Another New Member-meet Diane324

I wanted to post this because the introductions get lost in the intro thread so I'm reposting her introduction!

Hi - I'm Diane and I am excited about having a positive place to "hang out". I'm 6 months post RNY - I lost 79 pounds preOp and 65 pounds postOp. It's going slower than I would like, but it's going - and isn't that the whole point? I will be 42 years old tomorrow - the same day my son turns 14. I wish I had had WLS sooner, but I think I needed to be in the right place mentally to make the most of this new tool and I'm not sure I was there before now. I've come a long way on this journey since beginning as a preOp in January 2008 - and I'm not done yet. I am finding that as my body is shrinking (again, anyone else lost far more weight that they have every weighed over the years of losing and regaining?) my emotional being is doing a lot of growing and maturing. The person who used to "give in" and "back down" and be a "people pleaser" is now standing up for herself and doing what is best for me, and strugging to find the balance when I have to factor in the needs of my children, who are the only people's needs I will really consider along with my own. I spent a lot of years sacrificing my health to try to make my ex happy. I'm finding it hard to make myself a high priority in my own life.

I'm in a rough place in my life right now and finding it's tough to stay positive, so I'm hoping to find some strength in this group. I have two teenagers (14 and 19), I'm a single mom with no support from their Dad, financial or other. One kid is bipolar the other has Tourettes. Because of their constant fighting, DSS is now involved and I am fighing neglect and abuse charges because they had a fight the ended up in the older one being charged with assault and I'm to blame for not protecting the younger one - even though technically he caused the issues. It's a lot more complicated than that, but I don't want to dwell on it, just give you an idea of why things are difficult right now. Being broke doesn't help with the needing a lawyer and still being behind on bills from being laid off for 4+ months last year. I know that in the end, I will be ok - but I have also learned that it's OK to lean on people around me and say "I need a shoulder and boost my spirits right now."

I don't mean to sound whiney and negative - I have found the best way to let people know what I need is to be truthful and say "Hey, I'm struggling right now." For a lot of years I put on the pretend positive attitude on the outside while my inside crumbled (and my outside grew to 389 pounds). I am finding be balance between being positive and asking for support and encouragement when I need it.

So right now, I need some support and encouragement. And I have support and encouragement to offer right back - when I look at what I have accomplished in the last 2 years, even through some rough emotional times - losing 145 pounds is pretty great. That's about how much my 19 year old daughter weighs - so I've already lost a person (too bad the extra skin didn't go with that weight!) I wonder if they can donate the skin to burn victims when you have plastic surgery? It seems like such a waste to throw away all that skin - and would you get a discount if you did donate it? (Probably not, but what a nice thought!)

I hope to be adding my 6 month update soon, I have lots to be happy about with my weight loss journey. And I have been lucky enough to find a good job and a great boss who is supportive and accomodating about my need to flex my schedule for legal and counseling appointments. I believe this will be ok - without a supportive family or friends, I hope to find some strength and support here, remiding me that things will be ok. And if anyone has advice on this type of situation, please feel free to send me a PM. I would be happy to receive any advice, information or words of wisedom from anyone.

I'm a good mom who is dealing with a difficult siutation and I'm doing the best I can with kids with tough issues. It's not the black and white situation DSS (or CPS in some stats) would like to make it seem to be.

I hope you have a sense of who I am - and feel free to read some of my journal entries on here to learn more about me, and check out the changes in me so far. An old coworker didn't even recognize me a couple weeks ago. How funny is that?

Nice to meet you!! ~ Diane ~

Hey Diane!!
Happy Birthday to you and your son tomorrow!!

I too used to say that I wish I could have had WLS sooner but I know that everything happens for a reason and I Iearned so many things as an obese person that I never would have learned as a thin one.  While my friends were out partying and killing brain cells I was learning how to use a computer and do my art on it too.  I also learned to be a better employee because I had to be better as an obese person.  I never look back at that time in my life as a bad thing but as part of my life lessons.  Now I can use that knowledge with my new body and it worked out so much better this way.  I always say that we are only as old as the time we've spent in a smaller body because we start over socially.  We don't have any life lessons to draw from as a thinner person.

You are right about learning to ask more for yourself.  So many of us were and are "people pleasers" and finding a balance and doing things in moderation is a very freeing place to be.  You are more than welcome to talk all about the difficulties in your life.  I want to make sure and reinforce that this board is about the positive side but we talk about all aspects of our life.  I was tired of so much of the name calling and the bullies and that is what I am trying to change.  I certainly understand where you are coming from.  One of my brothers is a severe paranoid schizophrenic and the other suffers from chronic depression.  I cannot imagine what you must have to deal with on a day to day basis and we are here to support you in your journey.  There is nothing wrong with leaning on others and getting some of the stuff back that you've been doing for others for years.

Yes it would be a great idea to be able to donate skin but it doesn't work that way.  "They say" it isn't good because of the elasticity but who knows....it is the way it is.

I'll say this and you'll find some other members that believe this too...see yourself in that new position you want.  See that good boss and that good job and imagine being right there where you need to be.  Thank you for joining and thank you for sharing yourself with us.  I'm looking forward to so much more and as soon as I catch up on some other posts, I'm going to go look at those pictures!!!
hugs Y

Hi Diane,

It is nice to meet you.  I think you have done an awesome job with WLS...I am still trying to get there.

I am a teacher of 12-14 year olds and a mom too.  Girl that age is HARD to deal with and when you add the neurological complications...oh momma!!!!.....and nothing is black and white with humans....especially kids....hang in there....


This group is great about posative support.  But do not feel like you ever have to put on the positive smile and pretend its all great for us....becuase your right.... thats not the way to get your needs met....just know that no one will bully you or put you down....now they may give you advice that makes you think....and it might on a rare occasion be as uncomfortable as an intense therapy session....but you will always know it comes from a place of caring...and that is an increadable resource....I am so glad you are here.....you are amoung kidered spirits.

WELCOME DIANE! 

Glad to have you here with us! Each one of us have our internal & external struggles... that we have tried to battle with food... (we all know how well ..... that doesn't work)
we are here for you!


keep in touch!

JEllen

Hi again and thanks for the greetings and birthday wishes!

I had a good birthday - spent the day in Rochester with my son (who was also having his birthday)  - checked in with his neurologist - who is a specialist in the field of movement disorders (tourette's syndrome is a movement disorder - although he does swear when he becomes angry, he doesn't randomly blurt out words like on movies - and he does have random head/neck and leg tics). It's a lot of travel, but its only 2 or 3 times per year - and it's a nice overnight trip. The perks include a nice hotel for a "patient rate" with a hot tub and a PF Changs, where the lettuce wraps appetizer is WLS friendly (and delicious).

Many people left me Happy Birthday messages - and even the fact that my family treats me like crap went unnoticed most of the day. I'm reaching a point of acceptance and realizing that they aren't going to change, so why waste my time and energy hoping. I'm also realizing that it's ok to stay away and do my own thing at times when their negativity is just going to discourage or hurt me. I'd rather do somthing alone or with my kids and be happy and positive than end up leaving their house in tears over something that happened 20 years ago, or because I paid too much for tires!

My best birthday present was the scale dropping 3 pounds this week - after week of a pound at a time! I feel kind of recharged - I would love for things to pick up with the weight loss - but as long as the scale moves down and doesn't move up ... I'm not going to complain. That's just asking for trouble. 41 pounds to Onderland ... haven't seen a weight beginning with a 1 since my age began with a 1 LOL!

I hope everyone is having a good week - it's kind of rainy here in upstate NY, but we had a whole week of sunshine and warm weather that was very out of character. I wouldn't mind if that weather came back - but we don't get that kind of weather here in the spring. Or even in the summer some years.

Have fun everyone!
Hugs - Diane

Hi there Diane, and happy birthday a day late. Glad you found your way in here, I think you'll like these people! Sorry to hear about your challenges... sucks not to be trusted when you're doing your level best as a mom.

Will we see you in group Monday night? 

Thanks Greg - yes - I am planning to be there. Family Court interrupted my plans on the 15th - but I'm headed up Monday - with a couple bags of clothes! Just dropped another pant size - that makes a full 10 sizes, if you say the original sizes fit - which, lying down and sucking in, they kind of did.

I followed you over to this board and lurked for a few days - and felt it was a good place for me - there's a lot to be said for surrounding yourself with positive energy to get through rough times and to share the good times. And even when we are at our worse - there's usually someone else who can use our love and kindness and giving always makes me feel better. 

I really believe in all of the things "that which doesn't kill us, makes us stronger" and "God doesn't give us more than we can handle" and "when a door closes, a window opens". Sometimes, we do need to be reminded of these things - and our Support Group and the people on OH have been my best source of strength and support since I started this journey with our beloved Dr. M almost 1 1/2 years ago. I've lost a whole person SO FAR (although I still have her skin .... ) and I'm inching closer to a weight I'm not embarassed of! Everything in time - and I'm learning every step of the way. I am becoming the person I am supposed to be - and despite the thoughts that I wish I had done this sooner - I believe that this was the right time for me - and I may not have been successful before now.

Wow - my goal weight is 76 pounds away!  That means I have already lost 2/3 of the weight I set out to lose - and my goal weight includes whatever ends up coming off through plastic surgery! I know that I may end up changing that goal when it gets closer - I don't aspire to be a size 4 (I love and respect all of you tiny postOps out there, I'm just being realistic about what I can achieve) I am taking everything 10 pounds at a time. Everytime that scale drops another decade on the scale - as it's about to go into the 230s soon - I just get glowy and excited! Knowing that once it goes into the 230s, it will never be in the 240s again ... and the magical day that weight starts with a ONE! I guarantee you will all hear my shouts of JOY from your homes.

So, thanks for the warm welcomes from everyone.  I'm looking so forward to getting to know more of you!
Hugs and love,
Diane

Welcome Diane!  :)