Am I unconsciously Sabotaging WLS

I feel like I'm sabotaging my upcoming surgery and I don't know why or how to stop. I stopped smoking which was a requirement of my surgeon in order to have the surgery and in the process gained 12 pounds. My doctor told me I have to go on a liquid diet to drop 20 lbs before my surgery(lap RNY)and what did I do,went to work and ate carbs!! I feel like I cannot stop eating sugar and I'm scared. I've been wanting to have the procedure done for 4 years and now that my date is right around the corner I'm screwing up. Part of me is excited about getting out of this "fat suit" yet the other part is terrified of not being able to "eat". I don't know what to do!!!

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