Now what do I do?

I was researching this surgery over 18 months ago. My ins. co. denied me as exclusions were specific and unyielding. My sister went ahead and had the surgery (different state and ins. co.) as well as two others I know. Now I get the ins. co. booklet for 2002 and they ALLOW medically necessary gastric bypass. BUT I had already convinced myself over the last 18 months that I didn't want to go ahead with it (after severe inital disappointment). One of my friends who had surgery had a friend who had it and died. That sort of reinforced it in my mind that "everything happens for a reason" and that was why my ins. co. had denied me. NOW this happens - and I don't know what to think. I am 5'1" and 281 pounds currently.

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