Hello everyone!

Hello everyone.  I just wanted to stop in and say hello and thank you for letting me join your group.  It actually took me a few to figure out how to post here, but I finally figured out I had to click that "discussion" link on the side there :) 

But I just wanted to stop by and introduce myself.  I think having a positive attitude helps you thru the recovery process and ensures your future success.  Thank you Yvonne for accepting my request to join this group and I look forward to participating in the discussions here.

Take care and talk to you all soon!

Brad T. 

Hey Brad!!! I'll make sure and put something to explain that part about hitting discussion.  We are so glad you are here and we talk about everything!  You could not be more correct about the recovery process and the success of your future.  As I often say I spent 30 years in the mud of negativity because of my obesity and it's hard to lose those old habits of beating ourselves up so we certainly don't need any help in that area.  I've been on OH for a long time and I've never seen the level of negativity get to where it is now on some of the forums and other forums on other sites as well. 

For the members that don't know Brad was featured in the OH newsletter last time!  So glad you're here!!
hugs, Y

p.s. Please feel free to ask anything.  I've mentored several guys through this process and if it's not happening yet, you'll find the women will be coming out of the woodwork.  Be careful...I've seen a lot of guys really mess some stuff up because we are all vulnerable when we are new.  We're like little babies in the world of "normal people land".  It's a different place for sure!

Thanks Y, yeah I am married happily for almost 10 years, and I really do not want to do anything to mess that up.  I love my wife more than anything and don't want to do anything to lose her trust.  I guess I have been pretty sheltered so far, since I haven't been back to work.  It's definitely going to be an interesting situation when I do go back (Sometime after April 15) and I will have lost a lot of weight.  There was already a woman at work who seemed to have a thing for me, I just tried to blow it off and I told her I was happily married.  I really have no intention on ever getting naked in front of anyone but my wife for as long as I live :) It was hard enough for me to do that!  I am a shy guy when it comes to that!

So hopefully it will not be an issue, but if it does happen, you will be the first person I come to :)

Thanks again for allowing me into your family here, I really love what you are doing and believe whole heatedly in positive re-enforcement! 

I am so happy you responded and I want to give you a heads up on some stuff.  First, realize that your wife will need some extra attention because she will see all your friends and family and being a normal human being it will be downright intoxicating to you.....even if you're shy.  She will need some reassurance that she will not lose you and that you will always love her and especially because she was there for you at your heaviest.  Secondly, when you go to support group the women ARE going to hit on you.  Guess what? When you tell them you are happily married and have been for ten years it's like a moth to a flame.  Some of these women will see you as one of the last great catches (even though you are married) and there's another reason men that are post-op get chased so much.  Some of the post-op women haven't dated in years and they figure that a man that is post-op will understand their sagging skin so male post-ops are often open season.  With that being said, please do not let this stop you from attending support groups because they are good for you. 

This is also not meant to slam post-op women.  Some are very confused and vulnerable and are starting to feel attractive for the first time in their lives and it's like letting a caged tiger out after being cooped up for decades.  Here's some good advice.  When you go to support group stuff and you are put in a "party" atmosphere like some of the events we have, make sure your wife is there or don't go.  As a post-op (if you choose to drink at some point) we get drunk much faster and there's a great saying..."If you hang around a barbershop long enough eventually you'll get a haircut".  Please trust me on this one.

I firmly believe that education is key so I want to get you started out right from the beginning and show you where some of those speedbumps are.
hugs, Y

Thanks Y, you make some very valid points, honestly hadn't thought that much about it... but you are right.   

Yeah, I haven't been to any support meetings yet, I honestly don't know if I want to go to them.  It is way easier to use a site like OH to be my support group.  I'm a fairly private person in my real life and do not know if I would be able to talk about the things I do here, openly in a support type situation.  I feel good and feel like I am doing good and feel I get great support right here at home.  I haven't felt I have "needed" a support group as of yet.  I was invited to a DS support group by a fellow OH friend from the Dayton area.  She said they have meetings every month or so and I was welcomed to join them and I said I may do that one day... still not sure yet.  But I look at it like church.  I don't feel the need to go, but I am glad they are there in case I do need them one day. :)   

Thanks for taking the time to chat with me and show me the ways :)  It's really awesome that someone as yourself who has been there and done that, would stick around and still help out us noobs.  I for one really appreciate it!  Keep the advice comin'!

You are right.  This will work perfectly for a support group but you have to participate.  You will also be responsible for monitoring your weight.  The girls are usually more serious about that part and when you get past the honeymoon period we can visit weight accountability again.  It is very very VERY important to address problems when they are small.  It is important to make your lifestyle changes and make them now.   I don't know enough about your journey yet but little things like "I'll just eat one M&M".  Then it turns into 2, 3 and so on.  You can actually make yourself build an immunity.  My trick to cravings is to not eat the stuff I shouldn't eat.  The others have heard my analogy a bunch of times but I'm saying it again.  If you were to tell an alcoholic to just take a sip of a beer to get past the cravings....well you get it.  The sipping (the tasting) keeps the cravings alive.  After a while you won't even miss the thing you thought you couldn't live without.

Part of the reason that I stick around is because it helps me get out of my head and my head can be a very scary place sometimes.  That's what got me in the place I used to be.  Telling you the part about your wife and the post-ops could help save your marriage.  There is entirely too little info out there about this part.  I've seen marriages split because they were never told this stuff and it didn't have to happen.  I've seen people regain their weight and end up being more miserable than when they weighed 300 pounds.  If I can help anyone avoid the crap that messes up your life I'd be here 24/7.   When I look at the keyword searches on my blog and see "wls and suicide" more that once or twice a week it just destroys me.  WLS can truly be a second chance in life but if you don't take it seriously it can mean death too.  When you lose all that weight you kind of have to start over and that first year is the wildest.  I've sat across a table from someone that said "all I want to be is healthy...don't care about trying to look like a model".  Then a few months later I see them drunk and doing pole dancing at a party.  At the moment they first told me that, they really meant it but you never know what's going to happen when you take your new race car out for a ride.  I've heard some post-ops talk about things they did and can't believe it.  Actually I've seen as much as I've heard about!

Stick close to us...there's much to learn.  If you have a chance, check out my blog too.  I started this group because things were getting out of hand on some of the other forums.  We're trying to save our lives here.  I lived in the negativity for years and I'm done.  I've also found the ones that are truly successful at this journey are positive and supportive people.  We have a job to do and that's to stay on the road....heading toward what we want most in the world.  Stopping to fight the bullies along the way only slows our progress.  Surround yourself with winners and you'll be a winner too!
hugs, Y

Hi Brad... welcome to the site... nice folks around here... feel free to post any ole time you like...

Yvonne,  - it is so true about the vultures out there... (that's what I call them).. I've never had so many men speak to me in the grocery store as I have had these last few months. Even if it is just... excuse me- to pass by... they would just push past before.... apparently people don't feel the need to proper manners when dealing with PEOPLE who happen to be obese!

Hi JEllen, it is very nice to meet you!

Likewise.... 
BTW... have you met Chris?  He is another amazing success story! Furthermore... he is also a devoted family guy and super positive!
I think you guys would be very encouraging to each other....

I SO AGREE!!