Molly is back on track!!

Thanks a lot for your support. I did fairly well today. I think I'm just sick of only eating premium, top shelf foods. I need some crap food also. i think I just got a bit excited and wanted to try all the bad stuff (pizza, ice cream, chocolate, ettc) at once. Nothing makes me sick or dump, wich makes it harder. I'm trying to learn balance between healthy and unhealthy....The bottom line is, I can't live my life only eating health foods. it just isn't going to happen. When I deprive myself too much, I end up binging on everything at once (like this past week).

Also, I do not do well on sugar free alternatives, including splenda products. Anything with artificial sweettners and a lot of artificial flavoring makes me extremely hungry. I'm probably one in a billion bypass patients that does better on sugar than splenda (or other artificial sweetners).

Thank you for talking it out...now I'm want to tell you what I know about this.

Let's look at the deprivation word.  What if you gain your weight back?  Wouldn't you feel deprived if you lost your healthy body?  I look at that junk food as "drugs".  Yep, drugs can be fun too but at what point do we realize that food/drugs put us back in our prison of obesity? I know you don't want to go back.  I know you haven't forgotten what it feels like to be in your pre-surgery body.

Junk food cravings can be totally forgotten.  Why can't you live on healthy food forever?  I know you don't want to choose junk food and return to the prison. 

This is what happened to me.  I would get below goal and "reward" myself with a Quarter Pounder with cheese.  Now I wouldn't allow myself to eat one when I got back up to goal but I WANTED one.  I WANTED ONE!   My rule is I get on the scale and if I'm not where I'm supposed to be I eat less, exercise more, drink more water....whatever it takes to get back to goal.  Once there I don't worry so much.  I found out that when I didn't eat the cheeseburger after a long amount of time that I totally forgot the craving.  I also know now that if I were to eat one the craving would return.  I finally got smart and quit eating them.  Even though I didn't allow myself to gain over goal, I was keeping that craving alive.  That's kind of silly for me to do you know?

When you allow yourself to eat those foods you keep the craving alive.  People say "just take a taste to get past the craving".  Would you tell an alcoholic to take a sip to get past the craving?  Before surgery I couldn't stop drinking Coke.  I knew I had to stop when I had surgery and to this day I cannot even remember what I was so excited about.  Sugar is one of the most addictive substances known to man.  Google sugar addiction and you'll see way more than you want.  If you eat sugar I would suggest you try to limit it. 

I don't want to say something to make you "go away".  I've seen this so many times.  I'm so glad that Molly shared what she's going through.  I promise you that this monster is real and if you don't handle it right now, you will let it get the best of you.  If you ever get in the mindset "I'll start tomorrow" you need to get help right away. 

Please consider what I'm saying.  We can change things little by little....even shift our thinking.  I've been watching people do this journey for almost ten years and every time someone comes to me and says "I've regained "X" number of pounds" it breaks my heart because sometimes they are actually MORE miserable than when they were at their top weight.  Now that seems impossible but when you look at all the clothes you used to get fit in and you start beating yourself up for letting it get out of hand, it is not good.  You begin to look at life through the "regain glasses" and everything changes.  It is not easy to stay at goal but it is easier to do a little effort every day than to have to tackle a large regain because it is much harder to lose it after weight loss surgery than before. 

Please tell me any reaction you have...I'd love to talk this out.  Food is a real addiction and if you start dipping into the "crack" junk food because you've told yourself you can't continue eating healthy, you will be in trouble.  IF you can do it occasionally and handle it...that's all good.  It is much harder that way however.  You've just gotten your life back and I know you want to keep it.  Let me know if I can help.

hugs, Y

Thank you so much Yvonne. I've actually been thinking about your reply for the past hour. I know you are right. I'm starting to go into a full blown relapse just because I had to have a little taste. I understand the alcohol analogy, because I used to drink a lot on top of binging, and I was hooked on more than 2 packs of cigarettes a day. i had all 3 addictions full blown before I even turned 21.  Now I've quit those habits (besides for my binging recently). I was 441 pounds 10.5 months ago. My lowest weight since surgery was 195. I'm 202 ponds now.  I don't feel the restriction like I used too, and I have been snacking a lot (mostly on healthy food, but junk also).

I think part of my overeating is also due to stress from having exces skin. I've lost ~240 pounds, but I am disgusted at how i look, so i feel like there's no point with weight loss anymore.

Thank you so much for replying.  Sweetie you are being absolutely normal.  You are also having the typical reaction for someone that is getting to the end of the honeymoon period.  It is a tricky time. You've already admitted to the addiction issues and that's GREAT!  Now we've got to get you to a safe place before you lose momentum.  Do you have any benefits where you have access to any professional therapy?  (It doesn't make you a bad person)  One of my best friends was bigger than you and lost 290 pounds.  He did finally have some plastic surgery but he didn't for a long time and looked great with his clothes on.  He was featured in one of the Big Medicine episodes.  I believe you saw his video on my you tube. 

You cannot start to see your glass as half empty and you can't let monsters get you.  There is more than the regain monster...there's the stinkin' thinkin' monster.  Think about where you were at 441 pounds.  All you wanted was that weight off right?  Now you're letting the stinkin' thinkin' start to set in and you're going back to your old friend.  You cannot depend on the restriction.  You have to change your lifestyle and your way of thinking or you will repeat the old patterns.  You've come so far.

I met my husband with lots of hanging skin. He loved me anyway and he fixed my skin. Skin doesn't make us leppers.  There is a way to deal with this but I do want to check on you getting some help.  I know I spent a lot of years dealing with pain that I numbed with food.  I had to learn to look it straight in the face and work through it by dealing with some stuff and that's what a pro could help you with.  You are really young to be going through all this and I want you to continue with the progress and not stop now.  Don't turn around and go back in the prison OK?  Reach out for the new life you have and look for the things that are good about it.  Get high on the stuff that you can do now that you couldn't before.  Get the junk food out of your house!  Remove the temptation.
Hang in there, Y

Molly-

Congratulations!! WOOHOOO... Thank you for sharing your story and for being an inspiration to others!  Keep it up..

Thanks so much Traci!

Molly