Why do I feel compelled to eat like a pre-op? (long - need help!)

Oh, I need help. I have avoided posting to the site or update my profile because I'm so upset with myself. I had open RNY on my 30th birthday, March 20, 2003. I've lost 65 pounds, and for the life of me, I don't know how I've done it. I have problems with getting enough water in, all protein supplements are intolerable, and I'm sick of string cheese. Immediately post-op I was angry at myself for having the surgery and watched the Food Network non-stop. Mind you, I hate fancy foods with weird ingredients, so I don't know why I was watching. I stuck with my surgeon's 6 week plan for the most part - I never could get the 64 ounces of water, nor the 79 grams of protein my height requires. Since then, I've discovered that the adverse reactions to various foods are not enough of a deterrant for me. Spending ungodly amounts of time cramping on the toliet is apparently not enough to keep me from overeating. After discovering that I can eat the same foods as before, why can't I be satisfied with a few bites? Why do I feel compelled to eat as much as I can? I'm in constant panic that I will stretch my pouch out. In my mind, I know that even at my worst I'm not eating nearly as much as I could pre-op, and I don't graze all day like I used to. For instance, I generally eat a piece of string cheese for breakfast, a sandwich for lunch, and a 'normal' dinner such as a small bowl of chili. However, when faced with something I want, look out! I had a 6 ounce filet mignon the other night, and even though it took 25 minutes, I ate the whole thing. I was very uncomfortable, but ate it anyway. Please, don't criticize, you can't say anything I haven't told myself, but offer any help or suggestions. Any others out there ashamed of the way they've behaved post-op? I researched this surgery for nearly 2 years and swore I was going to be a picture perfect patient that used this tool correctly. How can I get back on track? A big thing is the selection of foods...I like very plain meat-and-potatoes type meals. I enjoy meaty casseroles and of course am still addicted to carbs...help help please

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