Question:
Wondering what to tell my 10-year old son...

I have this scene in my head of my 10-year old going to school, friends, neighbors... "Mom had an operation to get rid of her fat" or "Mom's doctor made her big stomach smaller on the inside so it would get smaller on the outside"! <br><br> I would be interested in hearing how others handle the discussion.<br><br> Also, what do you tell your family to prepare them in case drastic complications happen?<br><br> Do you write letters for a "just in case" situation?<br><br>    — Deborah N. (posted on November 30, 2002)

November 30, 2002
I havent gotten any further in this process then setting up my first consult with the surgeon. BUT, through discussions with my hub and the research I've been doing, my 11 yr old son started asking questions. We sat down and talked. I explained what I wanted to do and why. I pointed out the benefits to him and his sisters as well as the ones for me. I didnt go over the risks because it needed to set in first. Im sure he will come to me with questions as he needs to know more. The biggest concern he had so far was that I would come out of the hospital having lost all 100+ pounds. Once those fears were set aside he hugged me, told me I was perfect the way I am but couldnt wait till I would go bike riding with him again. So sweet!
   — TheresaC

November 30, 2002
OK, I am going to answer you backwards...First, yes, I wrote letters to my husband and my son, and it made me feel much better. Yes, you need to make sure that someone in your family knows where all of the important papers are and you have a durable power of attorney for health care as well as a living will filled out. These will help you family in the event of a tragic situation. BUT, just filling them out and getting them signed is not enough, you need to also talk to your husband about what you put in them and why...so he is not suprised later- should he need to use them. As far as your son goes, my son is 8 years old. We talked about the surgery and why. And it has been an ongoing educational process since the surgery. He knows that the surgery is a prive thing, and he is not to discuss the surgery, or why mom does not eat too much with anyone. I am a year out this week, and it has been fine so far.
   — Vicki L.

December 1, 2002
I told my (older) kids about the surgery , but with out a lot of detail. I did stress that it was private and I was not telling alot of other people, including other family members. The day of surgery when I was at the hospital my Mother in Law called and asked for me, my son told her I was not home, she asked where I was and he told her ** IN THE HOSPITAL GETTING HER STOMACH CUT IN HALF TO LOSE WEIGHT ** needless to say I had a lot of cleanup to do when I got home. I also had to deal with both of my sons (age 22, 24) telling me it is the easy cheating way out, etc.
   — **willow**

December 1, 2002
I know how you feel. I told my two children(daughter 6, and son 8) that mommy was having surgery to be healthier and have more energy so that I could do more things with them. Children are so smart that they figure it out anyways. They will notice that you can't eat as much and that you are losing weight. They will be so proud of you and tell you so too. Good luck. Candy
   — Candy G.

December 3, 2002
With 4 kids ages 10 to 15, I was really concerned for them. I kept them in the dark about any potential complications. I was very healthy pre-op and really felt that I'd be scaring them unnecessarily. My husband agreed, and we kept the worries away from them. I just told them I was having my stomach made smaller so that I would get full faster. Also told them I wouldn't be able to eat sugar post-op. So I would eat less and more healthy. I showed them lost of pictures from this website so that they could see how "straight forward" this procedure was (lap RNY) and how successful people could be post-op. They were very relaxed; I was a basketcase. Still, I'm glad we did not expose them to the stress. I did not write letters because I did not believe I would need them. Post op, my youngest tells EVERYONE that I've lost over 100 pounds. She's so proud, and she's no longer embarrassed by my presence at school. I've learned to grin and bear it, and I'm secretly thrilled that she's so thrilled!
   — Kathy J.

December 3, 2002
I just wanted to add a post-script. Last week I put on SNOWPANTS and played with my kids in the snow (sledding and building snowmen) for over an hour! I have NEVER EVER been able to do that before. They love what the surgery has done for their mom! We had a blast.
   — Kathy J.