OT: Sorta need a boost today......

I sort of 'suspended' my relationship with my current boyfriend today.  He would often tell me things about the women from his failed relationships, with a sort of longing in his voice for these women who treated him badly.  The ironic thing is that he also complained that women seem to want to be treated badly, but won't commit to a relationship with a good man.  The reason this is ironic?  Because that's how I see what he's doing.  He doesn't recognize that he's with a good woman now: me!  I feel like I have a peculiar genius for finding emotionally unavailable men. 

Basically, I told him that when he figured out what he was losing, he should call.  Til then, I just couldn't bear it.  I told him that I've come too far to feel badly, like I don't measure up somehow to these women in his past.  Tell me - I have a Master's Degree, a career path that matches, I own my own home, I own my car, pickup, motorcycle, and camper outright, I have little unsecured debt, a good sense of style, I'm mature, emotionally stable, affectionate, and generous.  Even though I'm a professional, my mother raised me to be a farm wife, so I can clean, decorate, garden, sew, can, pickle, jam, jelly, cook, and bake with the best of them.  I have raised my children, who are both degreed and successful in their careers/lives.  Our relationships are strong and mature.  I am moral and care about my community.  What gives?  What does a man want?

Forgive me.  I am worn down today.  And I need a boost.  Thanks.

 

You are right YOU DO NOT MEASURE UP to his previous women!

YOU SURPASS THEM! 

He is NOT worth your time.

He  knows you are out of his league! 

Better to cut your losses than continue to invest your time & energy banging your head against the wall with this guy!!!

 it feels so much better when you stop!

Judy,

Yup, I'm sorta hanging on a precipice, not wanting to fall, because I know it's not safe down there.

Thanks for your good words.  I appreciate you, my friend!  I needed that!

Kathy

No Forgiving necessary.  We all need support now and then.

I have to say it sounds like you are absolutly right about him. Many people project on others what they themselves are really doing.  I have to tell you, you sound like one hell of a woman. Shoot if I wasn't married I would go out with you....lol. Seriously though you deserve someone *****ally does deserve you and will know what they have once they get you.  I don't think it really matters what a man want's, it matters what you want. I do not mean that in a selfish way,  I mean it like in order to take care of our loved ones we must care for ourselves first. I hope that makes sense.

I have to ask you, you have said all these positive things about yourself, are you feeling them?

Thanks so much for your kind words........... I really appreciate it!

I get your point about knowing what I want.  The problem with this guy is that I really like him a lot.  I could fall very easily.  

I think I have always struggled with my self-esteem.  I have a lot of accomplishments, but I think I give myself less credit than I should.  When I was growing up, nothing was ever good enough.  So, even now, I am hounded by a sense of inadequacy. I have all this stuff I can point to, but I wonder.  So many times you hear people drawn together by je ne sais quois (that indefinable "I don"t know what").  And I think - I am so practical and pragmatic.  Motherly and dependable.  There's no will o' the wisp here.  I think I am missing that indefinable quality.  Too much substance, not enough ethereal whatever.....  and that seems to be the thing that draws men to women. 

It's beyond my understanding.

I have made it an absolute rule in my life to never tell a friend whether or not they should stay or leave a realtionship, that is just to much responsibility!!! What I do like to ask them;  if your best friend were in this relationship, knowing exactly what you know about it, what would you tell her/him?? What would be your advice looking in?

Kathy, remember that you are so new in this "normal people land" and I too was drawn for years to the emotionally unavailable.  I still struggle with self esteem.  Remember that you are still learning to drive this new race car you're in.  There's no need to hurry and setttle.  Oh my God have I seen that happen hundreds of times.  Consider this man a life lesson in getting back into dating.  It is tricky and new and you need to get some time under your belt so to say.  Life is never simple nor easier because we are thinner.  We are all pretty sure that losing the weight will make us happy but it is a short fix.  Kathy you ARE a winner and there's someone out there for you and it doesn't have to happen right away.  I was very lucky to find a good man right after reaching goal but it is a rare deal. 

I want you to make some index cards and write down each of those great qualities and I'd love for you look at them every morning and really think about what they mean.  It's a way to start pushing out the stinkin' thinkin'.  You are the catch of a lifetime girlfriend!