One last FAT trip

I have been focusing on getting ready for surgery and thinking about all the fun I would have when I am thin. Planning trips and new wardrobes....oh the dreams.... I had almost left the feeling of being the fattest one in the room behind.  And then I recieved a one ....two....combo punch and now I am down on the mat in all my blubbering glory.


First it was the neighbors, with a last minute invitation to a birthday party...no real way to get out of it gracefully.  So, I get as spiffy as I can and head over with my family.  There I am in a houseful of their freinds and family...all strangers to me...the fatest person (not just female) and feeling akward and conspicuous...not fun....I have a really hard time meating new people as it is.

Then my husband informs me of a business trip to Vegas next month and on one hand I am excited to get to go with him for some couple time but on the other I thought my fat travel days were over...I know we would both have so much more fun if I was thinner and felt better in my own skin...

so,  I am thinking the typical...what can I wear that won't look too old, fat, and dowdy....I start looking at layne b....and of course I realize I might feel better with clothes that are not as worn out as my current wardrobe...but I am still gonna be fat ...and I don't wanna spend any money on big clothes....I was trying to get by till I could buy smaller clothes... 

Why can't my time line be better????

I understand what you are going through... it STINKS!
however, you do know that there IS an end in sight to all this.

You'll have your surgery and start feeling better, looking better.... and then you'll be telling us about your FIRST THIN TRIP!

That is something I look forward to hearing from you! 

You know they say... time flys when you're having fun....

I say it still flys when you're NOT having fun... maybe not as fast but it does still fly...

so before you know it things will be getting better for you!

Try to have as pleasant a time as you can! You both deserve it!

I promise I will be singing from the rooftops about my first thin trip....and I am going to follow MissRedd's advice and make it a Bon Voyage trip...and hey....last meal at a vegas buffett not bad...

Thank you for your positive support!!!

Aw! Mega-hugs and please KNOW I can relate to all of this. It really wasn't all that long ago that I felt like you do now.

I will tell you what I decided and how I used my thought process. It's just one other way to look at things. Since this WILL be the last big trip you are at this weight-why not use it as a way to be really aware of what it all feels like to you? Maybe take a journal and write it out, you gotta write it with love though, it's really important! 

Think about what that journal will mean to you a year or two from now when you are at goal and can't quite recall what it all felt like. You could use experience-written in detail, to share with MANY others. If you have the nerve, take pictures to later paste into your journal as well.

It's a way to capture something that will soon change, and it's also a way to find a kinder way to talk to yourself. You KNOW we are not being kind when we are talking to ourselves if we are thinking "OMG I am the fattest in the room"!!

On your trip make yourself the sexiest and most glam big girl there ever was, write your feelings down. Maybe this is your send off party for both you and your hubby of the old you!!

Bon-voyage!! LOL!

Hugs,
T

Thank you....that is what I needed.....It is such a BEAUTIFUL idea...it made me cry...I used to keep a journal that I wrote about all of my insecurity and emotional pain...I would go back and read it later and feel the pain again and  sometimes realize I had moved on and other times realize I had not...but I lost the habbit


Any way...I have been worried like most ...that I could lose focus and gain it all back....I think a journal such as this would be a huge help...something to look through on surgaversiaires...and  being the best big girl I can would give me a reason to really be in the moment instead of just hiding out and marking time....and there sould be some great lingerie on sale right after V day which would be right be fore the trip...that could be fun....and I think I could even get away with a tiara and a feather boa in Vegas...if I have the guts that is....!!!! and at least it is not tank top and shorts weather!!!!

Bon - Voyage it is!!!!

Dawn, one of the most powerful tools is to do that journal so you can remember the things you are grateful for.  You'd be amazed at how fast some of us want a simple thing like to be able to tie our shoes and then in a matter of time "It ain't no big deal".  Remembering to be grateful is so powerful and keeps us in the attitude of gratitude.  To remember the things you want and appreciating them when you get them. 

I think you should get that tiara and feather boa and wear them and make sure and show us pictures!!  Believe me....anything goes in Vegas.  I'll never forget walking down the hotel corridor and seeing a very expensive Victoria's Secret bra hanging from the door knob with a sticky note that said "do not disturb".  So funny!!

I hope you'll find that perfect journal and be able to look at it on every surgiversary and even maybe share some of it with us.  How much fun will it be to walk through your journey with us holding your hand along the way knowing how much we care.
hugs, Y

I loved what everyone said.  OK first, here's something I am giving to you so that you can give it away and beware, they will not want it!  Pretty soon you will not be the holder of this trophy anymore and when you give it away you will not be getting it back!!  EVER AGAIN!


Something I'll bet you'll be surprised about is the size of most of the people in Vegas.  Are you afraid of meeting new people that are related to your husband's business?  If you aren't then I want to share a small part of a blog post I did about what other people think about us.  First realize that people in Vegas will never see you again....at least not in the way they will see you this time right?  Think about this as the last hurrah!!  This is it! This is the last trip that you'll be worrying about this.  So with that being said I want you to read this:

If having others believing in you and your dream was a requirement for success, most of us would never accomplish anything. We need to base our decisions about what we want to do on our goals and desires, not the goals, desires, opinions and judgments of your parents, friends, spouse, children and co-workers. Quit worrying what other people think about you and follow your heart. Most of the time nobody’s thinking about you at all! They are too busy worrying about their own lives and if they are thinking about you at all, they are wondering what you are thinking about them! Think about it….all the time you are wasting worrying about what other people think about your ideas, your goals, your clothes, your hair, and your home could be better spent on thinking about and doing the things that will achieve your goals.

Now regarding clothes.  Accessories make the girl!!  Scarfs are great, costume jewelry is great.  Dress up the clothes you already have and it makes them look like new.  Carry yourself with pride because you ARE a beautiful unique person that has this thin person inside that is about to break out!  In no time you will look back on this Vegas trip and say SO WHAT!

One more thing....the people that truly care for you like my best friend for 30 something years.  She told me she sees me as "Yvonne".....not fat Yvonne or fat Yvonne.  If someone doesn't like you because of your size, cross them off your list.  They do not matter because why would you want to spend even a moment ....to let them rent space in your head when they can't see the beautiful unique person you are.   We see you! (even if you cut open frogs)  just kidding!!!  I hope  am able to express exactly what I'm trying to say.  I don't want you to feel any shame for who you are right now.  Give it a few months but just like when JEllen came in to the group...I loved her the moment she joined and now that she's almost skinny, she's still the same person...just smaller.  Does that make sense?  You go to Vegas and have a celebration for the life you are leaving behind and the one you are about to enter.  Don't regret it and have a blast OK?
Many hugs, Y

This was a hard email for me to read....and I really felt the weight of that "trophy".   I have been carrying this "trophy" with me every minute since I got this message and at first it was a very uncomfortable experience. I started trying to get rid of it right away.  As a matter of fact, I have given it away so many times but discovered that it is still with me...and it is not becuase I am still thinking of myself as the fattest person anymore but rather because I have finally realized how many others are in the same boat or in worse shape...so I dont want pass it on to someone else because I dont want to forget how I felt and never let myself go there again....yea I know I probably will but maybe I can avoid it for a while


THANK YOU!!!!!

I love it when someone reads a post and really thinks it out.  You are right to not forget.  Forgetting (I believe) is one of the things that happens most to those that lose their way.  I tell them to please journal their feelings so they can remember how it was and not forget.  You can do things right now to assure you never, ever forget sweetie.  Use it to be grateful for what is coming in your future.  When we fail to be grateful, we start reverting to the old ways.
Bless your heart.
Hugs, Y