When to tell about the size 28 skin/size 14 body mismatch, before plastic surgery??

Okay, ladies and gents...I know all the psych standard phrases such as love thyself, and trust that if they really love you, too, the saggy skin will not matter. I know the stuff about building self-esteem, etc. I agree in some ways. Yet in other ways, I think it's the same BS we got when we were fat, about how and why to love/accept our fat bodies, while simultaneously being told to shrink them. That is what is known in psychology as a double-bind, in regular terms a catch-22". NOT FAIR or realistic. The fact is, saggy skin is no more lovely in our culture than a third eye or scaly skin might be..and others will love us in spite of it, not because of it. (Though, if they are the right ones, they might admire such signs in that they are our battle scars/badges of courage and the will to be happy!) I am in no hurry to be in love, for I've got lots to think about and do during this cycle of change. I knew there would be more attention and some advances, and frankly, I am not interested...still a little mad, even, that there was no interest pre-op from these same characters. And none of them interested ME before, so they still don't now. But there is someone new, and the interest is mutual. Bad timing! I look great and feel confident in my new size 14 clothes, with 49lbs to go, but am wrinkled and saggy like an old woman under them. I CAN'T WEAR SHORT SLEEVES, EVEN, WITHOUT MY SKIN SPLLING OUT THE BOTTOM LIKE MELTING WAX! I want plastic surgery when I've lost 29 or so more lbs, but not before then. And in any case, I won't be able to get it all done at once, by any means....the most expensive (and almost always self-pay) part is the thighs, and I need that almost the worst (oddly, because my legs never got huge.) Sooo, help! What do you say to yourself while waiting for the right time to tell? What do you do if, lke me, you don't WANT to have sex until you are more normal-looking? I don't want my first lovemaking after several years of comfortable celibacy to be tainted always with the memory of sadness and anxiety about my body. Too much like the days when at 20lbs overweight, I felt like a whale! (Of course, I'd feel gorgeous in that body now.I have come a good ways in self-acceptance.) The power imbalance in being accepted in spite of something physically unappealing wouldn't feel very comfortable or aid sexual pleasure, either, nor the feeling of having to explain in advance to avoid shocking my mate. Even if it WAS real love and the acceptance was there. I'm tired of feeling like I need special acceptance--I want to be just normal! Has anyone else met someone, then chosen to wait for total nudity/sex until after at least some plastic surgery? If so, what did you say? Other advice on coping also welcome...excepting the "love thyself and all else will follow" schtick--I could write that myself. And yes, I'm working on it. I'm looking for HOW to deal practically with the scary feelings and the inconvenient timing. Should I just pass tis one by, even though it seems like a speial connetion? (Too ealry to tell, actually.)

We greatly appreciate your interest in helping us build our Q&A database. To discourage vandals from posting garbage, however, we require people to register before posting.

You must be logged in to post an answer. Click here to log in.