Question:
How do you overcome your fear to get healthier?

I have been lurking for over a year,and even sent off for a packet from surgeon.A co-worker was having this done(dec 01),so I decided to research it.Well she passed away 3 weeks post-op,and I decided to live fat was better than not at all! She had leakage from the bowel from what I heard.I was not real close to her,but just knowing this was upsetting.I have had 2 ops in my life,tonsils,then gall bladder removal.My neuro says I need a lumbar fusion on my back(DDD,and 2 herniations)but if I was to lose weight it might be preventived.I have high cholesterol(282) and a family history of diabetes,heart attack.I know I would feel better,and be so much healthier if I lost at least 100#s,but I have 2 children,and my co-worker left behind a 5 y/o for someone else to raise.I am so scared!! Scared to do nothing,scared to do something!! Any advice?    — melissa S. (posted on August 21, 2002)

August 21, 2002
hiya as my surgery date got closer, i got more and more scared. the rny was my 10th major surgery and i felt sure i would die on the table since this surgery was "my choice" as opposed to the others (c-sections/hysterectomy...) but i did research, went to support groups, and met with a counselor. i highly recommend counseling. highly. also a support group is wonderful. studies have shown that wls patients need support for at least 3 years post op. i say 6 mos to 1 year pre op also. i had to look at why i was having the surgery. i had tried everything to lose weight, only to lose and regain. the gym, slim fast, weight watchers, dr. atkins, cabbage soup, phen-fen, redux, meridia, xendrine, dexatrim, all natural holistic stuff.... i had sleep apnea, extreme high blood pressure even on meds, fallen arches, was sick all the time, couldn't walk more than 15 feet without having to catch my breath, sweated all the time, a very diseased gallbladder, severe back pain,high cholesterol, a pulmonary artery aneurysm, i slept all the time, i couldn't play with my kids, if i got on the floor someone had to help me get up, i was wearing size 3x-4x and running out of bigger sizes. and i hated what/who i saw in the mirror. i only had 4 months from referral to operation and luckily only a few complications. nothing major though and i would do it again in a heartbeat. i wouldn't even blink twice. my blood pressure is normal - with no meds; my cholesterol is perfect - with no meds; my aneurysm shrunk to well below the size of needing surgery (it was borderline); i can walk 5 miles without getting winded; i wear size 6; i can wear bracelets again, i can wear my original wedding band and engagement rings i have clavicles!! i can lift over 200lbs with my legs!! i can run around with my 8 year old on my back! i went back to school and am working on getting into a new career, i just got my notary license, i facilitate a wls support group, i volunteer at the hospital i like who i see in the mirror, i LOVE the me that gets up at 4:30 in the morning to work out. i have 5 kids and a wonderful husband. i told them all how much i loved them before surgery. i would've died without it. we can all die at any time but i would rather die knowing that i had truly lived. you can email me anytime. [email protected] {{{hugs}}} kate
   — jkb

August 21, 2002
Please consider the lap band (adjustable gastric band). It is much safer than the other weight loss surgeries. Many people who are very uncomfortable with the other, more radical surgeries have been very happy with the band. For more info, see my profile or put "lap band" or "adjustable gastric band" into a search engine. There is also a group at yahoogroups.com called bandsters where you can find a wealth of information. Sometimes the fear is something we need to listen to.
   — M. B.

August 21, 2002
I can't say I have completely overcome it yet, but every time I read something scary or start waffling, I come back here and consider the dozens and dozens of people who have been there, scared as me, and come through it. The honesty on this site is particularly appealing; lots of folks have had problems to overcome after the WLS, and some don't even recommend it. Here, the statistics become real. My decision is closer to being made every time I heft this 325 lb body and realize that I'm so tired becasue it's like carrying a large man around with me everywhere I go. I'm only 32, but my knees creak like a pensioner's and I sometimes can't breathe. Life as an MO sucks; I've been on both sides so I know. I can't wait to get "down there" again. Vanity does play a role, but a very small one. I like my life and I want to live a long, long time.
   — Jeanie

August 21, 2002
The percent of people who have the surgery and die from complications is very, very low. There are no guarantees in life that you won't or will be one of those. People die from surgery, however, more people die getting behnd the wheel of a car every day...it drives me batty when people are afraid to fly because of a terrorist incident, yet will drive 1000 miles to go to Disneyworld with their kids in the car-the statistics of dying from a car accident are astronomically higher than being hijacked!! If you do not have the surgery, what are your chances for a healthy and happy life with your 2 children? You said that there is a family history of high cholesterol, diabetes and heart attack..think that gets better or worse if you lost weight? You've got a right to be scared-we all were, but look at this realistically and then make your decision....
   — Cindy R.

August 21, 2002
Melissa, I know how you feel. I was so scared that something would happen to me during my surgery or after it and that I would die. I have four very small children, that I was so worried about leaving behind. I spent hours reading the Memorial Board and wondering why I wanted to do this voluntarily to myself. But, I had to make a decision. What kind of quality would I have in my life at my weight? Sure, I managed fine now...but in another 20 years? I want to enjoy my life and be healthy and be able to do everything with my children that I can't do now. I realized one day, that my children had never even been to a swimming pool...because thier Mom was to embarrassed to get in a swim suit. You have to weigh your options and make the best decision for you. Sure, you could die. But, you could also die just getting in your car and going to the store. People die everyday, but does that make you afraid to live your own life? If you needed to have emergency surgery for something that was very painful...would you tell them no because you were afraid of dying? Obesity is a disease. It is painful in every single way imaginable! I dont consider this an elective surgery. YOU NEED IT. I am only 26 years old, with almost no cormidities and I felt guilty for wanting the surgery because there was really nothing wrong with me except for my weight...but did I want to wait until I was 50 years old at even more weight and problems such as sleep apnea and heart problems before I decided to get the surgery. That would make it even more dangerous. The decision is yours to make and it is a very PERSONAL decision. Sometimes though, you have to take a leap of faith even though it is scary to do it. GOOD LUCK and **God Bless** you!
   — Shawnie S.