Question:
Did I really try everything? What am I doing? Terrified
Well, I just found out I have been approved today. I guess I should be happy, but I am so scared. I don't know. Maybe I didn't try everything I should have tried. Maybe this is too drastic. I am only 22- what if I can never lead a normal life afterward, have kids, live to a ripe old age? I mean, I've always been obese since I was a kid, but maybe I just never really tried hard enough. I am sooo scared. Maybe I really should wait until I get diabetes or hypertension. I mean, I don't have too many comorbidities yet. Am I crazy for doing this so soon? Someone help me- I am so confused. I should be happy, but I am just plain scared. Thanks. — Jennifer Y. (posted on December 21, 2001)
December 20, 2001
I would be more concerned about you if you were not a little scared :-)
WLS is a life-altering step which should not be taken lightly, nor without
doing adequate research on the subject. You, your parents, and your
physician(s) are the only ones who know your history of weight gains and
losses...and you are truly the only one who knows how obesity has effected
you emotionally and psychologically over the years. I think that all of us
can say that we have been successful at losing weight....many, many times.
However, the problem has been that we have been unable to maintain the
weight loss, and with each weight regain, the numbers have climbed and
climbed. I had many co-morbidities, and I believe that the surgery (lap
RNY) has quite likely saved my life. My daughter had her lap RNY at age
26, with no co-morbidities, but weighing 406 lbs. and living a very
unhappy, reclusive life. She is now 23 months post-op, newly married,
newly pregnant, only 20-25 lbs. from goal, and happier than I have seen her
since she was 12 years old. Take a deep breath, Jennifer, and weigh out
all the pros and cons. No one can, or should, make this decision for you.
As a nurse, I will say however, that it is NOT a good choice to wait until
diabetes or hypertension occur, before taking control of your life. As a
post-op, I will also say that the ONLY regret that I have had in this
journey was that I didn't have the surgery decades ago when I was still
young and healthy enough to fully appreciate the new life that I have been
given. Best wishes to you!
— Diana T.
December 20, 2001
Hey, fear keeps us from making bad mitakes. But surgery is a GOOD thing.
Get it now while your young and healthy, and then go live your life. To
hellp you feel better, attend support group meetings! Take a post op to
dinner. See how they eat small amounts of good food! That will be you.
Notice how healthy and happy they are? ALL of this helped me SO much, it
will help you too. Rad my profile it tells the story.
— bob-haller
December 21, 2001
Hi there! I'm scared too and I'm not even approved! I haven't gotten the
courage to go ahead and submit the papers to the surgeon yet... but I have
them all. I am only 20 years old and I, like you, am thinking, "What
the [expletive deleted] am I doing?". I have no co-morbids to speak
of either, but I keep trying to be practical. I keep trying to be honest
with myself and figure out whether I can actually lose the weight and keep
it off before I get diabetes or heart disease. I don't think so. If
anything I will yo-yo some more, or I will just slowly creep up the scale.
I have also always gained a lot more weight after diets so that is
frightening! I don't want to try another because it's getting harder for
my poor feet to handle all of this weight. Even my family who is against
me having surgery cannot give me suggestions on what to do. My mother
thinks the fact that people didn't keep weight off post phen/fen is a
personal failure. My dad said he thinks I consider myself a failure
because I've resorted to surgery. His suggestion was to quit school,
abandon my life, and go meditate about it. Or better yet, check myself
into a fat hospital and have them "diet" me. But I have to live
a normal life. These things are ridiculous options in my opinion. I'll be
very honest, my biggest fear in the world is death. Nothing scares me
more. Not just death from surgery, I mean death in general. I have never
had any kind of major surgery, never been put under, never even been
admitted to a hospital. But like I said, I think it comes down to being
practical. Do consider your other options and prove it to yourself that
WLS is the best decision. Just recently I posted to my surgeon's yahoo
group with my fears and I got so much support, but one person had the nerve
to say "well maybe you have one last diet in you...". That put
me in a defensive frame of mind and I convinced this person and myself that
WLS was the right thing for me. I was very appreciative of her challenging
me. Challenge yourself and be pragmatic. What are your odds of losing the
weight permanently without WLS? As for the fear of surgery, I have a
wonderful boyfriend that snaps me back into reality when I need it. The
vast majority of people make it through surgery and recover. And we are
young! We have even better odds I'd think. Whatever you decide, good
luck! :)
— [Anonymous]
December 21, 2001
Jennifer,</p>
I would do this while you're young and still remotely healthy. I'm 24 and
ended up gaining 200 lbs with 3 pregnancies the last one left me disabled
with a pinched nerve in the back because of my weight and the wieght of the
baby. I've heard many stories of ladies having babies post-op and if
you're going with Dr. Whitgrove, I'm sure you know you're getting a very
reputable surgeon. </p> I'm 24 and 14 days post op now and at least
down 23.5 lbs have a girlfriend (25) who had surgery 9 months ago down to
172 lbs from 306.. and we both know we have the rest of our lives to live
because we didn't let obesity kill us.. </p> Fear is a natural part
of this process. I agree with the poster who said I'd be more scared if
you weren't affraid.. But you have to make the decision, but I would do it
while you're young enough to "bounce back" and so you don't spend
the rest of your life wondering what if I did :)
— Elizabeth D.
December 21, 2001
Jennifer ... oh, if I could have had this surgery when I was 22, instead of
42 ... how different would my life have been? Road less travelled and all
that, but still. Please don't buy into society's idea that fat people just
don't try hard, and if they'd just stop cleaning their plate and everyone
else's plate they'd have a lot less problems. Would any of the ignorant
slobs holding that view even THINK about saying to diabetic, "You
could control your blood sugar if you'd just TRY HARDER"? Morbid
obesity is a DISEASE, not a lifestyle choice. Good Lord, would thousands
and thousands of people CHOOSE to belong to one of the two last groups it's
socially acceptable to openly discriminate against -- fat people and gays?
As for waiting for co-morbidities, why? Diabetes causes blood vessel
damage that can lead to blindness, renal failure, and amputation. High
blood pressure can drop you like a tree from a stroke or a massive heart
attack. Having this surgery is a major step, and you're perfectly normal
to be scared (as someone else said, I'd be more worried if you WEREN'T
scared), but this is a good thing. Live the rest of your life as a slender
healthy person. Be a mom who can participate in the life of her kids
instead of sitting on the sidelines watching and wishing she was at home
eating. God bless and good luck,
— Cheryl Denomy
December 21, 2001
You know, I lost weight a couple of times using diet and exercise. I became
an unbearable zealot because I was afraid that I would go right back to
being fat. And I did, eventually. I just got tired. Sure, you can lose
weight like that. I worked out 2 hours a day 6 days a week and subsisted on
a diet of 20% fat to just get to 152 pounds (I am 5'2"). And as soon
as I couldn't do that any more, I gained it all back and then some. With
this surgery I do have to follow the "rules" but they are
livable. I walk more. I TRY to workout once or twice a week. I eat high
protein. But I can live with it. And if I make a mistake (oops, I just ate
some Christmas cookies) I can't do TOO much damage 'cuz I can only eat a
couple ounces.<p>This surgery was right for me. I decided to have it
because I didn't want to GET diabetes or hypertension or cancer. I didn't
want my daughter to have the stigma of an MO mom. I want to show her the
example of eating right and staying active. I want to be able to do things
with her and not say, "Mommy's tired," when what I really mean
is, "Mommy's too fat to do that." Think about what you REALLY
want out of life. Then research the hell out of your surgeon and make sure
he/she is experienced in the type of surgery you will have. Most people who
have problems with the surgery already have health problems. That was a
sign to me to do it while I am still healthy.
— ctyst
December 21, 2001
Oh my God! You sound just like me. I am 27 years old and my surgery is on
the 19th of January (very close) and I said these exact same things to
myself that you said here. I am sooooo afraid! I even decided that I was
going to back out at one point. I made a list of really scary questions for
my doctor about the surgery regarding things I have heard or read. I told
myself that if he would not answer them to my satisfactions I was going to
tell him forget it. I was even hoping that he would tell me that he did
have time to answer them so that, that could be my excuse.
Well he sat with me and answered ever question explained everything to me
and was so nice and really made me feel so much better. He help me realize
what my life would be like without this surgery. He also helped me to see
what kind of life I am living now. Talk to your doctor. Tell him all your
fears. He can help put your mind at easy. Don't get me wrong I am really
still very nervious and scared, but I know I am in good hands and that
ulitmately I am doing what is right for me not anyone else but me. Good
Luck and I know you will find your way too.
— Nicole F.
December 21, 2001
I, too, am/was so scared especially after talking with my Rheumotologist
about having the surgery - he knows I suffer with anxiety and he tried to
scare me to death. Well, I made a list of all the things I want to do
hopefully before I die, things like being able to cross my legs, have good
personal hygiene, sit in a movie seat comfortably, etc., and to me, it
is/was worth the risk. Now one week post-op and I feel better than I did
months before the surgery. P.S. I have decided to get a "jump"
on the weight-loss and loose that 200 lb. Rheumotologist, know what I mean?
— Aleene K.
December 24, 2001
Do not let fear get in the way of your health. \"The only thing we
have to fear is fear itself\". Living a life based on fear is NOT
living. You deserve to have your health. I was scared too but was MORE
afraid of what my life would become without surgery. Your fear is of the
unknown. I have no regrets about my surgery and had no complications. I
am down 100 lbs. in a year and my health is DRASTICALLY improved! Go for
it!!
— Lisa B.
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