Question:
I want to do a paper on issues we face as obese people
Hey all. I want to do a report for my Psychology class (Stress and Health)on the stressors that we have all face as obese people. I also want to know particular instances where you felt you may have been discriminated against because of your weight. Please, no names. I know the suffering I have been through but I want to expand on that. Any assistance would be appreciated. I want to know about your self esteem before you had surgery and if you had surgery already how things have changed for you. Please send your reply to my email address and everyone who responds to me (if my professor lets me use this topic) I will send you a copy of my report when I finish. God bless. Teresa — Teresa G. (posted on September 4, 2002)
September 4, 2002
I will keep this short and sweet....
Recently I went for a job interveiw at a VERY well known business across
the country. I have a B.S in Marketing. I was in the top 5 of my graduating
class..exc... I was asked in my interview " How do you present
yourself to clients?" As if there was 150 different ways to present
yourself..(LOL) Even so I was not offended. That might be a
"Real" question,right? No less than 10 min later... I was flat
out asked would my weight get in the way...or would my apperance hold me
back from being in the public eye....I wanted to say...."Until 8
Seconds ago NO " I awnsered .."No" and I felt like I was
being punished like I was caught doing something bad.... I wish I would
have confronted him then and there. 2 weeks later a girlfriend who works in
this company, told me that a women who had been hired who looked like a
living version of Barbie. My friend also gathered this women has no
education and can't even type. My girlfriend also went to the man who gave
me the interview and asked "what about the girl who had the 6 page
refrence sheet?" He (not knowing that she knew me) replied " She
LOOKED lazy "
— lnelson
September 4, 2002
When I was a teenager and looking for a job, a friend of mine (who happened
to be thin) went to the mall. We decided to split up and apply at as many
stores that we could and meet back at the entrance when we were finished
collecting all the applications. We wrote the names of each store on the
top of each application so we knew where to return them to. When time was
up she had 4 times the amount of applications that I did and we ended up
going to almost all the same stores. When I looked through the apps she
DID get it was at stores that told me "I'M SORRY, WE AREN'T HIRING
RIGHT NOW". And yet she never got that sentence in ANY of the stores.
It was the first real "slap in the face" I got about my weight
when I was younger.
— Laurel C.
September 4, 2002
When I was a senior in high school (many moons ago), I was a part of a job
program for clerical workers. I interviewed with a doctor's office to
transcribe tapes. I was a straight A typist and made straight A's in
shorthand and was considered one of the most skilled persons in the
program. My teacher/coordinator told me the doctors in the office didn't
want to hire me because they though I wasn't smart enough to do the work
because I was overweight. (Sometimes doctors are quite stupid aren't
they?) Another incident was when my husband and I were travelling about
2 years ago. We stopped at a Subway sandwich shop to get some lunch. We
got in line, got our food and went to sit down and there was no place in
the entire shop I could fit into as it was all small booths. I was so
humiliated. We took our sandwiches down the road and ate at a roadside
stop. You'd think subway, which has made it's marketing campaign on people
losing weight would do something so obese people could sit down.
— Cathy S.
September 4, 2002
I have a little story. I had some car trouble one day and my car stalled
right in the middle of the road. It was a very busy street. I was so
scared!! I got out of my car and started to push it out of the road. Not
ONE person stopped to help me. Not only did they not stop to help, but
people were actually honking and yelling at me. "Get out of the
way!!" They were cursing, and flipping me the finger....etc. I was
scared, hurt, humiliated!! Now, if I were a thin girl, people would have
been happy to help. No one wanted to help the "fat lady". I am
now 10 months post and already below goal. I am 5'7" and weigh 134
pounds. Boy, if they could see me now!!!
— skymaxjr
September 4, 2002
My story begins when I was 20 years old. I had to lose 40 pounds to get
into the Navy. At that time they relied strictly on weight/height
standards. I lost the weight and got in, but of course shortly after boot
camp I started putting the weight back on. I struggled over the years with
keeping my weight low enough to get by, but of course it is the only thing
that kept me from being considered a "top sailor" I always had a
low score in military bearing because of my size. I fasted and purged to
lose weight when my re-enlistment date came up and again made it through.
During all this time I continued to pass every Physical Fitness Test, but
was considered overweight, so the same low marks. At the just prior to the
10 year mark, I gained approx 5 pounds when I pulled a hamstring and was
unable to run. That put me at 31% body fat, or obese. Again, I was still
able to pass the PT test and was considered a top sailor. I was instructor
by this point, and was not allowed to teach a class because they could not
have "obese people" in front of young sailors. One month before
my End Of Obligated Service, my command requested an extension to allow me
time to lose the weight and then allow me to re-enlist. I attended aerobics
every day and fought hard to lose the 5 pounds. I was measure for body fat
over my sweats and they determined that I was still 31%. With only 2 days
until my end of service date, I was informed that my extension request had
been denied and that I would be discharged. This all happened 1 week before
Christmas. I was living in base housing and had to be out and on the
streets as a single mother of two within a week. It was devastating, I felt
like a huge failure to my family. I felt like I had let them all down. I
honestly did not feel fit to live, and contemplated suicide. My love for my
children pulled me through the greatest depression of my life.
Over the years my weight has continued to climb with each passing diet,
but I honestly felt I had become more comfortable with how I was built, and
who I was as a person. I am currently at 44.1 BMI. I have experienced many
other forms of discrimination related to weight, but none was ever so
devastating as that. I was classified as worthless because of my weight. It
didn't matter how fast I could run or how many sit-ups I could do, I was a
worthless human in their eyes. I can't tell you how many times I've lied to
people over the years about why I got out after 10 years. It was just to
humiliating and painful to tell the truth.
I discovered weight loss surgery was covered by my insurance earlier this
year. I spent a lot of time looking into it, and know that this is right
for me. I have severe GIRD and sleep apnea. I am looking forward to many
healthy years to come with my grandchildren, and the thought of not having
to apologize to the person in the airplane seat next will be so nice. I am
scheduled for surgery within the next month, and am looking forward to my
new life.
— Sabra_D
September 4, 2002
Well, I have a ha-ha for you. I was once turned down for a RADIO job
because the interviewer didn't like the way I looked......he let me do a
demo tape 'cuz we had talked several times of the phone and he "liked
my voice" but when I went in for the interview, I could see it in his
eyes, that I didn't LOOK right for a RADIO job!!!!!!
I decided that it was his loss and that I wasn't meant to work there
anyway.......who wants to work for a moron?????
Good self esteem has not been a continuing issue for me. Now that I'm down
70lbs, co-workers and other people I see regularly say I look great and
want to know how I feel. Do they expect me to say I feel lousy? I work
40hrs/wk, keep up with my children and my clients, and have not had a sick
day since returning to work. ( I work for a mental health agency.)
Good luck with your paper!!!!!
— V. Page C.
September 4, 2002
I have been obese since I was in 1st grade. I went through school being
absolutely overweight and made fun of. I had a lack of friends and therefor
was very depressed. I know that obesity is genetic as my father is almost
400 pounds or more. I have a brother who is a toothpick! In high school, I
finally came to the reality that I cann't let others control my emotions. I
have to some to my senses. I decided that people were not useful to me...
the ones that were mean. I knew that the people who cared for me actually
cared for me and I also knew that I didn't really care about the other
people. If someone chose to not like me for who I was, heck with them! I
don't need them anyways. So I got my self-esteem back in high school. As of
now, I am 10 days post op and feel that this is the best thing that I could
have ever done. I feel like I have a chance. I am only 22 and have only a
few co-morbidities, but they were awful. I have severe acid reflux and one
of the main things was that I have irregular menses which made me
infertile. I am a childcare provider and would like to have a family of my
own and this surgery really gives me hope that I will do that someday. I
hope I have given you some information you can use, if you need anything
else, please feel free to contact me! Take care and God Bless!
— sammygirlwpc
September 4, 2002
Teresa - you should definatly check the archives for this one - there are
tons of experiences tallied up there!
— jen41766
September 5, 2002
I work in the marketing/communications area. When I was obese, I
consistently reported to bosses at work who were half as qualified as I
was. I was passed up for promotion opportunities time and time again I'm
sure because of my weight. Although my bosses were normally complete
idiots, they looked good in a suit and were "presentable." I
didn't feel as angry about that then as I do now. It is human nature to
glorify thin/pretty people and to give them benefits and kudos you don't
allow more homely/fat people. Now, as a thinner person, I am only working
half as hard and getting twice as many perks/praise ... which is nice in a
way, but really pisses me off in another way! BTW, I think your doing a
paper on this issue is GREAT.
— Terissa R.
September 5, 2002
Hi Teresa. Good luck on your paper. I have nothing as concrete to share
as the other posts, but I know that I've been denied needed surgery for a
torn achilles tendon, was never asked out on dates in high school (and my
brother told me it was because I was overweight/fat), have been sneered at
by young kids on the street, have been ignored by people (including other
fat people) in small groups, have sat next to people on airplanes that
wouldn't even look at me let alone talk to me, and have never been
complimented by my father on my appearance unless I've lost weight, while
my sister received lots of accolades for being small, etc. blah, blah,
blah. It takes great strength and courage to walk in this world as a large
woman and hold your head high with dignity. Obesity is a very lonely and
isolating disease.
— rebalspirit
September 5, 2002
Hi Teresa, I had just given birth to my now 13 year old son and was leaving
the grocery store with him and my then 10 and 12 year old kids. As we got
to our car a man pulled out of his space without seeing us, I yelled
"Watch out", not rudely or anything just a warning. He said (and
I remember it like it was this morning), "I wouldnt hit you lady,
you'd dent my bumper." I tried not to break down because my older kids
were there but it still hurts.
— Leslie S.
September 5, 2002
Hi Teresa. As far as health problems specific to obese individuals.
You'll find many people are refused treatment that could save their lives
or make them more bearable because the doctor won't work on extemely obese
people. Whether it be knee surgery, back surgery, or other. Personally I
had a friend who weighed well over 400 lbs. His legs had gout, he could
barely hobble short distances, and he was on the verge of losing all blood
flow in his legs (thus losing them). He was refused the only treatment
left available to him by MANY doctors. Finally one older doctor felt that
quality of life was important. The choices were 1) not doing anything
which meant he would surely loose his legs or 2) do the treatment despite
his weight and risk losing his legs that way. He chose to treat him, do
the risky surgery, and literally gave back this mans life. Its easy for
doctors to say "loose weight" (we're talking 100 + lbs of weight
for the man I mentioned), but as we all know its difficult to lose weight,
let alone without the ability to actually MOVE. Without WLS my friend has
lost over 100 lbs and stays active. But without someone realistically
looking at the situation and being willing to take on the risk of working
with the morbidly obese he never could have (and I mean that in the literal
sense, he really could not have)continued a mobile life or made his life a
LIFE again.
— Shelly S.
September 5, 2002
To add my 2 cents: I lived in NYC for about 7 years, relocating from North
Carolina when I was 20 years old. I have always been fat from the time of
my first memories when my brother and I were in the kiddie pool in the back
yard and my bathing suit would not stay on because my fat rolls would push
it down. Of course my mother has a photograph of that to this day that
makes me cringe, but anyway..... I was about 190ish when I lived in NY and
I had broken up with a boyfriend and basically stopped eating and lost
about 40-45 lbs. I felt great after it was all said and done. I would run
and bike and had tons of energy because I had a job that allowed that. I
started back to school and my activity was cut in half and I immediately
started gaining weight. I eventually got to the point that the only way to
keep myself at around 140 lbs was to eat about 800 calories a day, ride my
bike or run at least every other day, and not eat meat at all. I started a
pre-med program for undergraduate and this was virtually impossible so of
course I gained the weight back. I remember one beautiful afternoon in
November I took a run in Central Park about noon. I had killed myself to
loose 40 lbs and felt great. As I crossed over into Central Park, two guys
in the crosswalk yell "You're gonna have to run faster than that
honey". I quickly replied to their remarks and their protruding beer
bellies "Maybe you shoud try LITE beer". I felt great about my
rebuttle, but I turned around and ran home with my tail between my legs.
Incidently, I am now 250 lbs. being completely ignored in retail stores,
being scanned up and down by some 100lb girl at the bank, and being ignored
for potential jobs. I think the one thing that makes me even more CRAZY
than the rest is the assumption by the general public that you are
stupid!!!!! That one really gets me. I have a Bachelor's degree in
Microbiology with a double minor in Chemistry and Biology and I get waited
on last in the Seven-11!!!!!
— Tara J.
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