Help me! I can't stop grazing

I know this is what made me MO in the first place! I lost my mom in December as a result of her RNY surgery and have been full of guilt ever since. As time goes on I guess it is eating me up and I am picking to make myself feel better. Too bad when I am done and I realize it I then hate myself. WHat can I do to stop this?? Being aware isn't enough and I just can't afford counseling right now. Wendy

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