Question:
Anyone have friends that refuse to support WLS?
I have a friend that came right out and said that she doesn't support my decision for WLS, nor does she want to know anything about it or why I want it. She believes that I can just lose weight like she did. She often makes comments about what I eat and whether I'm getting enough exercise. She wants me to do the same things physically that she does. I can't help but feel resentful and it causes me to feel like she really isn't my friend because I can't even talk to her about what I've been going through or what this process entails. — [Anonymous] (posted on October 21, 2001)
October 21, 2001
I know exactly how you feel. I have had several friends who have said
similar things to me. I am just starting to meet with the surgean but I am
determined to be healty. With or without them. They do not know what I
have been trough or how I feel inside. Don't let them deter you in your
own decision. Its your life and if your friends are true they will support
you.
— Britt W.
October 21, 2001
Hi: I have 2 co-workers that I have worked with for 12 years and we are
all very close both at and away from work. When I first started my
approval process they jokeingly said that they didn't think that I needed
the surgery and told me to do the diet and exercise thing...YEA RIGHT!!!
LIKE THAT IS GONNA WORK AT THE POINT I GOT TO...Then after my approval and
surgery date, the snide comments started and the "I think you are
STUPID" for having this surgery"...I took it for a few weeks, and
then finally on one of my "PMS" days told them rather rudely that
if they didn't support my decision, to keep their comments to
themselves...and if I heard one more negative comment out of their mouths,
I would take 6 months off of work to recouperate and they would have to do
my work...As they all sat there with their mouths agape, that ended that
conversation right there. I didn't care if they agreed with my decision,
it was MY DECISION.....Now at 10 weeks post op, they can't believe how good
I look...From a size 26 to a size 12.....p.s. one of my friends that dished
out the most negative comments is at least #150 overweight...she shouldn't
throw stones.....(lol) WHO CARES WHAT SOMEONE ELSE THINKS :)
— Joi G.
October 21, 2001
My best friend and college roomate is adamant that I have done the most
irresponsible thing to myself. Her hubby is a physician's assistant in a
cancer center and also believes I am nuts. They are 75# and 200#
overweight, respectively. Each of them has struggled with weight since
college. I am now less than 100# from my goal, a weight they have NEVER
seen me at: by the time I get to see them next, i will be at goal. I am
healthy, happy, and really enjoying my life. To heck with them!
— Elaine P.
October 21, 2001
Sorry, but they are jealous & envious & po'd that YOU are going to
do it and they aren't. I have friends that are quite pissy about the whole
thing. Like saying they're not going to like me when I get skinny. I know
they're joking, but if they only knew how it makes me feel. I just want to
tell them "well, I'll miss you!" When I told my daughter (who is
also very overweight) that I was going to do this, the first thing out of
her mouth was "OH, YOU'RE JUST TAKING THE EASY WAY OUT!" Well,
it isn't THAT easy. My very most favorite foods I'll never get to eat again
in the quantity I like to eat them and a whole bunch of other things that
aren't that easy. She has finally come around to supporting me.
JOI...YOU ARE FUNNY! WHAT A FANTASTIC COMEBACK TO YOUR FRIEND/CO-WORKER. I
HAD TO LAUGH OUT LOUD, BUT I AGREE WITH YOU!
— Betty Todd
October 21, 2001
I do public speaking and one of the best parts is that often the people who
come to hear me speak teach me some terrific things. One of the best I've
learned is: "What you think of me is none of my business". Just
keep that in mind and try to find some one - or two - who will support you.
Best of luck, Nancy.
— Nancy Z.
October 21, 2001
I am pre-op and I have a friend (actually my best friend) who let me know
the first time I told her about my decision to have WLS, that she felt I
was making a bad decision to do this and that she felt that she could not
support me in this. Fine. She is still my best friend and we discuss many
things, BUT I don't discuss anything about WLS to her, just to the friends
who support me in this area.
— Kathi C.
October 21, 2001
My two closest friends reacted the same way this summer. hey were adamantly
against wls and very vocal about it. In turn, I kept my decision private. I
told them they were right, I went away for a "fake" weekend at a
weight loss spa. I came back and pretended to take their advice on losing
weight. They have no idea what weight I started at, so they don realize I
have lost almost 90 pounds. They think its like 40 or so. Some days I want
to tell them just to prove to them that they were wrong about surgery, but
I dont. They actually think that they are the ones that helped motivate me
to diet. Funny, the smaller I get, the more they diet and now I weigh about
the same as them. Wait til I get smaller! My situation is extreme, but
thats what happened to me. Courtney. Start weight on July 23-370, Present
weight: 286.
— Courtney W.
October 21, 2001
Well, like the others I too have unsuportive friends. They along with one
of my doctors said "You're not that big" I actually hide my
weight pretty well. I am currently 250lbs 5'6" and wear a size 18/20.
At 200 (my lowest since middle school) I wore a 14/16. What they dont
realize is I yoyo between 220 and 260 on a regular basis. Which is worse
that just being a stable big weight. My back always hurts and I have pretty
teeny boobies so theyre not it. My knees and feet are always killing me, I
have really high colesterol, my triglycerides are like 770 ok. And then to
have them tell me your not that big or just eat less or its not medically
nessesary, poop on them! So I just dont bring it up anymore. I also have
chosen not to tell my in laws or brother, all very opinionated. I have my
fellow chub club friends and handsom hubby to back me up. Thats all I need.
As long as you have someone in your corner you will be fine. And as much as
you may want to sing it or shout it to the world if you know someone may be
strongly opinionated dont say anything. You dont need slack right now. You
need kudos! Kisses, Briana
— Briana A.
October 23, 2001
So, don't talk to her about wls. Who knows what she's really
feeling. Maybe she's afraid that you'll be thinner than she is...
maybe she's afraid for you....perhaps your decision to have wls makes
her feel like a coward. Like marriages, friendships have their ups and
downs. This is a down period. If you value it, put things on
"hold" for
a while. Proceed with your plans; but, don't discuss them with your
friend
and accept that can't support you in this. At this point you really do
need
to surround yourself with positive, caring and supportive people.
Hopefully,
next year, after you've lost weight the two of you can reconnect.
— [Anonymous]
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