I'm very depressed...

I feel really bad tonite - I'm so fat, I can hardly move around for more than 5 or 10 minutes at a time without my chest hurting and having to gasp for air. I have an appointment to see a surgeon in December about having WLS, but sometimes I've been finding myself dwelling on the ideas that I'm just not going to live long enough to do it. The other day, I was talking to a friend who is disabled. She is on government disability because she's so overweight. The more she spoke, the sadder I got.. I realized that I would be classified as disabled by the government. I don't understand how this happened to me. I look in the mirror and I don't recognize the person staring back at me anymore. I'm afraid all of the time - both afraid of living and of dying. I guess the biggest fear that I have of dying is that I'm so heavy, that there won't be a casket large enough to bury me in or that they won't be able to lift the casket. Sometimes I think that's the only think that keeps me from committing suicide - thinking there won't be a casket large enough. Everyone in my family except for my husband is totally against WLS.... they make up stories about "people I know" who "had the surgery" and try to scare me by saying such and such is in a coma now, or such and such died from it - that surgeon has lost so many patients on the table.. none of which are true. I sometimes wonder if maybe they just don't want me to have the surgery because they can't imagine me any other way than this way. Does anyone else have this problem out of their family? I'm so afraid that time is running out for me. I'm a 29 year old woman, trapped in a body that is so tired from this mountain of fat that it feels like I'm a 100. How do you all get through each day? Tell me how to do it.

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