Question:
What should I tell my employer?? I don't want anyone at work to know that I am having
this surgery done. That's if I have it done. I have had gallbladder surgery and other stomach problems in the past that they are aware of and can't use that as an excuse. I hate lying but the people I work with are not the type of people that I want to knowing about this. Any suggestions?? Thanks. — Belinda S. (posted on May 2, 2002)
May 1, 2002
To be perfectly honest, it's really none of their business and you should
not feel guilty or bad informing them of such. It sounds like you want to
volunterily give your co-workers a "little information" so...just
tell them that your stomach problems are flaring up again, you are having
abdominal surgery for digestion or metabolic problems/deficiencies, or that
you are having "reflux-type" symptoms and need additional
studies/tests in the hospital for a few days...I don't know...I'm not
giving much information other that medical/surgical terms I'm familiar with
that closely resemble my co-morbidities and will keep folks from asking me
anything else. I just don't think it's any of their business...By the way,
you could also mention "female surgery", then if they try to get
you to divulge further, the ball is in your court. Hope this helps!:)
— yourdivaness
May 1, 2002
Now some folks dont tell BEFORE surgery, so people dont scare them with
horror stories. BUT after surgery is different! Do you want to be a gossip
topic? Your about to loose oover a 100 pounds almost overnight. You will be
on dislay to them. If YOU had a coworker loose that much weight that fast
after surgery, and you didnt know what the surgery was for what would YOU
think? They are dying of cancer, AIDS, or have become a drug addict!
Unfortunetly these are the ONLY ways average folks are able to loose that
much weight. So your better off telling them the TRUTH post op. Theres NO
HIDING what you are about to accomplish.<{> besides one of your co
workers might mention you to a MO friend and save their life.
— bob-haller
May 1, 2002
My surgery date is May 9th. I have just told everyone that I am having
surgery due to complications with my recent diagnosis of diabetes. I have
also joked around with people that post-op I will be very limited on food
for a while, so I guess it will be a great way to lose weight. I go to a
lot of business dinners so I had to put in something about eating habits
when I come back to work.
— Linda A.
May 1, 2002
If you are using FMLA the only person who has to see the diagnosis is
someone from your HR department. You do not have to tell your supervisor
or coworkers or anyone else. I have chosen to tell people, but if I
hadn't, I would just say that I didn't wish to discuss it. When you do
that, people may try again, but if you just keep saying you don't wish to
discuss it, they'll give up asking pretty quickly.
— garw
May 2, 2002
I never told. I just took a week off for a "home vacation", had
surgery on Friday, and then was back to work in 10 days after a lap RNY.
The trick is to NEVER tell how many pounds you've lost. It's hard for
people to tell how much weight an MO person has lost, and it takes a month
or two before people really start to notice. I never tell # of pounds, and
they just think I'm doing great on my diet (I've lost over 100 pds in 8
months, and no one has a clue about the surgery).
— mom2jtx3
May 2, 2002
I agree with Hadiyah. I have a male supervisor and told him i was surgery
related to "female problems", and he totally backed off!! he
didn't even want to hear it! Now as for human resources, we have an
outside agency called Gates McDonald, and they do not relay any information
unless you tell them to. But all you really have to do is tell your
surgeon to use diagnosis codes. What you do is no one else's business.
— Tamara F.
May 2, 2002
I am going to tell my employer that I am having benign cysts removed from
ovaries. My mother has a long history of ovarian cysts so I got alot of
info from her so I know what to say if my boss asks me alot of questions.
Or you could even get by with saying that we are having a hernia repaired.
Best Wishes!!!
— Karen W.
May 2, 2002
I just kept it simple...and did not lie. I told my boss and anyone who
asked that I was having abdominal surgery. No one asks anything further.
Hope this helps.
— Sandra C.
May 2, 2002
Someone else asked that question a few months ago and a nurse replied that
bowel obstruction surgery is similar in that you must follow a strict diet
and that you will loose a lot of weight. I have had 2 c-sections and was
told that I have lots of scar tissue growth~~~~~~it is a possibility for a
woman who has had any previous surgery to end up with scar tissue
obstructing the bowel. I will probably tell strangers that and close
friends and family "the rest of the story". (some of my scar
tissue is to removed during my wls). Good luck and dont let the
"story" about your wl keep u from enjoying it!!
— cherokey55
May 2, 2002
Why is everybody so afraid to just tell people the truth??
I told my work exactly what type of surgery. Its not like its a big secret
that I am obese, right. Nobody said anything negative to me at all, just
the opposite. I had several people who had relatives who had gone through
this surgery and they were very encouraging. Now I am 8 weeks post-op and
down 62 lbs, and heads are really turning and people are saying I look
great and congratulating me. What are you going to say in 2 months? Nobody
looses that much weight from a bowel obstruction or gall-bladder or ovarian
cyst or what ever other lie you tell somebody.
But most of all, I am very thankful that Sherri P. who worked with my wife
was honest and upfront about her WLS almost 2 years ago. If it weren't fer
her, and us learning about WLS from her success, my wife wouldn't be down
102 lbs after 1 yr and me well on my way to success. Sherri P., thank you,
your honesty may have saved my life. All you out there who think you have
to lie about WLS, somebody's life may depend upon you being honest. What if
Carnie Wilson would have thought she had to keep her WLS a big secret?
— Dell H.
May 2, 2002
Be no more open than the other people in your office about their personal
life. How many men are taking Viagra? How many women have herpes or yeast
infections? How many women have had miscarrage? How many women have had
tubals or men vascectamy? Being obese does not mean we loose the right to
have respect like all of those other people. Why do you feel you have to
tell people every single detail of your surgery. I told my surgeon that
only my family would know and he said he holds my privacy very closely and
will only fill out the FMLA papers with what they need to know. I told him
I knew that my gall bladder would be removed so that part of my surgery was
the extend to what I was telling my neighbors, co-workers, casual friends.
He said that is perfectly normal. When I got my surgery date, I had to
wait 3 months, so I told everyone at my work that the tests I'd been
running did result in me needing my gall bladder removed and I had a
surgery date in Dec. Only one woman asked why the wait and I said because
my surgeon knows it's not emergency surgery and he wants me to try to loose
some weight because open surgery on an obese person is very risky. After
that everyone was quite nice and wished me the best! When I returned to
work after surgery looking just slightly smaller, I said, You know this
surgeon has had me watching what I eat since October. My friends and co
workers have seen me diet and regain before so this is no surprise to them!
They know I bring my lunch and I eat 6 meals a day - the diabetic diet. I
have the respect of others and I am getting my health back. The important
people in my life who need to know were told!
— blank first name B.
May 2, 2002
I wanted to post again and say that I disagree with Dell. First, according
the the info the nurse gave, with a bowel obstruction, you HAVE TO FOLLOW A
VERY STRICT DIET...hence the weight loss. Second, if you chose not to tell
then do not and especially dont feel bad about wanting to have a private
life. Most people do not tell their personal stuff to coworkers...I go to
work to earn a paycheck not to make the other employees part of my personal
life. ALso I think that most people...who have a life, wont really pay
much attention to you and your life...it will be months later when they
look up and say WOW you look great...and u say, yep, this diet is
wonderful...you of course will be on a lowsugar/fat/carb, high protein diet
and will be getting exercise!!!!!!!!!! I say if its personal for you,
don't feel bad about keeping it that way!!!
— cherokey55
May 2, 2002
And then by telling a lie, you perpetuate the false belief that diets work,
and you never know whose life you may have cost because now they will think
that they need to just diet once again, and not learn about the miracle
that WLS is. How selfish to find a miracle and not be willing to share it
with somebody else.
— Dell H.
May 2, 2002
Personally, I have not decided yet what exactly I am going to tell people,
but I know I will tend to NOT share and to keep things private. That's just
the kind of person I am. I don't think there is a right or wrong answer
though, it's just a decision that each of us has to make and much like
deciding to have wls or not, make knowing all the pros and cons. Yes, I
know that by NOT being very upfront and open, I am likely to find myself in
a situation where someone does ask me about weight loss and I'll have to
deicde at that moment what to say. And maybe that could all be prevented by
telling everyone at work, but that's just not my style. Dell, I think it's
great if you are an advocate or representative or whatever term we want to
use, and maybe do introduce others to wls and perhaps help someone else,
and obviously you benefitted from someone else being open and sharing. But
that doesn't mean anyone should have to do so or should be judged for not
doing so. I don't feel that I should have to go into work and share with
co-workers when I do a monthly breast self-exam (on those months I
remember) because of the positive benefits to others if it promotes others
to think about that or do a BSE. And like someone else said, everyone else
in my office certainly isn't sharing all of their medical issues with me.
This issue is more prominent as far as what to tell people though, because
the effects are outside and obvious and people will notice a difference in
you. So that's one of the cons to not being open and honest- it's a lot
harder to "hide" this from those around you than it would be to
"hide" some other things. But I think each person has the right
AND the responsibility to make that decision for themselves, and none of us
shold judge what others may choose, even if it's different from our choice!
— cp
May 3, 2002
NOT EVERYBODY HAS TO BE ON A SOAPBOX. If everybody was a motivational
speaker then noone would have an audience. And believe me fat people know
that diets dont work....if they did noone would be fat. It is not up to
you to save the world. It is not your responsibility or mine. No one told
me about the surgery, I had seen the articles in magazines and ads on tv.
I even heard about a place called weight for life on the radio. You do not
need to make yourself feel like a sideshow or infomercial just to spread
the word. There are plenty of people in the world that dont mind sharing
their personal life with everyone. You ARE NOT being selfish by desiring
a private life...as I said fat people know diets dont work. I know of
several obese people that think that I am admitting defeat b/c Im 'giving
up' and getting the easy way out. So not all big people are going to
respect and appreciate or even want to hear the wealth of info that you
have to offer. I am not wanting to have the surgery so I can be a free
advertisement or a poster child for wls, I want to live to see my babies
grow up and I want to spend my twilight years sitting on the porch swing
with my hubby...I dont wanna be a poster child...I just wanna live. DONT
feel guilty for wanting the same thing.
— cherokey55
Click Here to Return