Question:
Passage from

This is an excerpt from the book "Good in Bed." I realize that the "author" of the passage is actually a fictional character in the book (written by a woman.) It really hit me though, so I wanted to post it here. "Loving a Larger Woman" by Bruce Guberman I'll never forget the day I found out my girlfriend weighed more than I did. She was out on a bike ride, and I was home watching football, leafing through the magazines on her coffee table, when I found her Weight Watchers folder--a palm-sized folio with notations for what she'd eaten, and when, and what she planned to eat next, and whether she'd been drinker her eight glasses of water a day. There was her name. Her identification number. And her weight, which I am too much of a gentleman to reveal here. Suffice it to say that the number shocked me. I knew that C. was a big girl. Certainly bigger than any of the women I'd seen on TV, bouncing in bathing suits or drifting, reedlike, through sitcoms and medical dramas. Definitely bigger than any of the women I'd ever dated before. I never thought of myself as a chubby chaser. But when I met C., I fell for her wit, her laugh, her sparkling eyes. Her body, I decided, was something I could learn to live with. Her shoulders were as broad as mine, her hands were almost as big, and from her breasts to her belly, from her hips down the slope of her thighs, she was all sweet curves and warm welcome. Holding her felt like a safe haven. It felt like coming home. But being out with her didn't feel nearly as comfortable. Maybe it was the way I'd absorbed society's expectations, its dictates of what men are supposed to want and how women are supposed to appear. More likely, it was the way she had. C. was a dedicated foot soldier in the body wars. At five foot ten inches with a linebacker's build and a weight that would have put her right at home on a pro football team's roster, C. couldn't make herself invisible. But I know that if it were possible, if all the slouching and slumping and shapeless black jumpers could have erased her from the physical world, she would have gone in an instant. She took no pleasure from the very things I loved, from her size, her amplitude, her luscious, zaftig heft. As many times as I told her she was beautiful, I know that she never believed me. As many times as I said it didn't matter, I knew that to her it did. I was just one voice, and the world's voice was louder. I could feel her shame like a palpable thing, walking beside us on the street, crouched down between us in a movie theatre, coiled up and waiting for someone to say what to her was the dirties word in the world: fat. And I knew it wasn't paranoia. You hear, over and over, how fat is the last acceptable prejudice, that fat people are the only safe targets in our politically correct world. Date a queen-sized woman and you'll find out how true it is. You'll see the way people look at her, and look at you for being with her. You'll try to buy her lingerie for Valentine's Day and realize the sizes stop before she starts. Every time you go out to eat you'll watch her agonize, balancing what she wants against what she'll let herself have, what she'll let herself have against what she'll be seen eating in public. And what she'll let herself say. I remember when the Monica Lewinsky story broke and C., a newspaper reporter, wrote a passionate defense of the White House intern who'd been betrayed by Linda Tripp...After her article was printed, C. got lots of hate mail, including one letter from a guy who began: 'I can tell by what you wrote that you are overweight and nobody loves you.' And it was that letter--that word--that bothered her more than anything else anyone said. It seemed that if it were true--the 'overweight' part--then the 'nobody loves you' part would have to be true as well. As if being Lewinsky-esque was worse than being a betrayer, or even someone who was dumb. As if being fat were somehow a crime. Loveing a larger woman is an act of courage in this world, and maybe it's even an act of futility. Because, in loving C., I knew I was loving someone who didn't believe that she herself was worthy of anyone's love. And now that it's over, I don't know where to direct my anger and my sorrow. At a world that made her feel the way she did about her body--no, herself--an whether she was desireable. At C., for not being strong enough to overcome what the world told her. Or at myself, for not loving C. enough to make her believe in herself."    — Courtney G. (posted on December 5, 2002)

December 5, 2002
That was awesome! I really want to read that!
   — Jamie H.

December 5, 2002
WOW - he wrote about me! Very deep and I could feel her pain. I'd like to read the rest of that book.
   — Sally P.

December 5, 2002
hi there and thank you for sharing. that was touching. i absolutely love to read. this is a must now. ill be looking for it this weekend! again, thanks! :)
   — carrie M.

December 5, 2002
Thanks for posting that passage. It's so revealing to hear it from the man's perspective, too. It says so much about what all of us women have felt. I've often wondered what my husband feels about me, deep down, where you usually can't get to with most men. I know that he loves me, but I'd really like to know more of his feelings, too. I guess I won't question it too much, though. It took me a lot of years to find a man who loved me "for me." I almost feel like a normal woman. For too long, I lived feeling that because of my fat, I wasn't entitled to all the happiness that seemed to come so easily to my thinner friends.
   — Carlita

December 5, 2002
Magnificent writing. I immediately searched-out the author, Jennifer Weiner, on Amazon.com. She has written a couple of books describing life as a zaftig. Reading the excerpts and reviews make me even more eager to read her work further. Here is the link to the books on Amazon (no, I am not an Amazon employee, nor will I get a kick-back from the sale of the books - LOL. ) <BR><BR>http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/search-handle-form/103-1735960-1761433
   — [Deactivated Member]

December 5, 2002
This was one of my favorite books of all times, anyone who has not yet read it really should!!
   — Linda 1.

December 5, 2002
Wow. I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes. My husband and I just had a converstation this week about this very topic. I found out that he didn't just tolerate my larger size, he loved it. (I feel too *boney* to him now..jeeze, I'll never win) At anyrate, that hit home. Thanks. -Kim open RNY 7/17/01 -142lbs
   — KimBo36

December 5, 2002
Not only does Jennifer Weiner rock, she is also the nicest lady; I recently e-mailed her (her email address is on the back of her books) to tell her how much I loved "In Her Shoes" and "Good in Bed" (the latter, particularly)...and she wrote me back within hours. These books are highly recommended....lets support a rockin' woman who GETS IT.
   — Tamara K.

December 6, 2002
I also have read this book, and it is great! You gotta read it!
   — fropunka

December 6, 2002
Courtney: Thank you so much for sharing that portion of the book. It was excellent, and so true. My husband has always loved me and been supportive of my million or so diets, whether at my highest weight or slightly lower. I have to say that my weight bothered ME first and foremost. Whenever people say make sure you are dieting, having surgery, etc. for yourself, I know in my heart it is always for me only. But although my husband may not care, society has been harsh, and I have reacted to that negativity by feeling bad about myself. Well I am just plain angry that unimportant people could even have a say in how I think about myself. I let that happen. After having surgery at an older age (49), I must say that I look forward to seeing some former skinnies who have put on weight through the years, that had so many insulting things to say to me during my struggle with my weight. May God hold my tongue and help me not to insult them outright. I have not read this book, but fully intend to do so. Thanks again.
   — Grace H.

December 7, 2002
hi there courtney, just letting you know that i posted earlier saying that i now must read this book! i bought it yesterday and it is a very good book, im not done with it yet . i also bought "in her shoes" and hope this one is jsut as good. thanks again! :)
   — carrie M.

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