How do I get started with a exclusion

I need to correspond with someone who has recently been successful in getting approval for their surgery even though their insurance through their job had a weight loss exclusion. What is the first thing that I do to get started? I wrote the company (Aetna) themselves and of course they advised I can't get around the exclusion. Is that considered my first denial? Or should I go to a seminar and choose a doctor and then go through that doctor? I have no idea how to get started and some of the people I have emailed a few times have not gotten back with me and I don't want to bug anybody, but I don't know what to do. I am interested in having the lap band surgery rather than the gastric bypass. So if anyone has the time and patience, please e-mail me. Thanks.

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