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YEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I knew you'd be OK!!  WOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  I'm so happy for you!!!  I knew you were worried but I knew you'd be just fine!! I'm so glad you're past this and on your way!!
hugs, Y

I am sure you are right about the church.   It seems right now anything I do other than crying and pining away for him is perceived as a threat to him.      I go to Sunday service and for a few weeks, I went to a bible study.   I haven't joined a lot of ministries and added to my time for that reason.    I am involved in a lot of things with other military wives, and that seems to tick him off too.  He was the one who got me involved and now is mad because I am involved. 

We did counseling for a while and went to a Marriage Fix-It seminar, but he doesn't want to hear from any of them that he is partially to blame.  If they agree with me on the least little thing, he attacks them like he attacks me.   Our marriage counselor actually said until he gets things straight on his own, the marriage counseling was a waste of time.   He was very blunt that my husband was a barrier to restoring things, but yet my husband says that the counselor said it was all me.  It was unbelievable.   Until last week, I was going weekly to see the counselor, and will pick back up in a week or two when things calm down.    

The kids and I don't talk to him about church because he starts an argument.     One of the ladies from the church called to check on me when they had the lump removed and he was so mean to her.  I have never been so embarassed by him.   She told me not to worry about it, but I told him he doesn't have to like my new friends but he can't be so disrespectful that he would have never accepted that kind of behavior from me or the kids.  He didn't say anything else.  

We did talk to a military person, not sure what his title his, but he helps families.    Anyway, apparently Aaron unloaded on him and kept saying he didn't love me because of this or that.  He said finally told him, that was hogwash.   He said Aaron just stopped, then he told Aaron, I think you love her so much but you are trying to convince yourself that you don't.     He said Aaron never argued with him after that statement.    He said told Aaron that the changes I made while he was  gone were good and would benefit him if he would quit being so angry about everything.    He said Aaron doesn't want to admit that he is jealous over my weightloss and it was something hard for him to deal and that he doesn't like himself for feeling the way he does.      

Aaron is seeing a counselor at the VA, and it seems to be helping.   His outbursts are less frequent, but just as ugly.   

He had a breakdown yesterday over my grandmother.  They love each other very much.   I told him that we were all going to have to be patient with each other during this time.   I don't know what to do with all the facts about my grandmother.  I dont know how to comfort my kids.  I promised that I would not use the situation to manipluate him (he thinks that is my ammo, it is not, but he thinks it) , but that if I tell him he is needed, I need him to take this serious.   He promised he would.    

I will keep you posted on the lump.   My poor grandmother is lying in the hosptial bed sick and hurting, and is stressing over my lump.  I thought yesterday she was going to call the doctor herself. 

--April

Anne I really appreciate your advice. It is a source of great support. I know what I need to do but without someone that knows and reminds you it is easy to become lax. I do need to move about but today that isn't so hard. My husband is out of town so I have to make the cups of tea and do more for myself.

To me the lap incisions hurt more than the open. I feel like a turtle upside because the lap incisions are what is keeping me from moving side to side. The binder is a must and it gives pressure to the area and if you have to cough you don't ever want to take it off. They told me at the hospital if you want to eliminate some of the pain adding pressure helps.

I had a hysterectomy and cesarean on the same cut line and I didn't take care of myself and as a result I have too much scare tissue (one reason for the open). I had a toddler and infant so it was pretty hard to take it easy.

Today I have to take care of myself. My husband is out of town but he sent me a dozen roses for our 26th wedding annivarsary.

Diana

I typed this long long response and it's gone.  Give me some time to retype it.  I wanted to let you know that I care.  I was mostly asking if you have benefits to see a therapist that your husband is OK with.  I think you need to get to someone as soon as possible.  I will retype it shortly.  Just know that my prayers are with you....you're having a really tough time.
hugs, Y

So ...

you say you aren't excited.... the whole week ahead of you...

work is a drag.... boss is a pain....

WELL....

today is TUESDAY... nothing much exciting about that....

Until you realize that Tomorrow is Hump Day and you'll be half of the way through your week - heading to FRIDAY afternoon! 

WOO HOO....

Have a good one everybody!


 remember if you can't rise & shine.... just rise!