Interesting Dilemma with Men's Perceptions

I'm a grown woman well into adulthood, but nevertheless......PREOP: A good friend of mine has a son around my age. I am close with her whole family and we've all had a lot of fun together. After I made the decision to have WLS, it wasn't long before I started to have feelings for the son. But I shelved them, thinking "oh, he couldn't possibly be attracted to me, I'm way too fat". He never made any indication whatsoever that he was interested in me as anything other than a good friend. I thought that only once I had the WLS could I seriously consider pursuing a relationship with him. POSTOP: Son compliments me frequently as I lose weight, is very nice and warm and friendly, but does not exactly make it obvious that he's interested. I'm also aware of the delicate line to be crossed--this is not just some guy, this is the son of a friend of mine. So I thought I would wait (big mistake) to get some sort of "green light" from Mom that it was OK for me (or him) to consider exploring this possibility. The glorious day came when I mentioned I wanted to see a particular movie, he said "I'll go with you" and asked if after the movie we grab some dinner and then go to a party at a friend's house. I was so excited, but seemed to get the vibe from Mom that she wasn't too happy with the idea. At this point I had lost a chunk of weight, but was still quite heavy. That insecure internal dialogue kept playing over and over. But I told myself to keep an open mind and see what happens. We had a great time together until dinner, when he told me that one night he and a bunch of friends went out after work and he and this girl he worked with proceeded to make out with him. I thought "OK, so he made out with this girl; so what?" He kept talking about her, then he said "you might see her tonight. I asked her to come to the party we're going to and to bring some friends". I got the impression that he was telling me about this girl like you would speak to a good friend about a girl you were interested in. I also thought that if this girl showed up, I would feel uncomfortable knowing that he and she had had a major face-sucking extravaganza the week before. So I said to him "gee, [son], are you interested this girl? If you'd rather I didn't go with you to the party, that's OK" (spoken like a true Fat Girl). He looked wounded and said "No! I asked YOU!" I said OK and off we went to the party. Girl never showed up. He never made a move and neither did I. But I still thought "OK. Maybe once I lose more weight....." Meanwhile, still no hint from Mom. One month after our date, I hear from Mom that someone is crazy about him (not the make-out girl, BTW). I ask Mom if he is interested in her and she says "yeah!" The kicker? This girl is MO. Several months later, AFTER they decide to move in together, Mom tells me "you know, I was really saying a prayer for you and [son] before he met J. He was interested in you for a long time, but he didn't think you were interested in him." NOW she tells me. If anybody is STILL READING at this point...LOL.....does anyone have any insight into how to forgive yourself for having preconceived notions about yourself being fat vs. being thin and making misguided assumptions? I lost out on a good guy because I let my fat get the best of me. It's also a cautionary tale---whatever your situation is, remember that the issues that plagued you when you were fat will still continue to plague you when you lose weight. It's true that this isn't brain surgery! I feel like someone "popped my balloon". Any insights for this "teenager"? :o) (Yes, I AM in therapy!!)

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