Long Term Post-op: Why won't I weigh myself?

I am 22 months post-op and have lost all of my excess weight (down from 254 to 140ish). I am thrilled with the weight loss. I lost all my weight within 11 months. By last July, I had gotten down to 138 and stopped there. Then I fluctuated, depending upon the time of the month and the scale I am weighing myself on. My problem is this. I have not weighed myself in months. I am totally afraid to get on the scale because I fear that I've gained weight. My clothes pretty much fit the same and I feel great, but my quantities are pretty big (though I make fine choices). I am always staring at my tummy and thinking it looks bigger and bigger. How can I get myself on the scale? And if I did gain weight, how do I defeat this feeling of failure? No one has told me that I've gained weight nor do they say I look good. I constantly ask my husband if he sees any changes. He said he doesn't but it's hard to believe him since he never saw a change when I was working my way up to 254... Any suggestions or insight? Thanks =)

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