Coming to a realization...

When did you first realize that you were morbidly obese? I never thought I was as big as I actually was. I always thought I looked nice, always had a great hairdo and ALWAYS wore makeup. Then, I went to 6 Flags Kentucky Kingdom last June, and it took TWO rollercoaster attendents to push the little bar thingie closed on me. I was completely floored. I couldn't believe I was that big! I think it really devestated me on more than one level. I rarely fix my hair more than is necessary to clean it. I NEVER wear makeup anymore. I feel guilty about eating, but then I think "I am already so far gone. What is one more donut going to hurt?". I just feel like there is no sense in decorating a body with makeup and whatnot, when that body is so repulsive that I don't even like to look at myself. I am having a really hard time dealing with the fact that I am so large. I guess I was in denial about it, but now...I am ready to DO something about it!!!!!!!

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