I have to wait EIGHT months until my surgery, how am I going to make it?

Well, I certainly have been reminded of why I need this surgery so bad. I am feeling guilty and ashamed because we haven't walked in over a week. I'm scared to weigh because I'm afraid I regained the 9# I lost. Or worse, more than that. I was doing so well on what I ate, then someone brought pizza over. After that, I gave myself excuses as to why I could just "have a little". I'll excersize more (or at least tonight, for sure), or, I'll eat less today. I have stopped logging my food at Dietwatch.com because now everytime I put anything into my mouth, I feel guilty. I tried for so long not to care, to just accept the way I was and enjoy food. Then I found out about this surgery. It matters to me to lose weight. I want to be healthier like everyone else. I want to be on the "other side". I want a life. I'm scared every night when I go to sleep I will die in my sleep because my apnea is so severe. I'm afraid I will over exert my heart and have a heart attack before I get surgery. I have to wait until July and it's starting to feel like torture already. How am I going to make it through the next eight months? And NOT gain anymore weight? I don't like how I feel about myself now. I feel like I'm SNEAKING when I eat food. It's horrible. I felt like this all my life and now it seems to be obbsessing in me. My friend was denied her insurance and has been having major stress in her life right now, so she isn't being any more supportive than I am of her. We order our fast food without saying a word, and I know she feels the way I do. How am I going to make it another eight months without going crazy, or killing myself with stress??? Help!!

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