Question:
What do I say about visiting me in hospital when I haven't told ...

them what kind of surgery I am having except a gallbladder removal? The hospital where I am having surgery has a baritric floor just for patients like me and everyone I work with we are all very close like a family. I don't want them to know I am having WLS but if they visit me they will know. How should I handle it when they ask what hospital I will be in?    — Bonnie C. (posted on October 27, 2002)

October 27, 2002
Well you can keep it secret for a very short time. The problem:) is that when the weight starts falling everyone will think you have cancer or other fatal disease. It will lead to tons of rumors and idle speculation. Truly how many folks have you ever know that loose as fast as a WLS post op? And keep it off? Better to be upfront and tell them the truth. WLS is nothing to be ashamed of.
   — bob-haller

October 27, 2002
Just tell them the hospital but that you don't want visitors. Tell them you'll be to out of it to appreciate it. That if they want to visit you, they can at your home when you're released from the hospital. & if you think they'll come anyway, ask them not to. Be kind & firm.
   — LionGirl2k

October 27, 2002
I was like you, I didn't want co-workers to know about the surgery and was glad I didn't tell them. I didn't want uneducated people about the surgery to give me their opinion. And frankly I was dealing with my own thoughts and concerns to spend time educating them. What I told them was that I heal better if I don't have to worry about vistors and if I can get plenty of sleep, so it would be better if I had no vistors. I let them know a family member would call the supervisor and let her know how I was doing and she would pass the info on. That was 5 mos. ago and now everyone knows what kind of surgery I had. It gives you more confidence to tell them when there are results to fall back on. Now there is a co-worker and her husband who are awaiting approval. God Bless.
   — Cheryl S.

October 27, 2002
Make light of it if they say anything before you go in and make a point of saying something like "Are you kidding, visit me when my hair could be going in nine millions directions, I don't have any makeup on, wearing the worst 'bed attire' imaginable with tubes coming everything I have? Like I'd really want anyone I know to see me like that. Send me your warm wishes while I'm there, but please don't come until I've had a chance to be presentable." I did that with my co-workers and it worked like a charm. My boss even came and sat with my hubby while I was in surgery, but he didn't come to the room. I really appreciated that.
   — Cathy S.

October 28, 2002
My opinion: if you really want to keep it a secret, give them the wrong hospital name. Later, when you return to work and they say, "We tried to visit you, but the hospital said you weren't registered," you can say, "Oh, I'm so sorry ... I should have told you. At the last minute, my surgery got moved to ABC instead. I was so thrown by this last-minute change I forgot to inform everyone." This happens fairly frequently due to insurance policies, etc. Kinda a "white lie", but if you're serious about keeping this a secret, go all the way with it!!! LOL
   — Terissa R.

October 28, 2002
You are in the hospital for such a short period of time, just tell them that you'll be home before you know it and that you would prefer no one visit you in the hospital except for immediate family. As for telling your co-workers, you don't have to tell anyone if you don't want to. I have not told 1 person at work and I am 8 months post op. I waited until 3 months post-op before telling a few friends and parents. When everyone wanted to know how I lost so much weight I told them the truth minus the surgery-small frequent meals, more exercise, lots of protein, minimize the carbs and sugar, lots of water. No one questioned it. Be careful whom you share the info with. Once you tell its out there.
   — Cindy R.

October 28, 2002
I actually didn't keep my surgery a secret, however- I made it clear (from previous surgery expiriences) that visits were not required. Not only was my hospital too far away, I told them I'd be useless to converse with, anesthesia really knocks me for a loop. They (I think) were a little relieved to not to have to make the 2-3 hr round trip. Still this wasn't the greatest idea on my part- because you need brain stimulation. You need a break in the monotony. I didn't have this; (I wouldn't even turn on my TV and I should have at least done THAT!) and I got really depressed.
   — Karen R.

October 28, 2002
I agree with the last poster. I too told everyone about my surgery but also made it very clear that I wanted NO ONE to visit me (or, indeed, call) at the hospital. I told them that surgery makes me weak, and I just needed time to recover. As long as I had one loved one (mom, dad, sis) there at all times to wipe my butt or do whatever needed doing (including fielding phone calls), I didn't want anyone else there. This is YOUR time to heal. Don't worry about pissing people off -- but be firm about your wanting to be alone. As a side note, I did have my dad email all my friends regularly, to keep them posted, and that helped a lot. Even if your friends don't really know what you're going in for, they will likely respect your wishes. Good luck!
   — Tamara K.