Part 2, what happens when family is not supportive?
First I have to say thanks to everyone who has responded to my question, it has overwhelmed me and I know I am not alone in this struggle. Now, here is a second part to my previous question.... I followed the advice of many to find out why my hubby feels the way he does... My husband is not giving up in trying to get me NOT to have the surgery and I think his feelings are now turning from frustration to anger because I am not giving in and January 12th is quickly approaching. I am really trying to remain calm and not start any fights. I came right out again and told him I am doing this...he keeps saying he doesn't understand why I am voluntarily doing this to myself (all he sees is BAD BAD BAD). He sees me reading all my info, and books, I do this, so I know that I am going into this surgery fully informed and prepared for now and after. He keeps saying if I put in as much effort in reading and learning about doing it the NORMAL way, without surgery, I would succeed also. He just doesn't get it. I asked him if he would read my books and information, even though he doesn't approve, just so he knows the facts and what to expect afterwards, because I am his wife and this is going to happen. He says he doesn't need to, he knows what is going to happen. He says he read the chapter (in Weight Loss Surgery for Dummies) about how to succeed after surgergy and said of course the book is going to promote success because that is what the book is all about. Then continued to ask why I couldn't focus my energies on the successes of people who lost weight the conventional way. He just doesn't see that I have been doing that for 10 years, I know EVERYTHING there is to know about weight loss and how to do it properly, it is just implementing the course that is very difficult. (jusy so it is clear, he did come with me to my consult and he did talk to the surgeon and will be taking me to the hospital) I told him I knew what he was thinking, that if he did read the info, to him it would be like accepting and supporting the surgery, which he cannot do. How right I was. How well do I know him. I reinforced to him that even though he is making this hell for me now, I still loved him and wasn't angry, (even though I took every ounce in me not to blow up in his face). I told him that no matter what, I still and will love him no matter how he treats me now and after. He rolled over and said he still loved me, even though I was putting him through hell. I asked him why I was putting him through hell, and he said because he KNOWS I could do this without the surgery. Last week he even tried to make a comprimise with me, telling me to do the Weight Watchers for a year, giving it everything I had, and if after a year I still wasn't satisfied, he would support me in the surgery 120%. I immediately asked him why he couldn't support me like that now, and he said because he knows I can do this without surgery. In my mind I went BANANNAS! So according to him it sounds like I have not given it my all any time I have tried to lose weight in the past, and that is why I have failed over and over and over again. It hurt. Also, I was thinking, what was a year gonna do, postpone the inevitalbe, and how can I believe he is going to do a 180 and all of a sudden support me. I found this as being a last ditch attempt to get me to stop this process. A lame attempt at that. I know I am making him sound like a real jerk, and maybe he is in this case, but over all he is an awesome husband and I keep praying that he will come around no matter how long it takes. But I realize now that I can get support in other places and I am confident I will do it. I do realize I am finally going to do something for me! I guess this is just another speedbump in the road we call life! Sometimes I wonder if he realizes how strong of a person I really am? Thanks for letting me vent!
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