Question:
I'm tired of hearing about diets to try, what do I say?

I am so tired of people telling me about diets to try. I hear it from people at work all the time. Today I wanted to blert out "why should I try weight watchers? Do you think I'm not loosing fast enough now?" but I didn't I just said how happy I was for her neighbor who'd joined and has now lost 20 lbs. I know people mean well, but why talk to me about diets to try, when what I'm doing is obviously working? I am also at a loss as to what to say when about 3 different ladies at my work constantly ask, "how much have you lost now?" I've been saying "I think 20 or 25 lbs" for about a month now. There is no way I'm going to tell them the real amount. Are they so blind that they can't see I am not telling them the amount? I hate to be rude to people, but I was almost there today. Please help tell me what to say! Thanks, Becky    — blank first name B. (posted on March 13, 2002)

March 13, 2002
My first instinct would be to say somthing really rude and tell them to mind their own buisness, but you still have to work with these people so that wouldnt work,i would never tell them anything personal that made me uncomfortable, you might try saying, i am losing steady, i just dont like talking about it, they should leave you alone if you say this enough.
   — rebecca N.

March 13, 2002
Hi, Becky, I know exactly where you're coming from. I don't know why other people think that a fat person's body is somehow public property, and it's perfectly appropriate to offer comments, criticism, ask highly personal questions, etc. As you say, they do mean well, but it can be hard to take. When people ask if I've lost weight, I just smile and say, "Yes," and leave it at that. If they want to know how or what diet I used, I just say, "I'm just watching what I eat," which is perfectly true. I *am* watching what I eat. I watch it as I put it on my fork, as I lift it to my mouth, as I pop it in, LOL. I have told some people about the surgery, as I don't think it's anything to be ashamed of, but I choose my confidants well, since some people have very strange prejudices about this kind of surgery. For instance, a larger lady at the gym where I work out has been amazed at how much I've lost in the time we've both been there, and I wanted to reassure her that she's not losing slower than I am because of anything about her, so I told her about the surgery. She asks intelligent questions, but I don't get the feeling that she's really prying or anything, so I don't mind talking with her about it. One possibility for dealing with those rude, persistent people who just will not let you be is, "I'm really sorry, it's a painful topic for me. Do you mind if we drop it?" You can accompany this with a sad look...that should stop all but the most insistent yentas dead in their tracks! LOL
   — Karen I.

March 13, 2002
Remember that your co-workers mean well, but be firm in your replies and always put the attention back on them. For example, when asked,"How much have you lost now?" say "I'm not sure, but you look like you've lost some weight! What are YOU doing?" When told, "You know, I have a friend who went to Weight Watchers and has lost 50 lbs.!" say, "How great for her! I hope she has continuing success. I hear that's a great program." When told by someone who hasn't seen you in a while, "Wow!!! You look amazing!!!!" with the same enthusiasm, say, "So do you!!! Wow!!! How are you doing these days???" By focusing attention back on the people who make comments about your weight loss, you are taking away their power. Does that make sense? You are taking away their power to judge you, advise you, etc. Also, everybody likes it when the topic of conversation shifts onto them. Everybody likes the limelight!
   — Terissa R.

March 13, 2002
Sounds like you didnt tell them you had surgery? Well what do you expect NO ONE EVER looses this much weight this fast and keeps it off. They are just curious as to how your doing it. Why hide the number? BE PROUD of your accomplishment! They KNEW you were MO, and soon they will see you skinny. Theres NO WAY to hide this change. Better to come clean and learn to live with the attenion. Look you COULD SAVE ANOTHER MO LIFE. They could tell someone who could really use the info! Please help our brothers and sisters learn about the solution.
   — bob-haller

March 14, 2002
Well, I am one of those "closet" WLS'ers. Unlike Bob's response, I don't feel responsible for everyone else's health. I have been asked numerous times "how much weight have you lost?" My answer is "a lot" and then I smile. No one has asked a follow up question and asked specifically for the number. Somehow, I feel that if I tell them the actual number, they will then realize how big I actually was. (like they didn't know that already!!LOL) I agree, if you don't want to be given the 3rd degree all of the time, quickly change the focus or the subject. Take a compliment with "thanks" and then say something back to them. Don't be made to feel guilty if you are not shouting this from the rooftops. Staying private is best for some of us. I cheer for those that ARE rooftop shouters!! Shelley
   — Shelley.

March 14, 2002
Thank you for your great ideas! Thanks, Shelley! I feel much like you do, I have no intention of telling my co-workers where over 200 lbs I was! and I have no intention of telling them I just made it under 200 lbs! I know that no one in the real world looses weight this fast, but unless I tell them the amount and the number of weeks, my co workers have no idea and won't make any assumptions. I also am very causious in talking to people about surgery because each obese person got obese in different ways. I do not know if what was great for me just might hurt another person. Thanks again for the great ideas! Becky
   — blank first name B.

March 14, 2002
When they ask "How much weight have you lost" - you can always say "Not enough yet - I'm still working on it everyday is a challenge"
   — J. B.

March 14, 2002
I am a roof top shouter...most of the people I know have been told about my surgery. Some at work obviously havent. One woman in particular was driving me crazy..Its been 6 mo and I'm down 120 lbs. She just kept yammering away..what are you doing..how much have you lost and the most stupid thing..do you have aids or something. I finally got fed up and told her no I dont have aids I have colon cancer. When she freaked and got all quiet I told her she deserved it that I did not have colon cancer but that I really didn't see that it was any of her business and to kindly leave me alone. She left in a huff but she has not said a word about weight loss to me since. Maybe not the best way to handle it but for those who dont take a hint or are very insisnitive it works wonders. :)
   — Jennifer H.