Question:
How do you handle not telling anyone about wls or not answer their questions?
I have been going through the process for over a year and have not discussed it with anyone, even discuss it with people from church that have had or planning to have wls. Even the thought of dealing with people afterwards makes me anxious. I have even seriously considered changing churches, I just don't know if I can handle the judgement and criticsm that comes with it. I am even trying to really loose weight so by the time I have the surgery it could seem gradual. Is that even possible?? Plus I get annoyed just thinking about people who never gave me compliments in the past after the surgery to even open their mouths to compliment me. How should I prepare myself? Vesta — vesta D. (posted on November 26, 2002)
November 26, 2002
When someone asks me what I have been doing to lose all this weight
(someone I chose not to tell) I tell them a lot of hard work!!!!!! eating
right and exercise..and I am not lying..Good luck! Hugs, MJ
— mjvallee
November 26, 2002
Vesta... Like you, I was VERY guarded with whom I told about my decision to
have weight loss surgery. In fact, I didn't even tell my closest friend or
my parents til I got a date. My FMLA paperwork was pretty innocuous so it
did not come out and say I was having gastric bypass surgery. It did say I
was having major abdominal surgery. And the ICD-9 (diagnosis) code was
Morbid Obesity. But other than that, there was no paper trail. Before I had
surgery, I did confide in my boss and two colleagues. Other than that.. no
one knew. I had planned to tell everyone that I had either
"female" surgery or had my gallbladder removed. WELL, when I came
back to work after 7 weeks, I had lost almost 50 pounds. I felt so great
and confident!!!! Though I had never intended to TELL anyone about my
surgery, I found that I was even PROUD of it!!! Before I knew what I was
doing, I was telling people who asked about it. It was selective at
first...then before I knew it, I was telling everyone!! Now everyone in my
organization knows I have had the surgery and are SOOoooo supportive!! As
for the compliments I receive, I LOVE them!! There is nothing more
wonderful than being told by people who have seen you for years...but
notice a huge change, how wonderful you look! They have even given me the
nickname of SLIM!! Talk about BEAMING!!! I don't think a change in churches
will be necessary. Keep in mind that you have to do what makes YOU feel
comfortable. But you will be amazed at how supportive people are!! When
they start seeing results, they are like "WOW".. and let you know
about it!! I am telling you! It feels terrific...whether they have
complimented you in the past or not!! It is something to be proud of!! You
will know what to do when the time comes. Good luck!!! Hugs, Kathie (in
Hawaii).... Open RNY / 08-07-02 Down 93 Pounds!!!
— KathieInHawaii
November 26, 2002
You don't have to tell anyone if you choose not to. I chose only to tell
my parents and 2 close friends that I knew would not blab. I am almost 8
months out and down 110lbs and every day I get asked how I do it. I just
tell them the truth. I walk 4 miles a day drink almost a gallon of water,
gave up sweets and eat high protein low carb. I feel this is a personal
decision and I did not feel that the world needed to be watching. Now I
just get the comments like "now lets see how you keep it off". My
mom has also had this done 3 months ago and we just tell them she is
following my diet and excersise. Best of luck to you and if you have any
questions feel free to email me. rk
— Robin B.
November 26, 2002
I have chosen to tell only my parents and my husband. I haven't told
anyone at work. When someone mentions my weight loss, I simply say,
"Thank you. How are the tiwns?" (Or some other appropriate
question to get them talking about themsleves. Works like a charm.) If
someone is really impolite and asks you straight out how you are losing the
weight or if you have had surgery, it is perfectly OK to tell them that you
are glad they noticed your weight loss, but that it is private. Then
again, bring up a subject that will get them talking about themselves.
Most people love nothing more.
— Amber L.
November 26, 2002
Vesta: Please consider talking with a counselor about your feelings.
There is nothing wrong keeping it to yourself till you are ready to tell a
select few but it would seem you are very very anxious about this. It is
something that could possibly imped your progress on the other side of
surgery.
While I have not had the surgery yet, I did lose a 180 lbs in 1994/95. I
would never have thought I would react the way I did. I know everyone was
trying to be complimentary and supportive but I actually got to the point
of being angry. I was always accepted as who I was at work and never heard
anyone making snide comments about my weight and received promotions etc.
So I should have taken their compliments in stride. I did at first, but as
time went on I actually got to the point of not wanting to hear the good
thoughts. All I could think of was I am still the same person I always was
- same loving, caring, helping, smart person who just now happens to be in
a smaller body. I always thought I was secure in my self image but this
quick drastic change rocked me.
It is clear you do not feel comfortable talking with family or close people
at church. Your church family would go out of their way to support you.
Is there not one person you could confide in? I really think a neutral
counselor could help you figure out how you want to deal with your issues.
And no I am not a counselor but a patient that has benefited from 7 years
if medication and treatment. I use my counselor now mostly as a sounding
block. I have a relatively high stress job and she helps to keep me
grounded and sane.
Please consider it. Best Wishes!! Chris D.
— zoedogcbr
November 26, 2002
i have only told my mother and my husband no one else knows so when they
say something about my weightloss i just simply say i don'y eat as much as
i used to and that seems to satisfy them and when they push the subject i
just change the subject to something about them i am afraid to tell anyone
about this cause we have discussed the surgery at work and everyone has a
very bad opinion about it so i just decided not to tell them so good luck
to you on your quest through this
— shelly B.
November 27, 2002
Vesta, just tell them you are having *female surgery* and if they want to
go further, you might just have to come right out and tell them "it's
personal". Keep in mind though, that if you tell ONE person in
"confidence", there is a possiblity the information may
"leak out" and then you'll really have something to deal with.
— yourdivaness
November 27, 2002
I know how you feel. I told my parents about this 6 days before surgery
and in that amount of time, they managed to tell everyone in my entire
extended family, everyone in their offices, everyone they meet on the
street, etc. People I haven't seen in 10 years know about this now. And
yes, they will always want to talk to you about it and they will watch what
you eat and watch your weight for you. I am not ashamed of this surgery,
but I don't want to be "the freak" that everyone has to watch
forever. You can't untell something to people. So watch who you tell. If
I had to do it again, I would still tell my parents, but I would have
BEGGED them not to tell the whole world in a matter of days. Don't know if
that would have done any good though. Regardless, the surgery is worth it!
— ediecat
November 27, 2002
Hi there. I did not feel the need to be very secretive about this whole
thing, either before or after surgery. I told everyone in my family and a
handful of people at work prior to surgery. Since the surgery (9/25/02),
many people have asked me how I am losing so much weight and I am perfectly
honest with them. You will be surprised by everyone's reaction- just about
everyone and their brother saw the Al Roker story or has heard about Carnie
Wilson and think it is great that I got it. And who cares if someone
didn't give you a compliment before the surgery but they do now! Enjoy it!
:-) We can't change the way society thinks of obese people or what is
considered "beautiful" in our society, so don't worry about
whether you are trying to conform to it. Just be yourself, be happy in the
body you are in (whatever size), and know that you are doing this to
lengthen and enrich your life. I wish you a very Happy Thanksgiving and
good luck with your surgery!
— Lesli J.
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