WLS Success-through Powerful Positive Attitudes

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So very proud of our Mrsfrogdr

Yvonne McCarthy
on 1/31/10 5:07 am - Plano, TX
So many words over so many years that I have written....taking the crap for taking up for the cruelty aimed at others (like Carnie in this case).  I wondered....where is the compassion for us...the ones with the common thread of trying to beat this crappy disease of obesity.  Why is is necessary for some to say something bad about someone else to make themselves look better?? (or appear to look better).  Then I read this beautiful post by our mrsfrogdr.  She outed herself about food abuse and laxatives and then she quoted several things I wrote (so nice to be listened to).  She expressed her fear of being judged about talking about being a success, failure and fears.  She cut an artery open and gave it all to us.  Then she so kindly and possibly for the first time mentioned that I care about all of those people, the ones that regain or struggle...and Vitalady too.  And then perhaps the best part of all....she said not to berate or hate the ones that haven't had the success you've had.  How brave that statement was.  Unfortunately there are those that hate and berate the ones that have had more success than others do too.   What a kind, compassionate and classy response.  I know when I hang with Dawn (mrsfrogdr) that I am hanging with the winners...just like the many members of this group.  I just wanted to share this with everyone here in case it was missed.  I know it made me feel vindicated for so much I have said for so many years and to know that because I have found "like minded" compassionate and empathetic people right here at WLS Success jthat it inspires me to be a better person....a better person to continue fighting the fight and helping the unique and beautiful souls that come to this place to save their lives.  Don't worry mrsfrogdr, we won't let you go through this alone and I'll make sure you hear more stuff like "sex in a plate" so that we can educate you on your journey of success.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart....you made my day...my month....maybe my year.  I am so grateful for you and I know you'll be one of those that will make it because you've got an army behind you.  Many blessings and hugs, Y


It was this thread:
http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/amos/4112314/How-Much-Did- Carnie-Wilson-Regain/

Post Date: 1/31/10 10:30 am

 I was very tiny as a child and remember my parents always encouraging me to eat more so I would not "blow away", but I also remember eating so many speghettios at 3 that I threw up,  sneaking ex-lax at 4 because I thought it was chocolate, and hiding in the closet at 5 because I could not stop eating after just one piece of Valentine's day candy. I have never had a healthy relationship with food.   I do not know why.  My childhood was normal, no trauma and yet the food abuse/addiction started very early. At 3-5 years old I had problems with food and now realize it is a deep seated problem with perhaps biological not psychological roots.   I loved the "sex in a plate" comment because that is exactly what food has been for me for a very long time.
I am one of the few that will say...Food does not need to get right with me....I need to get right with it!!! 


Sure I have gotten myself under control and taken responsibility for my choices, lost the weight, and promised my self never to let myself lose control again (and yep...my food was always boring during those times of success - I think that may be a big key Yvonne). Told others how they could do it too.  I have done it several times and ended up right where I started a year or two later.  I realize I have no control over food and know that surgery is not going to fix that. I am struggling with some of my preop changes and at first I was worried the changes were too easy, not enough, but now its getting hard and that is scary to me.  I know that when I have surgery that I will lose weight but keeping it off is what has me really worried.   I don't want to be a failure and I don't want to be judged as a whiner because I choose to talk about my success, failures, and fears.  I have the knowledge of addiction and cross addiction and there are support groups aplenty and yet I realize, the addiction may still win.  I think that fear is healthy and hope I never lose it completely. 

I have seen longtime veterans with close to 10 years of success or more (like Yvonne) treat those that have regained with respect and offer genuine help and positive support.  Even Vitalady, the real WLS goddess (IMO) has admitted that it is not too hard to slide back into the old ways.  
If you are fortunate enough to break free, thank GOD, celebrate, live life to the fullest you can...but don't hate or berated those that do not have the success you have.   Even if they are whiners or drama queens in your eyes.  They have enough pain and guilt with out you adding to it, even if they are a public figure and the rest of the world feels they are fair game.

 

Open RNY 3/30/01  260lbs - 130lbs Yvonne McCarthy, CLC. Health & Wellness Coach (full time volunteer). I am happy to help if I can. Visit www.bariatricgirl.com and see the Bariatric Girl blog!  Also check out my Facebook Bariatric Girl Page Photography site www.yvonnemccarthy.com     .„ø¤º°¨ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ¨°º¤ø„¸¸„ø¤º°¨„ø¤º°¨ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ¨°º¤ø„¸¸„ø¤º°¨

Miss Redd
on 1/31/10 6:19 am - Lancashire, United Kingdom
I had to reply to the Mrsfrogdr earlier. I was VERY inspired by her words and her honesty. It's SO very helpful to be that honest-but it's not easy. That is right-she opened up for all to see-out of the compassion of her own heart. I REALLY admired her post!!!

Peace,
T

Pre Surgery 383 Surgery 359 Current 180

NEW YOUTUBE Channel!


 

mrsfrogdr
on 1/31/10 6:34 am
Glad to vindicate you....I know how validating it is when others illustrate kindness by standing shoulder to shoulder with you....as far as my own success...I may need an army to stand between me and the food...as far as speaking out...I think it is a compulsion too...but atleast it can be helpful at times.
Big Frog Kisses,           
 DAWN   
                 
 
                            
Yvonne McCarthy
on 2/2/10 4:18 am - Plano, TX
I am proud to stand shoulder to shoulder with you and we'll make the biggest army possible to stand between you and your food.  I have always described it like a line of us walking hand in hand with the vets in the front reaching back for the medium post-ops and them reaching back for the newbies.  The vets pass on the info to those behind them and they keep passing it down the line.  And we do it together....we may come from all different walks of life but we are all beautiful and blessed children of this earth.  We are all one.  Actually one of the things I love about getting together for events are watching people sit in a room with types of people they would never otherwise come in contact with and guess what?  They find out they are people too.  We have a lot of black and white thinking in our group.  You can judge someone over one little thing and then just throw the baby out with the bath water. I always say  "If you don't like a certain thing about someone, don't worry about it, you don't have to marry them".  We need to learn what we can and then learn to celebrate our differences.  You cannot imagine how often it happens to me.  I had a lady tell me that even after reading some of my posts that she saw my picture and she just assumed that I was a "blonde skinny *****".  She apologized to me and said she was sorry I was wrong.  The beauty of this group is that members get to know me and they get to know my heart.  I might be blonde and I might be skinny but I really believe ***** does not describe me...not because I'm nice....but because I'm a too much of a wimp to say much to anyone!  Thanks for your input!
hugs, Y

Open RNY 3/30/01  260lbs - 130lbs Yvonne McCarthy, CLC. Health & Wellness Coach (full time volunteer). I am happy to help if I can. Visit www.bariatricgirl.com and see the Bariatric Girl blog!  Also check out my Facebook Bariatric Girl Page Photography site www.yvonnemccarthy.com     .„ø¤º°¨ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ¨°º¤ø„¸¸„ø¤º°¨„ø¤º°¨ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ¨°º¤ø„¸¸„ø¤º°¨

(deactivated member)
on 1/31/10 12:25 pm - NY
Wow Dawn,
    That definitely was inspiring. I saw some similarities in our childhood as well. I do feel this is a disease/addiction that will always be there. We just have to put the day to day work in ....one step at a time. We are ALL human and no one is infallible. We should be treating everyone with respect because you never know when we may be walking their same path.

Well done Dawn
_Suzy_
on 2/2/10 12:41 am - Lawrenceville, GA


Thanks for re-posting Yvonne.  I had missed this one.  

Awesome, Dawn.  Just awesome.  And I totally relate to you = I loved food as a young child and lots of different kinds of food.  Thanks to my mom I never got fat as a child - she kept a very watchful eye on it (as she was obese).  But the demons were there for me early on.


I have to say that I don't understand the desire for anyone here to be mean or nast to anyone else...or say mean things about others....  I guess it's just the nature of message boards - but very disheartening. 

There was a posting from someon about Carnie Wilson where the poster referred to Carnie as a "load" and I almost posted something Mean to HER...but I hit cancel instead.  It just doesn't make any sense - if you have nothing nice to say - Move on.

Suzy
Suzy


Start Weight     309    
Surgery              301
Current               206

O M G - I am down over 100#.  



    
Yvonne McCarthy
on 2/2/10 4:35 am - Plano, TX

Suzy, I'm so glad you canceled it because it only brings you down to their level.  That person is an unhappy person and the saying "misery loves company" means exactly that.  I've used this analogy so many times and please excuse me if I repeat myself but I look at it like we are walking a road toward our goal...not goal weight so much but that's part of it.  We are walking toward the thing we want most in our lives and when these little things pop up that are negative and mean you should just walk on by and don't veer off course because you are only allowing them to rent space in your head.  They are either looking for a reaction or they are saying something that they believe will make them popular with others.  Putting someone down to make yourself look better is never a reason to do it.  It is the basis of all prejudice and bigotry.  In my recipe for life I talk about that you never know what someone else's journey is until you walk in their shoes.  Don't we have enough work to do on keeping our side of the street clean than to put someone else down?  Carnie has struggled but you know what?  If Carnie hadn't been so public I wouldn't have had the surgery.  She saved my life because I was truly on my way to finding a way to check out.  The pain was too great.  I had lost my mom and she was the most beautiful, kind, gracious and angelic being this earth ever lost and she loved me no matter what size I was.  I was angry when she was taken and I took it out on myself and I ate more than I ever did and I didn't care if I lived or died.  Thanks to Carnie I am not only alive but thriving and then on top of that I am paying it forward to help others that want to live!  She started this little ripple in a pond that became a wave that turned into a tsunami called Yvonne the weight loss surgery advocate.

The other thing is....when people are cruel and nasty, they don't realize that they are sabotaging their success.  A mean, nasty, unhappy person stresses their body and guess what that does?  It throws your body into starvation mode and it hangs on to every calorie with a vengence.  There are a few that are thin that are mean but I think you'll find that many of the more vocal negative post-ops are not successful in any aspect.  So when you see the crappy, negative stuff....change channels because the moment you allow it to raise your blood pressure, you will hurt yourself.  You can be compassionate by thinking "Thank God I don't have to live in that person's head" and then move on and find a post you can contribute to that is positive.  It works I promise!
hugs, Y

Open RNY 3/30/01  260lbs - 130lbs Yvonne McCarthy, CLC. Health & Wellness Coach (full time volunteer). I am happy to help if I can. Visit www.bariatricgirl.com and see the Bariatric Girl blog!  Also check out my Facebook Bariatric Girl Page Photography site www.yvonnemccarthy.com     .„ø¤º°¨ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ¨°º¤ø„¸¸„ø¤º°¨„ø¤º°¨ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ¨°º¤ø„¸¸„ø¤º°¨

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