Tough times

well, the invitation was extended to dive in so watch out, here I come. Let me start out by saying I would not go back 6 months for anything, I am so glad I had my surgery.
Having stated the obvious, Times are tough these days. There is a place in time when the body is smaller but definitely not a pretty thing and the weight loss slows down (this all happened to me this month!) I am really struggling with feeling like it is not all worth it. If I am trying and trying and not seeing nice numbers (6lbs last month) and my body is not looking any nicer......then I am discouraged. IF the numbers were falling, I'd feel better, IF I felt prettier, I'd feel better but both of the struggles at the same time is really playing havoc with my emotions.
Saw my PC doc yesterday and what I told her is true, no matter how I am struggling, there's not much I can do. I can't go eat myself into oblivion. I can't stop (what a blessing that is!) I just have to take it and go on.
Now, before you all start in... I KNOW I HAVE DONE VERY WELL IN THE WEIGHT LOSS ARENA! I've lost alot of pounds and many co-morbidities, I know I am being successful, but, I am struggling these days and I am not happy about it. I feel big and ugly and feel like I am fighting the food demons an a regular basis. I feel like at 186 lbs, I should not still be a size 18/20 and sad to realize that my dream of being 150 and a size 12 is probably just a dream cause of my body shape. ug.
Sorry to spill, but I needed to share it, to get it out of my system.
Thanks for reading........

OK Miss Thing! I snuck a peek at your profile and there is a saying in our community.  We are RARELY upset for the reasons we think.  First of all you are feeling all the normal stuff!  You are doing GREAT!  I just looked at your before picture and the most recent and I'm telling you that you are looking way prettier!  You've lost over 100 lbs!  Think back to the night before surgery and really be in that body.  Then imagine you're zapped into the present over 100 pounds thinner!  You've got to start seeing the green grass.  I think you're still doing that thing where you're looking over the fence at the greener grass.  If you do that, you'll never get to the other side.  You have to enjoy the journey!  Another REALLY important thing...DO NOT give up a dream!  If you believe you won't reach your goal you absolutely won't.  You are what you believe.  Everyone has stalls and your body will do that.  Just make sure you are doing everything you are supposed to do.  Change up your exercise because that's another way to break stalls.

Now....I didn't read it in depth but I got enough of the idea that you have a lot of stress going on in your life at home.  THAT is the root of your despair.  It's just easier to blame your weight.  We put all our eggs in our "weight loss basket" and when things start to get stressful we start beating up the eggs.  Do not give into the food demons.  You cannot let them win.  You cannot allow yourself to self medicate with food.  Do whatever it takes.  Go to support group meetings, join overeater's annonymous, find something happy to do just for you!  Even if your job seems crappy right now, LOOK for the good.  I challenge you to find something enjoyable about it.  Learn to live right now...in the now.  The past is gone, the future isn't here.  When we take those little annoying "cir****tances" and make them into giant problems, they are just that. You've got to put it in perspective and start each day being grateful that you're kids are alive and healthy, you have a husband there etc. etc.  I really would like for you to check out Overeater's Anonymous.  You will find ways to deal with the demons and it's free.  I'd also like to give you a book.  Send me a private message and I'll buy it for you OK?  You've got the classic symptoms of being restless, irritable and discontent.  You may even be depressed.  Here's a little part of the book:

In time you develop automatic negative thoughts ANTS. Every waking moment is a combination of impossibilities, victimization and pessimism. I can't.  They won't. It will never happen. There's no way. They did it to me. You can feel yourself swimming in negativity yet you are convinced that it is the real version of the world. How can a low energy state produce an active busy mind? It doesn't. Your brain is not overly active, nor busy.  It is repeating itself. Same thought over and over again.  And you're exhausted listening to it.. You are actually using less physical brain and less physical body when you are depressed.

And if you stay at his level of depression for a long time, your memory shrinks and so does your brain. 

Here's the weird paradox of paralyzing depression - it's addicting. Just like food. No matter how horrible you feel, your brain has a comfort level set by familiarity. Chronic depression and despair begin to feel like home. You will automatically seek this familiar place in your mind - a kind of persistent grinding transmission that you become used to after awhile.

This is from Obese from the Heart by Dr. Sara Stein. 

Again I will get the book for you.  You've got to completely turn your thinking around and seek out the beauty in life and walk around the negative.  Our perception is everything!  You have a choice to seek out the good and forget the bad or you can concentrate on the bad.  Things can always be way worse!  I don't want you to put any of that weight back on.  There's the perfect example!  You are still losing.  It might not be where you want it but life rarely is.  Read Molly's post where she has decided to get back on track.  She regained 80 pounds and she's kicking that regain monster's butt. 

I hope this made sense and I hope my love and compassion showed through the words.  I've seen this many times and you've just got to get a handle on this thing before it destroys you OK? Send me a message so I can find  a way to get that book for you OK?
hugs, Y

Checking on you today....I hope you're having a better day.
hugs, Y

Hi Cheryl – Thanks for sharing a little with us about your struggles and know that you are not alone. You have joined one of the most positive groups around so we are going to work on getting you feeling better about yourself. First let me congratulate you along with Yvonne on your AMAZING weight loss of 100lbs. Kudos to you. Your surgery was in March of 2010 correct? That’s 100lb pounds in 6 months. That’s huge..

So what I’m saying is CELEBRATE in your current success. Live in the now and embrace how far you have come. When the stinking thinking starts happening take a few breaths and turn the negative into the positive. Find positive affirmations to say each and every day.. Don’t allow the negativity to overpower you. Practicing positive self-talk may be a big benefit for you. It’s hard, don’t get me wrong but this journey is one we work at every day and the more you do it the more natural it will feel.  

Let’s start with this one: My outer frame is what it is, but my soul is gorgeous!

Remember that they operated on our stomachs not our heads and we still have to find ways to deal with the head hunger monster and those food demons who like to sneak up at all times. 

I would like to encourage you to not focus so much attention on numbers. When we focus on numbers like our weight, our pants size, our shirt sizes, we tend to revert back to those days when we were dieting and everything was about numbers. The goal is for you to feel better and you will - just keep in mind you are still a newly post op patient and this is a new lifestyle for you. 

Here is a quote I want to share “Come to terms with the fact that thinking about weight loss has been an all-consuming passion, but that now it is time to look beyond the weight" – Cynthia Alexander, PsyD

Give yourself permission to allow more time for you to reach whatever goals you have set for yourself. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Keep in mind that we didn’t become obese overnight and we cannot reach our goals overnight either. 

Remember that this is a journey and with any journey comes unexpected turns, slow spots, bumps, hills, breakthroughs and amazing WOW moments. All good things come to those who wait right? Don’t ru**** take it slow and do it the correct ways. You are still in the honeymoon phase and this is the time to focus on changing those bad pre-op behaviors into good healthy ones.

What is it that makes you feel better (besides your weight going down)? If you had to make a list of 10 things that make you feel good what would that list look like? Ask yourself why you “feel ugly" and what would make you feel pretty? Is it time for some new clothes? Is it time to try out that new hair style you have always wanted? How about some pampering time? Treat yourself to a facial, a body massage, or a manicure/pedicure. Do something that will make you feel feminine that maybe you wouldn’t have done 6 months ago. Maybe it’s girl’s night out time, maybe a chat with a friend at the local coffee store?

What type of support system do you have? Do you have a “safe person" who has been through the surgery that you can confide in and talk to about your struggles? Friends/Family? Do you have a local support group you can attend? Have you tried an OA group? Do you have a therapist you can talk to? Food demons will remain throughout your journey but the goal is to learn how to deal with them now the proper way and not give into the monster.  

Many of us have food addictions and we are working recovery every day. Sometimes it takes a while to recognize and acknowledge our food addiction then figure out how to manage that addiction.

If you are a reader I would like to encourage a second book it’s called “The Emotional First Aid Kit" by Cynthia Alexander. This is another great resource to have.

 If you are on Facebook and into the social networking I invite you to look up different pages, blogs, and websites and read the stories, the positive affirmations etc. Here are a few for you:

http://baribits.blogspot.com/
http://bariatricgirl.blogspot.com/
 http://gastricbypassbarbie.com/

Facebook – Bariatric Life Coach Association, Bariatric Girl, Gastric Bypass Barbie

There is a wealth of positiveness going on in the bariatric community and know that we are here for you! As my friend Gastric Bypass Barbie says “Sometimes we all need a Positivity Suppository"! Let’s start removing the stinking thinking and replacing it with positive energy.. 

I hope something in this post has touched your heart and that you continue to find positive support through our online group. 

I leave you with this about the Law of Attraction:

My Every Story Is Attracting its Vibrational Match…

Every thought that you think is vibrating at a very personal frequency . . . and by the powerful Law of Attraction (the essence of that which is like unto itself, is drawn), that thought is now attracting another thought that is its Vibrational Match. And now, those combined thoughts are vibrating at a frequency that is higher than the thought that came before; and they will now, by the Law of Attraction, attract another and another and another, until eventually the thoughts will be powerful enough to attract a “real life" situation or manifestation.
Excerpted from Money and the Law of Attraction — 3/31/09

Take care and let us know how you are doing!

Hi Cheryl!!

I hope you are feeling better - sorry that you are having such a struggle.  Hope you'll  post soon and let us know how you are doing !!!!!!!!

xoxoxo

Hi everyone....
Thank you for all for the kind replys to my post. I needed it.I have been doing much thinking about what was said and something really stuck with me. When things in life get tough, I have always used weight as my default blame. Unhappy with kids.....it's cause I'm fat, you get the idea. That has not changed since surgery so when I get really frustrated at home, or at work or overloaded, it is natural to blame my weight, instead of blaming the real problem cause it would make me an ugly person if I let all of my frustration vent on others. Hating and being discouraged in myself seems more acceptable???
I am doing better. I am still overloaded, stressed and wishing for stronger weight loss numbers, I am just not defeated over it!
Thank you for the encouragement.