Who Will I Be???

I have been heavy my entire life, and now that I am going to have the surgery...I wonder what type of person is going to be uncovered. I have always been one to hold back and dissapear in the crowd. I did anything to keep people from noticing me. I know deep down, that is NOT who I am! I have always dreamed of a life where I can feel comfortable speaking out, going out, and just having lots of fun. But, I have always felt fat and ugly, and inadequate, and never did any of the things young girls my age did. I am 25 years old, married, and have four kids now. I am afraid that once I lose this weight, I am going to have this very strong desire to go out and party and have fun and do the things I never did before. I love my husband dearly and would never be unfaithful, but I have this urge to have OTHER men look at me and think that I am beautiful and attractive. I started dating my husband when I was only 18, and I have never ever dated anyone else. He was the first and only one who ever showed interest in me seriously, and I jumped at the chance..thinking that a fat girl like me wouldn't get many more opportunities. I want to be able to put a small short dress on...and go out and dance and feel sexy. I am so sick of being jealous of all my friends who are so skinny and seem to have such great lives. I know I am a good person, but I worry that this is really going to change me...and maybe even cause me to lose the person I love most in my life. I do not want that to happen! I am anxious and excited to see just WHO has been underneath all this fat! But, I am afraid that it will change me so much that I will want different things in my life than what I have now.

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