Afraid of dying

Hallo all, I don’t know if this is normal but I’m starting to get terribly anxious about my upcoming surgery.  I’ve always been afraid of dying and the thought of not waking up after the surgery or going through it just to get complications afterwards and not making it is such a scary thought to me.  I don't want to leave my 6 year old son alone without his mommy!  Is this normal?  What can I do to calm myself?  Do I have anything to worry about (seriously?)? I know that not having the surgery may also kill me.  I’ve decided to do it, but am just scared now... please send me happy thoughts!!

Sweetie-please let me assure you, your feelings are very valid, and ABSOLUTELY normal. I'd be MUCH more worried if you said you were NOT scared. I think part of it is that most WLS is "elective" surgery, in that we know ahead of time we are having it, in that, we know we are going to feel fine one day and like hammered crap for at least a few days afterward. Do SOME people have complications from surgery? Of course they do. That's true of ANY surgery. Do people die? Of course they die. Look in today's newspaper's -lots of dead people-but I'd be willing to bet you none of them died from having WLS surgery. Just try to keep your fears in perspective and your eyes on "the prize"..that PRIZE being the HEALTH to live and ENJOY life with your child.

WE are ALL going to die someday..somehow..someway..but none of us before we are SUPPOSED to..and all the worrying in the world will not change that (can you tell I'm a Hospice nurse????)...It is WONDERFUL that you can express your feelings and fears though. Many people find it helpful to write a letter of sorts to their loved ones, prior to surgery..to be opened "in the event I don't make it thru"...it gives them peace to let people know how much they love them ,etc...Some people find peace in prayer...YOU do whatever makes YOU feel more comfortable...

We are here for you!!!

Gina AKA Nurse Diva

Thank you so much for this wonderful message of hope! I feel better already. And yes, all you say is so very true!!! I get my up and down times. Times when I'm sooo very excited I want to scream and turn the clock on fast forward, and other times that I just want to cry and turn the clock back to before I gained all the weight that is now the course of me having to have this life changing surgery. It's true what you say that... I think because it is elective surgery, it makes it worse for me. Knowing I'm doing it to myself. But I look at you all, and can't wait to do it too!!!

Thanks again for the comforting message!

Sweetie one of the things I'd like to encourage you to let go of is any feelings of shame or blame or guilt about the past.  The past is gone and there's no need to beat yourself up any more right?  I know this from a lot of experience in beating myself up.  You will want to use all that energy to move forward.  Know that you are saving your life and in turn giving your son more of you in the end.  Gina deals with death on a daily basis and knows how precious life is.  Like Gina said, it is normal to be afraid.  When I had the surgery I wasn't really concerned because I didn't have kids and knew I couldn't continue living the way I was. 

I can't wait for you to be on the other side.  Any time you get nervous you just come here and talk to us!
hugs, Y

I think it is pretty normal... I know I had those thoughts and fears myself, but I also knew that if I didn't do it, I'd be lucky to be around to see my children grown.  

The day of surgery I cried here and there... and really lost it just before they wheeled me into surgery... I remember the nurses (that were all great) telling me it was okay to be nervous.  I was just so pissed at myself for getting to the point to where it had to come to surgery to fix me.  

I will keep you in my prayers!  *hugs*

Hey CF it is so normal to be nervous for So Many Reasons.  Getting put under was the scariest for me.  I actually looked forward to the afterward of the surgery. I was much more frightened about getting put under for  my total hip replacement (6-2-09) Than I was for my rny. 

 As for complications afterwards; you look like a young healthy woman, I beleive you chances of complications are minimal.  Follow your care plan to the "T" Like you've followed no other plan.

Use this time to start working your food program, and to start "Visualizing" how you want your new life (and Body) to look and feel. Focus on what "WILL BE" not what "could be".

Be Well

Hello my beautiful CosmicFlower...just checking on you.  How's it going???  We miss you!
hugs, Y

Hey there CosmicFlower!  I just want you to know that this is all very normal.  If you want, read some of my early blogs.  I felt very much the same way as you.  But one thing I did to calm myself was to look at the stats.  I am not sure the DS stats on fatalities, but I am sure it is about the same as RNY, which was less than 1% on a national average, and my doc was even like less than a half of a percent.  So the way I looked at it was "hey, there's more than 99% chance that I will be okay".  Those were pretty good odds to me :)  I always try to be a "glass is half full" type of guy and this helped me a lot.  I also tried to look at my chances of surviving at over 400 lbs.  I didn't like those odds very good.  I want to be there and live a long happy, healthy life with my wife and I didn't want to die at 40 from a massive heart attack.  I mean it when I say RNY saved my life.  I really don't think I would have made it past 40 the way I was going and now, after I have been out 4 months, the future seems wide open to me.  I have lost about 100 lbs so far and look forward to what my future hold.  Hang in there.  You can do it.   

Thank you all so very much for taking the time to reply!  I must say, that reading all your responses, really makes me feel much better!  Also, after visiting my doctors on Wednesday, I feel MUCH more relaxed about the op.  I know that I'm in THE BEST hands possible, and I have so many to live for.  Yes, I need to work on that half glass full mentality!  Yvonne, I'm doing very good thank you!  Did you get my last email?
I'm starting with my soft food diet tomorrow for a week.  So I'm busy preparing myself mentally, but it's difficult for me being a "food addict".  Very difficult when I think I'll have to give up my "comfort" - i.e. food - for the next couple of months.  But I know I have to do it!!!  Just busy sorting my head out!

I've scheduled another session with my psychologist for the day before my surgery, just to settle the nerves.  Going to see my loved-ones the night before surgery, and just for in case also going to write letters to them.  To say all I've always wanted to say...


Thanks again for the replies... I know I will live, and I know I will live in abundance!!!