im mentally unable to adapt to chewing slow, i try but my depression kicks in

i suffer from major depression and panic/anxiety attacks, my doctor who is DR.CLARENCE HIXON doesnt seem to understand how severe this mental illness is, i told him recently that since january2005, ive had to make myself vomit just to be able to burp or swallow because honestly i ate too fast or sometimes i didnt and lately blood has been in my saliva when i regurgitate, but his only concern is that i lose more pounds and he told me to start back eating like i did when i was 3months post-op, now how silly does that sound me eating like we all did at 3 months post up, right now its been 11 months since i had the surgery and we all know we can eat more now than at 3 months. he also stated that i should take 5 minutes between each bite, i told him that it would take hours to finish one meal if i took 5 minutes just to chew, this is so depressing for me that ive thought about just not eating at all, my depression is so bad (and i do see a psychiatrist and therapist) that it can lead me into experiencing suicidal thoughts or attempts and i have sever extreme panic attacks, i take paxil for it, i dont know what to do, i feel from the beginning that i was never mentally prepared for the surgery, i fooled myself into believing that i was and i was wrong, very wrong, i will check myself into a local mental health institution to seek help soon, i started out at 452 and is now 287, i wish my doctor would understand what im going thru and stop being so concerned with every pound i lose and realize that regardless of the fact that i may indeed eat fast that is no reason to show no concern for my repeats of self induced vomiting which will eventually damage my esophagus, i throw up so that i can burp because air/gas gets trapped in my throat and it prevents me from being able to swalloew and my saliva wont go down and just builds up in my mouth until i have to spit up all the time, is there other people on this website that is experiencing depression badly where its interfering with adhering to the surgery guidlines for eating?all im admitting to you all is that im very mentally unstable and i feel that i should have my surgery reversed to keep my sanity before it leads to a nervous breakdown or suicide, thanks for listening

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