Evils of WLS no one wants you to know...

That's right, I'm talking about those untold, hidden "side-effects" of life after WLS. Those of you who are pre-op had better not read on, as your dream of a happy life may get punctured. While it's true many things improve after your health returns, some things we take for granted and have become accustomed to get pulled out from under our feet. For example: (1) Housework. When I was huge, my wife never asked me help around the house. I guess she was afraid I was going to have a Heart Attack if I tried to vaccum the Living Room. Shoot, I didn't even have to take out the trash. I used to spend all my time in front of the TV. Well, now she's got me working like a dog. I might as well wear an apron all weekend. (2) Yardwork. My definition of Yardwork used to be whipping out my wallet to pay some 12 year old kid to do it for me. Now she's got me out in the hot sun trying to keep up with the neighbor's yard. You know, Lawn Mowers sounded much less annoying from the comforts of my Lazy-Boy. (3) Privacy. When I was big, I always had a seat to myself on buses and trains. Who in their right mind wanted to squeeze in next to me. Well, that doesn't happen anymore. Not only do I always share, but my "neighbor" seems to always want to bring a burger and fries with them. It's a wonder I haven't murdered someone. My "mug shot" would show me with Ketchup dripping down my chin. (4) Wardrobe. I used to never spend money on clothes. I hate shopping, and what was the point anyway?? Even if I wore the latest fashions, nobody noticed - all they saw was "fat". Well, now my wife wants to "show me off" all the time. She's got me in stores that have names I can't even pronounce. If this keeps up, I'm going to need a second job!! (5) Bedtime. I used to sleep through the night without interruption. My CPAP was purring, and I slept like a baby. My wife never bothered me. Well, now she's waking me up at all hours demanding "attention". I guess when I was big, I was about as sexy as a Michelin tire. She's acting as if I'm going to add 150 pounds next week, and this is her "window of opportunity". (6) Fathering. If I was watching a ball game on TV, I never got disturbed by my kid. If she tried to ask me to go play with her, my wife would come to my rescue saying "Honey, your Daddy is (busy/tired/some other lame excuse) right now. Go play by yourself." Now, I hardly watch TV at all, unless it's Cartoon Network. I've lost track of the pennant races, but I can tell you "The Powerpuff Girls rule!!!". (7) Buffet Restaurants. Talk about frustration. While everyone else is "enjoying" themselves, I'm pretending to enjoy a piece of fish that had sat under a heat lamp so long it had turned into rubber. No butter; no ketchup; no flavor. Worse yet, I'm actually satisfied after this pathetic meal. If I want to sample everything, I get maybe 5 grams per dish, tops. So, I'm warning you - life after WLS is not always everything it's cracked up to be. Jeez, I need a vacation... ALONE!!! Disgruntledly yours, Kevin

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