Frustrated and hurt

I wish there was a little orange Hunger doll. I would love to get one.

I love the commercials with the mop.LOL

Krysti I just clicked on your name to see where the link would take me  this time. I Love it.... I so wish there was a class here. It reminds me of when I was young and for a very brief time thin.I just lost all my extra weight and  I would  go dancing every weekend in the late 80's. I would dress up where I thought I looked Hot( Well for back then maybe.. of course my stepdaughters would laugh if they ever saw a picture) and dance the whole night. I would do aerobics during the week as well. I loved to move to music. Now I would hurt my knee. I have two left feet but I still like to move
Maybe there will be Zumba in my future. Someone has to  teach me the butt shake. I have enough booty ...I just crack up trying to do it.....not a pretty sight.

So many great responses but Miss Redd was so great!!!  She asked some of the same questions I would love to ask.  I'm sure your husband has noticed how much his life has changed.  I'm sure he's noticed that he gets more attention from the opposite sex.  I'm sure he is not comfortable with thoughts of the same things happening to you.  He may not even be conscious of his sabotage type behavior.  Not only is he probably worried about you receiving more attention, he is probably worried that he could lose you.

It is so important to talk.  Resentment is one of the emotions that "we" as addicts cannot afford.  It will poison our relationships.  Instead of being angry and resentful, I would so suggest that you make him feel wanted and appreciated.  "Thank you for getting me (that thing I can't eat)  and I appreciate you doing something for me but most what I need from you is your support on my diet.  I love you and need you and I need your support and love".  Tressa it would be hard for me even not to feel some resentment because he went first and he's got his and it's time for you to get yours!  He may also be afraid that he will fail and not get back on track which means again that he may worry about losing you.

Tressa I have seen many relationships go wrong after WLS and sometimes it's over the tiniest bit of miscommunication.  It usually goes like this. The woman loses a bunch of weight and she's hearing from EVERYONE how great she looks and she's on cloud 9 and her husband is feeling left out because she's getting all the attention and he's not part of it.  He starts to withdraw and she's thinks he doesn't notice.  The resentment builds and builds and all that was needed was her paying some attention to him and for him to be first in line telling her how great she looks.  I feel very strongly that your husband is afraid he is not doing well on his journey (needing to get back on track).  He certainly wouldn't want you to be sliding through with flying colors....again subconsciously.  Men don't do well with fear....especially when it comes to the possible loss of his wife's love.  I think you should sit down and tell him that you love him and you aren't going anywhere but you need his support and what a beautiful thing for you guys to do this together.  Another thing though....you cannot be codependent about your journeys.  Yours is yours and his is his.  If he fails his, you cannot let it effect your journey because if you fail it will do no one any good for both of you to fail.  Make your food choices black and white.  That means that if he buys something he's not supposed to eat, you have to be strong and say "please, if you are going to sabotage your success, I need some respect and that means not eating that in front of me".  In other words, it's not OK, it's not posted on the fridge, it's out.  Not allowed in the house or to be eaten in front of you.  Be tough girl.  Don't let it slide. You've got to talk about it and not "around" it but you can do it with love but with determination.  Does this make sense?
hugs, Y

Thanks everyone for being there. Things have been going along much better. He seems to be excited about his journey as well as mine now. I don't know if being off track was bothering him but he is doing well now and more supportive. He is not one to spill the beans on his thoughts and feelings. Its usually a slow drawn out process to get at what really is bothering him. He hates confortation ...who does...and if he thinks someone close to him wont like what he has to say he doesn't speak up. He is always telling me he is not a mind reader and I have to laugh because I feel that's what I need to be with him at times. We have been talking  and I tried being reassuring for him and letting him know how important this is to me as well. I think he had some of his own issues he was working out in his head. I will try to be more aware of how I phrase things when I dont particulary like something  so we can keep communication open. This Mars/Venus thing is difficult at times. LOL  But we definitely want to move forward "together" in this process.

Tressa Ü

Yep, the Mars/Venus thing is a reality. And you're right....the whole being off track may have been bothering him and he may not have even known it consciously.  Men don't take failure very well and he could have started feeling like he was the one that was going to fail and misery loves company.  Can you imagine that he might be thinking....I'm going to fail but my wife will not and now I'll lose her.  You can't read minds and yet he doesn't help you much in that aspect.  We have a saying that "rarely are we upset for the reasons we think" so he could be acting out and it's not even about what it seems like.  My dad was the type that was so man like that "give me a task and I'll fix it".  If he couldn't fix it, it was a difficult process for him because he didn't know how to deal with it then.   

We love you girl, keep us posted OK?
hugs, Y