I need to get back on an anti-depressant--looking for guidance.

Hi all. Well, it's been about 4 months and 68 lbs since my surgery and I've fallen in a big, black hole. Prior to surgery, I'd been on anti-depressants for about 16 years. After surgery, I tell myself I quit taking them because I was afraid to swallow them and crushing them made me gag. The real reason is because I wanted to live a good life without relying on a pill each day to make me whole & bearable. I was doing SO GOOD, too, I was sure I could finally do it--life and everything about it was so good, I thought for sure I was "cured". But, I was wrong. For the past couple of weeks, I'm so crabby & moody I can't even stand myself. My kids & hubby throw it in my face that I'm not taking my medicine, and it makes me hate them. I kept trying to prove them wrong, but there is no denying it. About all the good I've felt since surgery is gone out the window. I don't care about anything I do or say, and not that I'm contemplating suicide, but I feel like being dead might not be too bad. Then, add selfishness to the mix--I keep outgrowing my clothes and now when I'm naked I look like a big saggy, baggy elephant. I can't stop crying. I was on Zoloft, but it seemed to be loosing it's effectiveness toward the end, so I think I'd like to try something new. I'm sure my Dr. will have suggestions of what he'd like to put me on, but do any of you have any post-op suggestions that I may discuss with him? I'd like something fast acting, that doesn't cause headaches or "sexual side effects". I want to feel good, so I can start enjoying my new life again. And so my family can start enjoying me again. I wish I could bottle up whatever kept me going since surgery, because that was better than any anti-depressant I've ever taken. Thank you for listening. Audra, Open RNY 8-7-03, -68, 248/180/140

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