight loss surgery was gonna be the answer to ALL our problems,
but it isn't. I still look ugly in the mirror naked and have issues with
my "image" but I have to keep reminding myself that I had this
surgery to improve my health, which it has, not to win a beauty
pageant....no vain reasons whatsoever. If I can keep focused on the health
aspect and keep reminding myself that I no longer need to take four
differents meds to keep alive, then I again appreciate what this surgery
has done for me. I don't know if the "image" issue will ever go
away, but I don't dwell on it. If you're like me, you probably look pretty
good in clothes. I could take the next step and go for the tummy tuck and
other little plastic surgeries, but I am determined to exercise it all away
and if I end up with a pouchy tummy, I don't care. I am HEALTHIER. Do I
still have other problems, you betcha. Too bad there's not a surgery for
all that....but that's another story. Just be happy with who you have
become. Look back at how far you've come and enjoy your journey. I don't
think the images will ever fade. I am 14 months post op and nearing goal,
slowly now. Happy New Year/
— Annie H.
December 30, 2002
I think it takes a while for our heads to catch up with our bodies. I still
saw a size 22 for a while even though I wore a size 8. A couple of things
that made the light bulb come on for me: At a size six (now) I wear a
smaller size than both Catherine Zeta-Jones and Kate Winslet (who are both
very beautiful, sexy women) and the same size as Jennifer Lopez (ditto).
Also, I don't want to be too thin any more than I want to be too fat. I
want to be healthy.<p>I found that as I maintained my weight and size
for several months, I got used to the new me and can "see" myself
better in the mirror. Sure, there are things I would change but I wouldn't
necessarily want to be smaller. I would rather stay the same size and tone
up. If you REALLY can't see yourself as you are, take a trusted friend
shopping and have her point out women (discreetely) that are about your
size and shape. That should help the light bulb come on. Good luck. I know
it's tough.<p>Another thought: Are you still wearing the same type of
things you would have worn preop? Wearing your hair the same way? Makeup?
Try a different look. I cut my hair short and refuse to wear baggy clothes
or anything that hides my hips. I think it helps. If I walked around in
baggy clothes, I would FEEL baggy, you know?
— ctyst
December 30, 2002
Our surgeon stated that studies of individuals who had achieved long-term
weight loss (by any means) indicate that it takes approximately three years
for the individual to "integrate" their self-image, or to believe
and accept not only what they see in the mirror, but also the
statements/opinions of trusted family or acquaintances. So, you see,
you're entirely normal. I'm 33 months post-op, and it's true that only in
the past few months have I truly felt "settled" in this new body.
It took months for me to give away the final "favorite" pieces
of size 26/28 clothing....it took months for me to stop gravitating
immediately to the Plus-Size department as soon as I walked into a
store...it took months for me to stop buying pieces of clothing that were
"just a little roomy"....it took months before I really
recognized that person in the mirror with the ear-to-ear smile on her face.
Try to relax and enjoy this marvelous journey. Love the person that you
were yesterday for she gave you the gifts of strength and endurance and
helped you overcome unimaginable obstacles. Love the person that you are
today as you develop the gifts of appreciation and gratitude and finding
new joys in each day that you have been given. Rejoice in the person that
you will be tomorrow for your horizons are endless. Best wishes!
— Diana T.
December 30, 2002
Hi Cydnie! I am 9 months post op and down 101# and through this have not
been able to see the loss. Oh my clothes are much smaller, my shoes have
grown, my rings are falling off but in the mirror is the same face and body
I've seen for years. 7 wks ago I began seeing a therapist recommended by
the LCSW at my Dr.'s practice who has a background with eating disorders.
I went to work on issues that brought me to this weight. She has helped me
tremendously and today I am starting to see the difference. It is possible
for those losing this much weight to display signs of bulemia, anorexia,
etc. and I don't want to go from bad to worse. Something I learned is that
there is a syndrome called: "Fat Brain" (that is the true name of
it). With this you truly cannot see yourself as others now see you. It
takes 9 mos to 1.5 yrs for your brain to catch up to your body changes so
accept this as normal and just enjoy the wonderful changes in your health.
I truly recommend counseling following this surgery as we go through so
many physical and emotional changes that you need to keep them in
perspective and assimilate them gradually into your new life. My best to
you in 2003!
— AJC750
December 31, 2002
You know what I've been doing? I'm 18 months out lost 150 pounds and still
have more to go, but not in any hurry. I have been taking personal care of
ME. I get my nails done every two weeks, my hair is colored and styled
different and I treat myself to an outfit or more at least once a month. I
love being in crowds because I know I can fit in. When I was fat (I hate
that word), I always hid "in the corner" and only got my hair cut
every month, but now, it's my turn and my husband loves it and so do I.
Tonight - go be with friends and enjoy yourself!
— dolphins94
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