Question:
Please don't blow me out of the water for this one
I am not The Grinch, so please don't think I'm some sort of mean anti- social type person. Do some of you ever get tired of the comments about your weight loss? I'm not talking about the people who are seeing you for the first time since surgery. I'm talking about those who see you on a daily basis. Now, some people at work talk to me everyday about my weight loss and the surgery. I want to scream, "Give It A Rest." I feel like a normal person and I hardly ever think of my WLS anymore. They approach me with questions like, "How do you feel or are you having any complications?" I was out with oral surgery for one day, so when I came back to work on that Monday I was still swollen and under the effects of the surgery, so they felt something had went wrong concerning my WLS. How can I re-direct them to other aspects of my life? I've lost almost 100 pounds, but my appearances should not be shocking to those who see me everyday. — Tammy W. (posted on December 7, 2001)
December 7, 2001
I'm going through the same thing only I didn't tell anyone I had surgery.
I feel guilty sometimes that I didn't tell everyone asks what diet I'm on
and how'd I do it. All I can offer is understanding sorry.
— Laura R.
December 7, 2001
Oh my Goodness do I understand. I have gotten so tired of the "You
look great." comments. I told a MO friend that it is kind of
uncomfortable to be constantly commented on about how you look by everyone.
Then of course my favorite question is how much have you lost? NONE OF YOUR
BUSINESS!!! I hate that question. I am so eternally grateful for this
surgery and that it has worked, and I thought that I would be more pleased
with the attention. But it is almost like going from being stared at by
strangers for being so big to being stared at by friends and co-workers for
being smaller. I do have more value than my looks. I did before surgery and
I certainly do now. It is so different than I imagined. But there are worse
problems to have. Like and extra 150 lbs on my bones.
Anyone reading this, that is waiting for surgery, will probably think I am
crazy, but I am just being honest.
— Sue B.
December 7, 2001
If these are the people you see every day, you should be able to be honest
with them. See if you can find a way to make a joke about it. Let them know
you appreciate their interest, but the point of the surgery was to get on
with your life and that talking about it all the time keeps you tied to it.
They probably just care about you - and want to keep you encouraged. It is
crazy making, I know - the people I see absolutely every day don't bring it
up, but other people will take my hand, or put a hand on my shoulder, and
say "How ARE you?" like I am near death. You weren't your weight,
you aren't your recovery, and they just need to hear that from you. But
nicely!!!! Congratulations on being a "big loser" and good luck.
— mskarns
December 7, 2001
I just wanted to post that I definitely do not have that problem. I'm down
to 195lbs from 249 and NO ONE ever says anything. It seems like when we
around people that I haven't seen in a while they'll ask about the surgery
and my husband feels the need to CONSTANTLY ask "How much have you
lost now?" as if he doesn't know. It feels very surreal because I
notice it and my husband notices it, but I feel like no one else does. I
get the occasional comment from family but it almost seems like it's
because they feel like they should. I just wanted to let you know that
people are proud of you and I wish I had a bit of your problem! :) Merry
Christmas and Happy Holidays!!
— Amy E.
December 7, 2001
I got so tired of the constant (but very well-meaning) questions that I now
post my pounds lost, inches lost, and week post-op number on the corner of
the white board on my office door in small letters. Fewer people ask now.
:-) Obviously, I am very open about what I had done and have the support of
one person who had WLS before me and another who's having his in Feb next
year in my group.
— Julia M.
December 7, 2001
In the same vein, not to be mean, either, OK? But from my own experience,
my guess is that their curiousity is not really about "you". You
are their "test case". So, they can tell their
mom/husband/child/best friend if it works or not, if the person is sick, or
whatever. People find us FASCINATING and some seem to enjoy my success as
much or more than I do! LOL! I usually figure they are
"pumping" me for info for themselves or someone else. I will say
I met a man in 1986 with an early model surgery. He was not WILDLY
successful, but he still had lost 130#. I was going through one of my
"dieted-thin" periods, so my question to him for the next EIGHT
YEARS was, "Would you do it again?" And you know, I ended up
using his same doc, but got a different procedure. So, what I'm saying is
that people are often gathering data for themselves even more than nosing
into your biz. I hope I was able to say what I meant!
— vitalady
December 7, 2001
TAMMY, POLITELY TELL THEM THAT YOU NO LONGER WISH TO DISCUSS YOUR WLS
SURGERY. OFFER THEM THE WEBSITES YOU MOST FREQUENT RE: WLS. TELL THEM
THEY CAN FIND THE ANSWERS TO ALL THEIR QUESTIONS THERE, BUT THAT YOUR LIFE
IS YOUR OWN AND IT IS PRIVATE AND NO LONGER OPEN FOR DISCUSSION.
— Marie D.
December 7, 2001
I saw one of the Moms in my youngest daughter's preschool class today whom
I haven't seen for several weeks since she changed jobs and our schedules
have put us on different drop-off and pick-up times. She commented on how
great I was looking. Then she said, "I bet you get tired of hearing
that." Honestly? I don't. It serves me as a reminder of how far
I've come and keeps me appreciating the second chance at life I've been
given. I've been a "roof-topper", one who has been brutally open
honest about what I've done to accomplish my weight loss, and every
complication and accomplishment I've had. I don't think I'll ever tire of
it, as normal and regular as I have felt for many months. Those who never
knew me don't judge me, and those who do have pride and joy for what I have
done for myself and my family. Sure, there are those who are envious and
jealous, but those are the ones you realize were not as sincere in their
relationship with you as they made themselves out to
be.<br><br>The ironic thing is, she is beautiful, model-thin,
and wears the height of fashion in clothing and hairstyles. Her insides
are just as beautiful as her outsides, because she has always thought of me
as a worthy and beautiful person, whether I was 355 or 188. If only the
rest of the world could be like her.
— [Deactivated Member]
December 7, 2001
Gosh..I cant wait until people notice and start asking questions, telling
me how great I look..thats a dream for me. I have for so many years felt
inadaquite and small that finally after 13 years people will look at me as
worthy of their time. I know that sounds like I have issues but I really
dont. Have you ever noticed how we (Obese People) are always the funny
ones, or the ones that everybody feels that they can vent their problems
too because they think "What the Hell, they have no life"? It
will be nice to not have to be the "Life of the Party" all the
time because Im looked at as that being my ONLY good quality. It will also
be nice to be the Pretty one instead of the Funny one for a change.
— [Anonymous]
December 10, 2001
I know exactly how you feel. I don't mind the "geeh you look great
comments" but I don't want to constantly talk about my surgery. I
finally had enough one day and blew up at my Mother. She constantly tells
people that I have had the surgery and that I have to watch what I eat blah
blah blah. I had to tell her that I don't want people watching me or
commenting on my eating behavior and that this was precisely why I didn't
tell anyone I was having surgery. Thanks to Mom, my whole family knows
now, plus all of her friends. I don't want a daily update of what I have
vomitted, my bowel problems or if I ate sugar. I just want to be normal.
SO I would say tell them you don't want to talk about it anymore. I'm glad
they are excited, curious, happy or whatever reasons they have for asking
you but you have a right to some privacy.
— Elizabeth A.
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