skylark2011
13 years out! Weight gain, COVID, perimenopause, adulting
Apr 14, 2024
Man, I have missed this space SO much. I am so grateful to be able to come back here, look at posts, see how far Ive come, and see where I started. There has been so much that has happened in my life - in everyones life! - since my last post. The combination of those events have definitely contributed to my weight gain, and I am here to get my life back on the train track that I have chosen.
Where to begin? My last post was in 2018. January of that year my grandmother passed away. A real blow to our family, but one we had been preparing for for a few years. The real kick to the gut happened the following year. My Mom passed away unexpectedly in January of 2019. That loss sent our whole family into a tailspin, especially following Grandma's passing. It was a lot to handle, coming on the tail of trying to find my footing and a sense of normalcy and safety for my children and I post-divorce. I am grateful that our DV counseling helped us navigate some of the turmoil, but it was an extremely exhausting and taxing time. I was still working out and being mindful of what went in my mouth, but definitely not as diligent about what went in my mouth. I was made the executor though I was hundreds of miles away, and I had to take extended time off of work to travel back and forth for a year and a half. It was a lot, but I do not regret doing any it. Piled on top of all of that, COVID happened, which knocked the entire world off of its rocker.
Trying to navigate all of these things...to be honest I feel that I am just now waking up. I feel like I am just now really having time to breathe and actually look around me. The fog has cleared. There was high stress, depression, all of the stages of grief - for my family, for the world, for my marriage, for my children - almost like a seasonal recurrence - for many years. That level of stress, fear, and all of the grief wreaks havoc on my body. Sprinkling in symptoms of what I now know to be perimenopause - though I had no idea at the time - it's a wonder, miracle, nod to my surgeon, universe, and a few solidified good habits that I didn't gain all of the weight back. It was the wildest ride I have ever been on, and have no desire to get back on. My saving grace was being able to journal - that and being able to look at my children, see that they were safe, be able to tell everyone in my life that I love them, and being told and shown that the feeling was mutual. Love really carried us through these past 5+ years.
It is WILD to realize that it has been that long. And here I am - Sunday April 14th, around 8 am, writing a blog post on one of my favorite platforms. It is a relief to be here and be able to do this. Pure relief & gratitude. Today I weighed in at 222.4 pounds. That is around 25 pounds over my 1st goal weight of 198, 40 pounds over my 2nd goal weight of 183, and about 50 pounds over my lowest weight of 175 ( which I did not like because at 5'9" I looked like a bobble-head). So now what?
I figure that is what I am here to navigate. I absolutely love what my sleeve and this OH community has done for me. And even with a 50 pound weight gain from my lowest weight, and about 25 pounds up from my visit with Dr. Sauceda in 2018, I have still maintained a weight loss of about 130 pounds. That number is still absolutely amazing to me, and inspires me to not give up. I will keep going as I navigate losing more weight. Do I consider a VSG revision? I am grateful that that is even an option for me. But I think for a few months I will take time to really re-solidify my exercise routine and eating regiment and make sure to document. My body has gone through, and is still coming down from going through - a lot.(And peri is NOT over) Having this space always helps me with my perspective. OH and the support here is beyond words.
