Question:
Why is he angry after my surgery ?
Since my surgery, on 1-18-02, my husband has been acting as if he is angry with me. He finds falt with almost everything I do. I try to ask him whats wrong, and he responds with, ''I guess you shouldn't have left to go have the surgery''Prior to this he was very supportive.He encouraged me to have this surgery.Help ! please E-Mail me at [email protected] — Sherry S. (posted on February 14, 2002)
February 14, 2002
Sorry to hear that your husband has a negative attitude especially when you
need him most. Have you lost a significant amount of weight that he is
feeling insecure right now? Try talking to him and expressing to him how
much it urts you he is acting this way try to find out if you haven't tried
yet. Good luck hope things changes quickly you don't need the stress.....
— Michelle G.
February 14, 2002
Sherry, i am sorry your husband is acting this way. Insecurities are very
hard to overcome. it is always possible that now he sees you are actually
losing the weight, he is afraid of what may happen or change within your
relationship. Try and reassure him it won't change, let him know how you
feel and how his actions are hurting you. Let him know (again) the reasons
you chose to have this surgery. I hope it works for you!! {{{hugs}}}trina
— Katrina M.
February 14, 2002
I think I would have to agree with the others. Maybe he is insecure. Or
maybe he feels he has too much to do with you not at 100% yet and he's
overwhelmed (as women, we know all about that!) I know my mom with with me
and she really helped at first, but when she went home and it was just he
and I again, he got flustered with all the housework and cooking and
shopping plus dealing with me not feeling good.
Be patient and understanding, you may need to dig a little deeper into his
feelings. Remember though, you deserved the surgery and he agreed to it,
so you two can work it out!
Lots of hugs!
— Karen W.
February 14, 2002
Sherry, there are any number of reasons why your husband has developed a
negative attitude. The reasons cited by the other members or possibly
because he suddenly realized he might have lost you during surgery, felt
the pain and cannot figure out how to deal with it. Has he always been
nitpicky but you never really noticed because you were doing for him all
the time? Some men need to be catered to and when the caterer isn't able
to do her job these men become petulant. This may or may not be the case
but IMO it might be time to consider a few professional counseling
sessions. Although he may not wish to discuss his feelings with you, he
may divulge them to a psychologist. You can explain your feelings to the
psychologist in private. Then the three of you can talk, with the
psychologist acting as moderator. Just keep the lines of communication
open and know that YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY AND HEALTHY! Be well, take
care...:)
— Lynn E.
February 14, 2002
Sherry, there are any number of reasons why your husband has developed a
negative attitude. The reasons cited by the other members or possibly
because he suddenly realized he might have lost you during surgery, felt
the pain and cannot figure out how to deal with it. Has he always been
nitpicky but you never really noticed because you were doing for him all
the time? Some men need to be catered to and when the caterer isn't able
to do her job these men become petulant. This may or may not be the case
but IMO it might be time to consider a few professional counseling
sessions. Although he may not wish to discuss his feelings with you, he
may divulge them to a psychologist. You can explain your feelings to the
psychologist in private. Then the three of you can talk, with the
psychologist acting as moderator. Just keep the lines of communication
open and know that YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY AND HEALTHY! Be well, take
care...:)
— Lynn E.
February 14, 2002
Sherry, there are any number of reasons why your husband has developed a
negative attitude. The reasons cited by the other members or possibly
because he suddenly realized he might have lost you during surgery, felt
the pain and cannot figure out how to deal with it. Has he always been
nitpicky but you never really noticed because you were doing for him all
the time? Some men need to be catered to and when the caterer isn't able
to do her job these men become petulant. This may or may not be the case
but IMO it might be time to consider a few professional counseling
sessions. Although he may not wish to discuss his feelings with you, he
may divulge them to a psychologist. You can explain your feelings to the
psychologist in private. Then the three of you can talk, with the
psychologist acting as moderator. Just keep the lines of communication
open and know that YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY AND HEALTHY! Be well, take
care...:)
— Lynn E.
February 14, 2002
Well, DUH! DARN this server! 3 reposts is a bit much! Sorry! :(
— Lynn E.
February 14, 2002
Men hate for their wives ever to be sicker then them in my opinion though
my husband has been good about this surgery in past I always noticed if I
had a cold or flu suddenly he has one that must be worse.
— Candace F.
February 14, 2002
Hello Sherry.....I am so sorry to hear your situation. Although I am not
married I would like to give my $0.02 worth. I think all the other
responders hot most of the possible reasons for hubby's behavior. One of
the responders said to keep the lines of communication open, I think this
is the main thing. I also think he may feel threatened, in that you may
change and not want him anymore. Do everything you can to reassure him
over and over that he is THE MAN OF YOUR DREAMS! Today is Valentine's Day,
I know this is short notice but do something special just for him today.
Good luck and God blees YOU and your family. I am praying for you. peace
— blank first name B.
February 14, 2002
Candace- I think our husbands were separated at birth?
— Karen R.
February 14, 2002
I think your husband is probably scared-
Men get scared easily and their egos ae so fragile- that he is most likely
worried that you will become more attractive to other men and leave him- so
he is turning on you instead. I encourage couples counseling to help both
of you deal with the changes in your life.
— ~~Stacie~~
February 14, 2002
Sherry, I'll just say that WLS creates a lot of changes in your
relationships. Some positive, some that don't seem so positive. Relax, and
remember that your husband went through all this too, whether he really
wanted to or not. My hubby and I have had our problems since surgery, and
we've managed to work through them.(All of AMOS could probably tell you of
mine, LOL ) Anyway, remember you're changing in a LOT of ways, and he's
having to react to those changes, whether in a good way or a bad way. I
decided that I would make no drastic decisions until I was a year out, and
now I'm almost there. I'm glad I had WLS, and I'm even happier that I have
my wonderful husband. Good luck, sweetie, and hang in there. There's a
series of books, one is called The Dance of Anger, and it talks about when
one person in a relationship changes, the other's first response is to want
them to change back. That may be what's going on. Keep focused on the
prize: your health, and a new, improved relationship with your husband!
Hugs, Donna in AL
— Donna S. C.
February 14, 2002
I have not had the surgery YET, but have had a similar incedent. I was in
a car accidnt a year ago and broke both arms and my left femur. (ouch). My
mom came to help take care of me for a week when I was able to get out of
the hospital. My husband threw sevral tantrums like a 6yr old. It took a
lot of talking to get to the bottom of his fits, but it all came down to
insecurities. he needed to know he was still needed and loved and that mom
was there as a MOM to take care of me when he was at work because I couldnt
do ANYthing by myself... (yep, even had to potty with a croud!) I love him
very much...and I know ther will be more insecurities when the time comes
that I can get the surgery! I can only try to keep the lines of
communication open and hepl him get real with himself. Just like women,
Men need reassureance too. Things will work out. =)
— Kristy W.
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