Question:
Body Image and Attention Issues.. Please share your experiences
I never seen myself as being Fat, for some reason what I saw in the mirror wasn't what I had in my head of how I looked. I always picture myself as being the size that I am NOW not the size I was at 310 pounds. So therefore looking in the mirror seems like I haven't lost any weight just where I'm suppose to be. Do you see what I mean? When I was much heavier I would pass a mirror and see this real big person (which was me), but I would say to myself"It's that mirror, they make you look so big"...eventhough I weight 310 pounds I wore high heel shoes, leather pants, tight jeans, sexy undies,I always saw myself as thin in my mirror . I saw myself as thin although no one else did.I quess that since I was thin in my twenty (size 5) I never got that picture out of my head. One time I told a co-worker that I didn't see myself as fat... She started laughing , I didn't think it was funny. So now when people tell me how much weight I've lost, I'm happy but I don't see it and I probably won't until I get so skinny that I couldn't possible believe I could ever get that thin, then I'll see it. Has anyone else had this problem???? Also since losing all this weight I can't understand why I'm not getting the attention I thought I would from the oposite sex....Women tell my all the time how pretty I am, but men don't even notice me...Told you I have issues. I am seeing a psychiatric and taking meds for other reasons but I really don't think I'm the only one going though this. Can some one please share. Thanks Yall — Rebe W. (posted on December 8, 2002)
December 8, 2002
I have thesame problem, well almost, I am still seeing my self as over
weight, I know i am not , but my mind has to catch up with my body I
guess!!!I just had my abdominoplasty/mammoplasty on the 2nd. of Dec. so I
am stuck wearing sweats,because of the binder/support bra and drains,sweat
pants always make me feel fat, I have lost 153 pounds, starting weight was
270 pounds and my weight now is 117 pounds on my scale at home, and I have
lost over 100", I just gotta get my head to realize that I am fine the
way I am, but I am getting there, life is getting better everyday though!!!
thank god for wls and this site!!!
— bikerchic
December 8, 2002
Rebe,
I have somewhat of the same problem. I have lost almost 80 pounds now. I
started at 281 and although I know I am getting smaller because I am
dropping sizes in my clothes, I honestly don't see a change in the mirror
either. I have a friend that said the same thing to me when I was just a
week or two out and I couldn't believe it! She started out at 310 and now
weighs 150 and couldn't see the difference? She said I would be the same
way and of course I didn't believe her but now I am exactly the way she
said I would be. But like you, I never saw myself as huge in the mirror in
the first place. My realization would always come when I saw a picture of
myself on a day that I thought I really looked good. It has always been
like a slap in the face for me. Even though I have dropped this much
weight I still have that same slap in the face when I see a photo. Which
is why I still haven't posted a recent picture. Let me know if you ever
get past those feelings and how you did it. I certainly would be
interested if you found the answer. I know there would be a lot of others
interested in the same. In the meantime I just try not to think about it.
I am better off that way. Good luck, you definately aren't the only one
that feels this way.
— Laurel C.
December 8, 2002
I'm still pre-op - but that image of being thinner than what I really am,
prevented me from seeking this surgery long ago. This operation is only for
obes people and I wasn't obese! Well I finally came to realize I wasn't
that cubby little child an mor but someone who was well over 110 overweight
- after getting one co-bid after another it finally hit me - I AM OBESE -
NOT JUST OBESE BUT MORBIDLY OBESE! I hope when I lose my weight I'll
realize I look pretty and will see that new image as a thinner person. I
guess your mind is slower to realize what others see.
— Sally P.
December 8, 2002
Rebe,
The funny thing about your question is that I was the same way. I'm pre-op
but for the longest time I never thought I was as big as I am. I do hide
my weight well, it seems that since I decided to have this surgery I am
seeing the real me in the mirror and I don't like it. I used to only snap
into reality by seeing pics of my sitting down or when I couldn't fit
somewhere, i.e. turnstyles....The sad thing is that my mind will have to
readjust again after the surgery....Just wanted to tell my experience...
— Morna B.
December 8, 2002
Rebe, I know exactly what you mean. When I was my heaviest at 280 I was
dating a gentleman who once said to me " Do you realize you are
heavy"...My reply to him was not really....I always carried my weight
well dressed well and thought I was an attractive woman. Now after
losing all but 100 pounds my husband ( not the same gentleman that said
about being heavy)and friends keep telling me I am skinny. I wish I could
see it. I still see the same old CIndy just in smaller clothing. My
husbnad was showing me pictures fromour trip to Jamaica that was two weeks
before surgery on June 10th. He kept saying look at how diferent you
look...I still can't see it. Wonder when this will change?
— cindy O.
December 8, 2002
I can totally relate. Last night I went out with some friends and one said
"you are so tiny." I don't see myself small...I still look in
the mirror and see...well ME. I do notice some changes in my face...but
not in my body. I get a lot of attention from my family &
friends...but I just think they are crazy. I was 289 and have lost 140lbs
so far and I still see me as 289.
— Ilene M.
December 8, 2002
Dear Rebe,
I am pre-op but my body image is just like yours. When I look down at
myself, I look fine, but mirrors and pictures are a shock. I have only
been obese for the last 10 years (I'm 50) so maybe that does have something
to do with it.
Have you seen a recent photograh to compare yourself to?
I have noticed (its one of the things that bothers me the most) that
because of the weight I move differently. I was always considered very
graceful, but now moving takes forethought and planning and deep breaths.
I wonder if your body language has changed as well and that might account
for the difference (or indifference) of the opposite sex? Very deep
questions today! Let us know how it goes with you, Marie
— mariew
December 8, 2002
I know exactly what you mean. Before surgery I weighed 426 and now I weigh
180. I knew I was fat at 426, but not that fat and besides I could carry it
well (I obviously was living in fantasy land). Now, even though I've lost
all this weight, I still see myself as fat and I have to remind myself
that I'm not that person anymore. People are constantly telling me how
little I am now and this change in other people's perception of me is
rather unsettling. I always thought of myself as a big person (that's it -
I was bigboned, not fat) and finding out that I'm little has really played
havoc with me. For example, I teach high school and I like to think that
I'm in control and a little bit intimidating. A student told me the other
day that I was like a cute little doll which isn't intimidating at all. All
the other students in the room were nodding their heads in agreement with
her. This is definitely not how I see myself and I'm obviously a long way
from seeing what others see when they look at me, but I'd rather have this
minor difficulty than be the way I used to be.
— Traci H.
December 9, 2002
I too am suffering form the realization of how differant I now look. My
surgery was 6/12/01 started at 343lbs down 155.
Yes I now intillectly that I have lost 155 lbs, but do I feel it or see it?
No. This past summer I began working with a theripist regarding this issue
and in dealing with food issues. One of the exercises she has had me do is
to look at pictures of before WLS and since and make comments or assements
of the person that I see as if it were a stranger and I was meeting her for
the first time. Because in a sense that person in the picture is a stranger
to me. She felt that this would be better than standing naked in front of a
mirror and telling myself how much I loved my body. So I pulled out
pictures from about 3 months apart put them in a mini photo albumn with
space to write on the otherside and I periodically look at the picturs and
TRY to say something positive about the person I see. Its not always easy,
but I'm getting better.
— Bernice C.
December 10, 2002
Wow, I am NOT the only one out there that feesl this way! Thank you for
posting this question and thank you all for answering it! I am 7 months
post op and 110 lbs lighter and get praise constantly but I don't see it. I
still see fat me. I still shrink away from the limelight and hide when
there is a crowd. I would love to hear from anyone who can help me with
this! Please e mail me, thanks
— Gina D.
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