Question:
Is anyone crabby all the time since surgery?
I am a couple days over 2 weeks post op ad I have been so crabby all the time. I am a single mother with 2 kids ages 11 & 12 and it's like I expect them to know what I want done and just do it. I don't have any patience. My daughter says that ever since I came home I have been in a bad mood. Anyone else have that problem? I'm wondering if its because I'm sick of pureed food and know I have another 2 wks to go before I can eat anything with substance. Is this normal? or is it me? I feel so bad when I get angry at my kids. — Peggy D. (posted on April 21, 2002)
April 21, 2002
I have 2 possible reasons.
I have had 3 surgery's the first 2 c-sections when my boys were born and
the last one the Weight Loss Surgery. My experience with the second
c-section was the same behavior you are describing. The final reason ended
up just plain old "tired" you body has been thru major surgery
and with children around mom's don't always take care of themselves like we
should. Although you are probably feeling better incision wise you
internals are still working overtime to fix the surgery wounds, hence easy
fatigue and easy irratiblity. My experience this time around has been
better because I sent the boys to daycare full time (even after I
"felt" good enough to handle them)
Second possiblity is withdrawl from food. I didn't have much but I have a
friend who did. You could be grieving the loss of a major comforter.
After all, if your like the largest lot of us, you've been
"medicating" with food for years. We send alcoholics and drug
addicts to 30 day programs where strangers deal with thier
"crabby" withdrawl symptoms lol. God's blessings.
— Brenda F.
April 21, 2002
Peggy, sit your kids down and explain to them that you don't mean to be so
moody, but that you really need them to step up to the plate and take on
some responsibility for the next couple months until your body heals.
Then, don't worry about all the fluff stuff. As long as the house is
decent looking, laundry is done, trash is taken out, etc. let the little
things go. Concentrate on taking care of yourself and KNOW that things are
gonna get better. As you start losing the weight and feeling better, your
attitude and moods will change. This is a temporary phase you're going
thru. I'm 5 months post op, down 75 lbs. and am feeling so much better.
Explain to the kids that eventually you will be able to do so much more
with them. Then think long-term, like their graduations. You will be so
healthy, and down so many sizes. Keep your eyes on the big prize. What
you're going thru now will not last. Don't be too hard on the kids.
— blank first name B.
April 21, 2002
At the risk of having a flame attack, I'm going to take a different
approach here. Of course you do not feel your best , you just had major
surgery. You are the adult here. YOU made the decision to have this surgery
, not your children. It is your responsibility to give your children a
peaceful loving environment just as you did pre op. Develope some
patience , don't take your bad mood out on your kids and expect them to
understand why , they are kids. You can go slow and easy on yourself and
your chores while you recover but don't expect them to change or understand
while you take your crabbyness out on them . How would you feel in there
place? MOM???
— Rose A.
April 21, 2002
Rose: I don't think the kids are too young to have some responsibility for
their mother's well being. This is how they learn how to be caring adults.
Two weeks post op is too soon to lay a guilt trip on one of our sisters.
— faybay
April 21, 2002
Many people feel really lousy until about the 6th week. When we feel lousy,
we tend to act crabby. Your body has just been through a severe shock! The
fact that you recognize that you are being a crab is a good thing. I have a
few suggestions, maybe they will help. - 1. Kids of 11 and 12 are not going
to notice what needs doing. Their idea of essential work and cleanliness is
way different than yours :). Perhaps you can make a list each morning of
what needs to be done that day and then sit down together and divide it up.
Remember that it is good for your children's character to work and to do a
bit extra when there is a need. However, also keep in mind that they are
just kids and keep your expectations reasonable.(Don't forget to praise
them when its done) 2.If you can swing it financially, just concern
yourself with the basics(dishes, laundry)during the week and hire someone
to give the house a good cleaning once a week. If you have to you could
even let it go for a while and save up for one deep cleaning when it gets
unbearable. I have a chronic illness and in order to work part time at the
job I love, I have to hire someone to clean my house. I use High-School
girls. They work cheap and if you give detailed instructions they usually
do good work. One suggestion though is to pay them by the job, not by the
hour as they can be unfocussed and slow sometimes. If you don't know any
reliable teen girls I would suggest calling a local church and asking to
speak to the teen director and get some names and numbers. 2. Make sure
that your kids understand that you are acting this way as a result of your
surgery. Make it clear that you are not really angry and they aren't doing
anything wrong. Perhaps you can make some exciting plans (amusement park,
camping trip, whatever you all enjoy) to celebrate your milestones: 25
lbs., 50lbs, 100lbs etc. 3. Finally, don't beat yourself up! Being a single
mom is tough and recovering from surgery is tough! If you blow it and lose
your cool, appologize, give them as big a hug as your healing body can
manage, remind everyone that this situation is temporary and then carry on
bravely. Best wishes... and hang in there, you will be amazed at how much
better you feel in just a few more weeks.
— Bobbie B.
April 22, 2002
Hi...Thought I'd give you an older perspective. I am 51, 2.5 wks post op
with a 9.9 year old granddaughter whom we are raising. I too have had mood
swings even though I am post menopausal. So I know how that feels. What
has helped me with Katie is talking to her a lot. I talked before and
after surgery with Katie about what to expect esp. the moods and what I
could and couldn't do. But being realistic is important too and knowing
the capabilities of children to remember tasks. So we have a list on the
fridge of her responsibilities and I make them realistic: feeding animals,
making bed, picking up clothes, personal care, picking up toys &
things, etc. She also is a help in fetching things. Your children are at
a good age esp being a single Mom to be given some tasks. Of course doing
it because you need help is important but rewards or carrots at the end is
an incentive too. My Katie loves roller coasters and so do I but being MO,
its been a while since I fit in on and could ride with her...that is our
mutual reward this summer. She also is enjoying watching me lose though
its still early. She is my champion when something gets baggy and when I
look at something I want to fit into. So really talking to them
individually would be good. So many Docs have different protocols. Ours
has us on food starting Day 3 in small amounts. You might ask if it is ok
for you to start some foods such as ground chicken, fish, potato, carrots,
etc. I bought a baby food grinder which is a godsend for meats. I make
low fat gravies to moisten them. I am just now starting to feel more human
and my crabbiness is declining more now that I'm moving around more, eating
different things and becoming more functional. Activity too will greatly
aid your mood! So when down, move around, go for a walk -- with your kids
even. You'll be surprised how it helps! You've taken on a great and
important undertaking with his surgery -- a courageous step....so now its
time to begin living it. My best to you!
— AJC750
April 22, 2002
Hi. I'm 5 days post op. I went to several support group meetings before my
surgery and found out that this is very common. I have actually yelled at
my 4 boys for doing things that normally would have just taken a warning
from me to clear up. One man in our support group meetings brought his wife
along with him and she said that it was like he was pms ing since he got
home. He was a real bear. This is normal. Goes away with time and adjusting
to your new life.
— Jennifer F.
April 22, 2002
Rose - Are you a single mother? Do you know any single mothers? Single
mothers are often stretched to their limits even without having gone
through major surgery! Sometimes however, we try to "make it up to our
children" in a way, coming from a single parent family...we coddle
them a bit more, we hold them a bit closer to us, we let guilt take over
too often. We actually do them a disservice when we do this because it
doesn't instill any independence or compassion in them. From my own
experience, I would say that the kids DO need to learn to be compassionate,
loving and supportive of their mother, whether she had surgery or not. I
always took extra special care of my son when he was sick, that way, even
at the age of 9 or 10, he knew that his mom needed him to do the same for
her. Certainly kids won't take it to the level we do, cleaning the house,
etc. But there's no reason they can't help mom out during this difficult
time. It will make them better people in the long run. They will learn a
valuable lesson in being part of a loving family where people look out for
one another. The kids are old enough for you to explain all of this to
them, to let them know the anger or irritability comes from physical
discomfort and weariness. The sooner you get some tender loving care, the
sooner you'll feel more like your old self again. Good Luck and God Bless -
Anna
— Anna L.
April 22, 2002
Hi there, If you sit your kids down and explain to them what you are going
through and to have patience while you are trying to recover. I did this
with my daughters who are 8 and 11 years old. Dinner was the hardest hurdle
for us because these two fussed with each other at the table!! It would put
my stomach into knots and I couldn't eat dinner with them!!! So you know
what I did to them??? After explaining countless times to them to be quiet
and calm at the dinner table, I told them the next time they act up at
dinner and my food gets stuck , they are going into the bathroom to watch
their mommy throw up!! After one bathroom performace they were soooo scare
and concern for me that they are on their best behavior for now on.
Sometimes kids have to see things for themselves in order to believe you!!!
Good Luck to you on your journey!!!!
— Laura G.
April 22, 2002
Rose: You were quite harsh don't you think? Walk a couple days in my
shoes before you are so quick to judge.
— Peggy D.
April 22, 2002
Hi Peggy, first let me congratulate on taking responsibility for your
health so you can have a better life and your kids. Second, remember you
have had major surgery and anesthesia. Anesthesia hangs around for awhile
in our fat cells and can make us feel "horomonal". Third, cut
yourself some slack. Preop I worked seven days a week for 4 yrs. I gave up
on my house years ago. When I had the occasional off day I wasn't about to
spend it cleaning when I could spend time w/my husband and kids. Fourth,
now that I'm four months post op I am so enthralled w/how I feel each day
that even though I am off 3 days a week I'm still not about to spend that
time doing housework, I've already missed so much due to my weight, I am
enjoying LIFE. You will be soon too. Hang in there!!!
— jsuggs
April 22, 2002
Peggy, kids are so wonderful and they understand and can handle things much
better than we give them credit for. If a 9 year old girl can explain to
someone else out of your earshot that you're acting out of sorts because
your blood sugar is too low and you'll be fine after you eat then there IS
hope for all our kids. It not only shows understanding but also
compassion. Your children are older still than her. Plus they can look
forward to it not being to norm. Its impossible to be chipper 24/7 when
you feel lousy. If you haven't, really sit down and explain things to
them. And remember there isn't anything wrong with saying "I'm
sorry" with a hug if you're out of line, overly harsh, or overly
grumpy with them. I hope you feel better soon.
— Shelly S.
April 23, 2002
Hi. I don't have any advice, just a thank you for asking this question
(which I was going to ask myself). I am almost three weeks out and have
notice that I have become a total B**** since surgery (ie, more than my
usual double Scorpio self.) I imagine it's a combination of things, but am
glad to know I'm not alone! Good luck with your kids...
— rebeccamayhew
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