My first encounter with "fat friend" syndrome

Ok Yvonne told me this day might come..and unfortunately it has. One of my girlfriends tonight told me that she feels like the fat ugly step sister when she is with me..and that she fades into the backgroud because people make such a big deal over me and my weight loss. She has realized that I am smaller then she is and it is bothering her big time. She has told me that she cannot be as supportive of me as she should be because she is jealous. I don't think of her as my "fat friend" I think of her as herself and love her no matter what. Please help me ! I don't know what to do to help this situation. It also does not help that I just got a job that she is jealous of also and now she is saying that she is happy for me..but that I have changed. How can you not change when you lose 135 pounds in a year??? She says it like it is a negative thing and it isn't negative at all..I am very proud of my success and I worked hard for it. I am afraid I will lose this friend and I don't want to. Any and all advice would be appreciated..Thanks..Katie

Oh Katie... I'm so sorry this is happening.

It is an unfortunate reality of our weight loss.
As is often said, "our surgery isn't brain surgery."
and that is also true for our friends... they are forced to rethink our relationship. THEY were comfortable with US being the Fatties... they didn't have to look inward and think about how they have gained weight because they were always knowing they had a FAT friend.

We have rocked their boat. But....
as you pointed out that isn't negative.  IT WAS FOR OUR HEALTH!

It will take time for true friends to work through their feelings,
the friendship can survive.
YOU be the same- bubbly person you've always been.

Don't let any of your friends- trip you up by sabatoge tactics-
or trying to make you feel guilty for getting healthy.

THIS weight loss thing & maintance is a journey...
It is a road that CAN be traveled together.

I hope in time... she comes around... at least she was honest with you - letting you know how she is feeling right now....
You know where she is mentally... perhaps you can help her change her perspective.

YOU did this NOT to make her feel badly... but to make yourself HEALTHY...

take it slow...

my thoughts are with you...

JUDY

Katie would it be OK to share your post?  If it's not, that's OK.  I don't want to out you to your friend if she would see it but I would love to share it in my blog.

I use this slide in one of my presentations.  I talk about leaving the core group of friends and how they want to pull you back.  They don't want you to leave even though you are starting to grow and "move up" in the world.



The thing that I see as a positive in your message is that she told you she was jealous.  The way it usually goes is where the friend just starts to become distant and they never tell you why.  Sometimes they don't even know why...they just resent you.  One of the kindest things one of my friends said to me when I was obese was that she didn't see me as big or obese. She saw me as Yvonne. She saw no size and loved me regardless. 

You have to ask yourself if the situation was reversed, would you not want your friend to have a better life?  Tell her that you love her no matter what.... but you must continue on your path.  I've seen this happen in families even and you cannot stay "down" because they want you to. She will adjust eventually one way or another.  The only thing you can do is encourage her, love her and do the very best for yourself.  We rarely get a second chance in life and you must live it with all you've got.  Continue to invite her to be in your life but if she declines....that's all you can truly do sweetie.  Do not get in the position of having survivor's guilt.  It makes me sad that you cannot enjoy your new found success in her company. That makes it difficult for everyone.  Bless your heart.  JEllen said some excellent stuff too (as she ALWAYS does).  Keep us posted. Don't hold back...enjoy your new life.  You worked really hard for it.
hugs, Y

I can't add any more advice then JEllen and Yvonne did; but I do understand your pain.  I too am walking through that with my Best Friend from High School.  We are two people that loss and gained, loss and gained together now I have taken this journey without her.  This time I had to do it for myself and to improve my health. Everyday I put her in the St. Francis prayer and ask God to open her heart to the possibilities and to give her everything I have been given.  And I ask him to help me be the example he would have me to be and to be there to inspire her in her journey when the time is right for her.   But they are right, focus on the positive things you have accomplished and enjoy your new life.  It is an incredible life, one I did not know was possible.

Katie

I don't have any additional advice.  Just want to thank you for sharing your story and allowing the rest of us to learn from your experience and from the others that have posted advice/experiences.

HUGS to you!! 

Katie can I quote you in my blog? I'll leave your name off.  I'd really like to share it.
hugs, Y