Frustrated and hurt

I'm sorry but I needed to vent and some advice. My husband,who is my best friend and love of my life, is making things a little difficult for me. He had WLS one year ago. He is down about 120 lbs (YEAH!!) and has about 50-60 to go. So he is quite familiar with this process. I have a presurgical diet that has to be started at least 2wks prior to surgery. I started mine when i got it at 3 weeks out. The first week I have lost 6 lbs. I am working out and trying my best. I have my diet on my fridge so we can refer to it. He even said he would get back on track and do it with me. Well he keeps bringing food in I cant have, lets not go there that he cant have it as well, and offers it to me. He also hints at me skipping a work out here or there for some reason or other. He doesn't work out so we cant do it at the same time. I did speak to him and tried to let him know how I feel and asked if he wants certain food keep them at work. I was supportive of him can he try with me....I thought this was straightened out but today at church, we have a coffee shop there, he came back from the men's room with a kudos bar. Here he said I got this for you. I figured you would get hungry and need it. UUUUGGGHHHH!!!! I wanted to cry. Then I wanted to scream. After service I handed it back to him and stated I know its only 100 cal but I'm sure the sugar and carb content is high and my diet is 8oz of skim milk for snack. He took it to the car and then ate it right before we went into the grocery store. I'm angry at him for sabotaging my efforts and his own. I have spoken to him several times. Some nice and some unfortunately quite emotional. How do I get through to him. I've realized I have to do this on my own but with him a year ahead of me I thought there would be more help not hindrances. I dont want to be a nag and I'm concerned about his health as well as my own. Anyone been there before who can give me some advice????

Thanks for letting me vent
Tressa

I have not had the same cir****tance but my husband has been buying me junk food lately and I am getting suspicious of his motives....hugs....

Tressa,
I'm so sorry that you had to post a message like this one. It is never fun nor is it right for someone that is so close to you to sabotage your efforts. When I was on a diet my MIL brought over some frosted cupcakes for my kids because she said she knew they would be starving since my husband and I was on a diet. God was I mad but nonetheless I kept with my plan and didn't eat them.

I feel it may be a good idea to have a heart to heart talk with him and look in his eyes so he knows your damn serious. The way he is treating you is not fair. I think if you tell him what he is doing and how it makes you feel may be a lightbulb moment for him. Maybe he's not seeing that what he is doing is sabotaging your efforts? But please have a heart to heart talk with him and get all the feelings out on the table.

God bless and keep up the fight to a healthier life Tressa.

Sharon

"he came back from the men's room with a kudos bar. Here he said I got this for you. I figured you would get hungry and need it."

I think I would just be suspicious of any Candy bar that came out of a men's room!!!

All kidding aside you need to talk with your husband. Verbalize Verbalize Verbalize it is so important for you and for him. 

EEEWWWW I definitely would not touch it from the men's room.LOL. No the coffee shop does offer some little treats which I have walked on by for quite some time. I figure If I don't look I can't be tempted. Although they do have awesome bagels and lattes.

Thanks for the replies. I am going to talk with him again.

Tonight he was great  with our dinner choices.  He loves to cook so he did that but I stayed in the kitchen to prepare some of the food and keep an eye on what he was doing. Sometimes he adds things that are not on my list.,but seriously he was great and very supportive. It will just be once in awhile when he would out of the blue turn into the orange monster from WW and tempt me with food or other activities when I want to exercise. I'm trying to figure out if he realizes he is doing this. He has always been one to give me little surprise treats before I started this journey so maybe he is not thinking and going by habit. I just have to let him know I appreciate he displays of love but I need to do things differently .

I happen to like that little orange monster...I wish they had not made him cute...I can't take the comercials seriously...its like the baby come back mop...i feel bad for the mop

I feel bad for the mop STILL and I moved from America a YEAR ago to England-and haven not seen that commercial in that much time! LOLOL

Hi Tressa,

Oh man. I bet this really bites for you. You two were like best friends and he had his surgery and you are amping up and I suspect he is panicking inside. He knows you as the old Tressa-the comfy shoe..the one that he is familiar with.

In what ways has your hubby changed since his surgery? Ask him that too. What is it that he is fearful of-because I doubt it is anything BUT fear related.

It sounds like he REALLY loves you and is REALLY scared to have the old way of life and the old Tressa be over. See-it doesn't always matter that they have walked down the same road you are about to walk down-some folks just aren't as good as others at putting the shoe on the other foot.

In this case you may have to find ways to illustrate how it feels and he may have to find ways to dig a bit deeper to name those feelings that are causing his less than positive actions.

YOU can do this-regardless of what he brings home. But I do hope you two can work this one out. I put money on the fact that you two CAN work it out. You seem very close to each other.

Hugs-hang in there. It can be emotional at times for real!

Peace,
T

I am running out the door for my dad's birthday lunch but  have so much to say and this is very telling.  It's OK to vent, that's what we are here for but I believe I've got a solution or at least an explanation and I'll be worrying all day until I can get back!!  Know that he loves you and it's not personal in the way you think.  Hang in there sweetie and I'll give you some option ok? It will be later this afternoon but I have seen it so many times!! 
big hugs, Y

I agree with others, you definitely have to be able to talk about this and verbalize your feelings.  This road will be long and you definitely need his support!  Or at least, that is how I see it.  The ones closest to us really need to be supportive and on board with what we are doing.

Good luck to you!!  *warm hugs*