Am I doing the right thing?

I see all of the weight loss ads on TV and most of the time I find myself crying. If they can lose all of their weight by taking a pill and eating special meals prepared just for you, then why can't I just stop overeating everytime I turn around? Then I remember that most of them are paid celebrities and can afford to buy the expensive systems and hire a personal trainer. We are just the average to low income people and most of us are fortunate to have health insurance that cares enough about us to allow us this "luxury," whether you think of it as that or not. We are all taking a great chance with our lives by having this surgery done. There is a great deal of risk we are taking when we go ahead and have this surgery, no matter which type of surgery is done. Hopefully, the decision to have the surgery by each and every one of us, is for ourselves. I want to be around for all of our grandchildren as long as I possibly can, but with the way things are going now, every bite I take is one step closer to death. I suffer from obesity, diabetes II, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, depression, hypothyroidism, fibromyalgia, short term memory loss on occassion and am only 44 years old. I have had most of these problems for 10 years as of July this year. Our health, family, and friends are also a big factor in the decision. I struggle almost everyday, with the decisions I make about food. Our family is falling apart and I have a great deal of personal/family matters on my plate. I am going through depression right now and frustration with five of our six children, who continuously are making bad decisions. My husband (who has COPD) just starting smoking again as well as our 18 year old daughter and we have another daughter in the house that smokes. You don't know how bad I want to smoke a cigerette. I went outdoors the other day to find out where everyone was at. Guess what? There were five people in our backyard having a "smoking party." I came in the house, went to my office, and just started to cry, just like I am know doing while writing this. I want to smoke really bad, but know if I do, it really will be the wrong thing and I am not great on willpower. I really don't know what is keeping me from smoking at this time, but maybe it is God. I just wish I could refrain from eating, like I can with smoking. I do not have a surgery date as yet, but have completed all of the pre-op neccessities, except for one more pysch appt on 06/20. According to my insurance, I have until August to get the surgery completed before my approval runs out. I am going to have the lapband surgery done by Dr. Sudan in Omaha, NE. I am getting scared about all of this, but at the same time I am hoping that I have made the right decision. I have good days and bad days when it comes to eating and know that I will have to make a severe lifestyle change after the surgery. I have days that I could care less about what I eat and eat whatever I feel like eating. I had lost about 15 pounds over about a month, but then gained most of it back. Exercise is really hard for me to do. I suffered a severe back injury in January 2007 and ruptured 4 discs in my lower back and according to the neurosurgeon, surgery would probably not help this as they can only fuse two discs at this time. This prevents me from exercising like I should as the increased activity sends excrutiating pain down my legs or irriates my back. I haven't found any exercise that works for me. I was doing 200 crunches a day, but that really sent my back in an uproar and ended up missing work because of it. I am know down to doing 10 reps in the morning and 10 reps in the evening and can do that without a whole lot of pain. Walking any long distances causes great pain in my lower back, hips, and legs. I usually try to walk about 12 blocks a couple times a week and that's about all I can handle. I just need to know that there is someone else out there that maybe having second thoughts or frustrations or confusion. I guess I just feel like I am a basket case and not sure if I will be able to go through with this surgery. Our insurance will pay for all of the cost as we have met our deductible for the year, so that is not the issue at all. I am really lucky that we have very good insurance.

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