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How cool!  That's a lot of miles!  My schedule is blowing up everywhere right now and I don't think I would be a great team member right now because I don't know if I could contribute much except for my 3 short dog walks a day but please....any members that would like to join in...I would love to see it!
hugs, Y

Hi JEllen.  Just checking on you.  Are you doing OK??

OK Miss Thing! I snuck a peek at your profile and there is a saying in our community.  We are RARELY upset for the reasons we think.  First of all you are feeling all the normal stuff!  You are doing GREAT!  I just looked at your before picture and the most recent and I'm telling you that you are looking way prettier!  You've lost over 100 lbs!  Think back to the night before surgery and really be in that body.  Then imagine you're zapped into the present over 100 pounds thinner!  You've got to start seeing the green grass.  I think you're still doing that thing where you're looking over the fence at the greener grass.  If you do that, you'll never get to the other side.  You have to enjoy the journey!  Another REALLY important thing...DO NOT give up a dream!  If you believe you won't reach your goal you absolutely won't.  You are what you believe.  Everyone has stalls and your body will do that.  Just make sure you are doing everything you are supposed to do.  Change up your exercise because that's another way to break stalls.

Now....I didn't read it in depth but I got enough of the idea that you have a lot of stress going on in your life at home.  THAT is the root of your despair.  It's just easier to blame your weight.  We put all our eggs in our "weight loss basket" and when things start to get stressful we start beating up the eggs.  Do not give into the food demons.  You cannot let them win.  You cannot allow yourself to self medicate with food.  Do whatever it takes.  Go to support group meetings, join overeater's annonymous, find something happy to do just for you!  Even if your job seems crappy right now, LOOK for the good.  I challenge you to find something enjoyable about it.  Learn to live right now...in the now.  The past is gone, the future isn't here.  When we take those little annoying "cir****tances" and make them into giant problems, they are just that. You've got to put it in perspective and start each day being grateful that you're kids are alive and healthy, you have a husband there etc. etc.  I really would like for you to check out Overeater's Anonymous.  You will find ways to deal with the demons and it's free.  I'd also like to give you a book.  Send me a private message and I'll buy it for you OK?  You've got the classic symptoms of being restless, irritable and discontent.  You may even be depressed.  Here's a little part of the book:

In time you develop automatic negative thoughts ANTS. Every waking moment is a combination of impossibilities, victimization and pessimism. I can't.  They won't. It will never happen. There's no way. They did it to me. You can feel yourself swimming in negativity yet you are convinced that it is the real version of the world. How can a low energy state produce an active busy mind? It doesn't. Your brain is not overly active, nor busy.  It is repeating itself. Same thought over and over again.  And you're exhausted listening to it.. You are actually using less physical brain and less physical body when you are depressed.

And if you stay at his level of depression for a long time, your memory shrinks and so does your brain. 

Here's the weird paradox of paralyzing depression - it's addicting. Just like food. No matter how horrible you feel, your brain has a comfort level set by familiarity. Chronic depression and despair begin to feel like home. You will automatically seek this familiar place in your mind - a kind of persistent grinding transmission that you become used to after awhile.

This is from Obese from the Heart by Dr. Sara Stein. 

Again I will get the book for you.  You've got to completely turn your thinking around and seek out the beauty in life and walk around the negative.  Our perception is everything!  You have a choice to seek out the good and forget the bad or you can concentrate on the bad.  Things can always be way worse!  I don't want you to put any of that weight back on.  There's the perfect example!  You are still losing.  It might not be where you want it but life rarely is.  Read Molly's post where she has decided to get back on track.  She regained 80 pounds and she's kicking that regain monster's butt. 

I hope this made sense and I hope my love and compassion showed through the words.  I've seen this many times and you've just got to get a handle on this thing before it destroys you OK? Send me a message so I can find  a way to get that book for you OK?
hugs, Y

I recently had varicose vein surgery on my right leg.  I had had it done in the spring, and the surgery failed, so this was the 2nd round.  I had the post-op ultrasound last night and they discovered a blood clot behind my right knee.  Right away they started me on shots of a blood thinner, plus I am taking coumadin.  when the coumadin reaches the right level in my blood, I'll be able to lay off the shots.  The thinners prevent the clot from enlarging, and eventually, my body should re-absorb the clot.  I just have to hope, in the meantime, that it doesn't travel.  This is where I need your prayers.  I am not telling my mother or my daughters - pretty much confining the information to my generation of the family.  My sister in law died two years ago from a sprained ankle, from which sprang a pulmonary embolism, which is what, of course, killed her.  I don't need any of them jumping to terrible conclusions about me, but I want to be able to ask for prayer from those of you out there in touch with God.

By the way, I am absolutely confident that God loves me and wants good things for me.  Proof?  How about the fact that my insurance gave the green light on my panniculectomy on the first try?  My surgeon actually told me about it the day I went in for the vein surgery.  It's great news, and this blood clot and protocol will not get in the way.  They'll just approach things with additional care.   I hope that's coming up for me sometime before Christmas.

Thanks so much!

Love you all!

Kathy

“Today, I'll accept that my mistakes can accelerate my growth, I'll apply the lessons I learn from the errors I make so I can make my next attempt more successful". - Author Unknown-