Social Retardation...How do you overcome?

Hi folks, I'm going to try to discuss this without presenting it like a pityparty...but sometimes thinking about this can bring me to tears. This is more a thought/discussion for those who've been overweight since puberty who like me, blamed their weight on lack of friends.I'm in my mid thirties now, and marvel that a person can go this long in life and not develope one meaningful friendship with a peer. It's purely absurd to me. I isolated myself a lot in my teens to avoid the (often) horrible treatment I received from my schoolmates. At an earlier age I'd acted like a baffoon and laughed along with the fat kid remarks and danced around like a simpleton exaggerating my fattness just to make the kids laugh...just to be liked. At some point in my early teens, it dawned on me I was behaving like an ass. I developed a very self protective, extremely defensive attitude that I've maintained unfortunately to this day. I've thawed out a lot since loosing 140some lbs...but the damage is done. I've had friendships over the years, but not good ones. More like each of us (geeks/fatsos/etc) using each other to cover up our own inadaqecies...of which we would grow tired and move on to the next friend/victim. Now that I'm older and achieved a "normal" weight and am hopefully much more enlightened and mature I try not to blame people's either liking/not liking me based on my appearance, however it is still hard to overcome. I don't think I ever really developed the skills necessary to "make friends". Can any of you who've dealt with life long obesity relate to this? How are you doing with *un* isolating yourself? I've tried various craft classes, support groups, volunteer oppurtunities, but never really seem to click with anyone. I think now that I'm older, and married, and do not have kids, it's even harder to find peers to be friends with. Strange question, I know, but any insights, remarks, suggestions, would be greatly appreciated. My husbands only response to all of this (he doesn't really have any friends either) is "a friend in need, is a friend indeed". I love him lots, but that theory is pretty bleak. Thanks again. -Kim open RNY 7/17/01 -145ish

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